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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26059618">Damaged Goods</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/mason_adrift/pseuds/mason_adrift'>mason_adrift</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Creepypasta - Fandom, Marble Hornets</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Abuse, Depression, Domestic Violence, Drug Use, Gen, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Gore, Self-Harm, Series, high school reader, not romantic - Freeform</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 11:13:38</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>46,331</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26059618</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/mason_adrift/pseuds/mason_adrift</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>(name) is a foster kid in their sophomore year of high school. It’s been a little over a year since they’ve moved into Greymill, a small town where practically nothing ever happens. Never did they think they’d have a run-in with one of the country's most wanted killers.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>41</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Prolouge</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was late in the night, I could see the fluorescent lights above me flicker as I strolled through the aisles filled with snacks.<br/>
I looked through the options in front of me, my fingers tapping against my jeans to the beat of the music blasting through my headphones. I decided on two bags of chips and a cookie then moved on to the tall brightly lit fridges in the back. Going past the beer I opened one of the doors and picked out a large bottle of water.<br/>
When I approach the counter to pay I don’t see anyone at the cash register. I pull my headphones off my ears and look around curiously. </p><p>It was pretty late and no one else was in the store with me. The thought crossed my mind to just leave; it would save me some money for lunch Monday. I huff setting my items on the counter. I couldn’t do that. Digging through the pockets in my jacket and jeans I search for all the money on me.</p><p>As I do so I hear a gentle tune play out followed by the woosh of automatic doors opening. I turned to look instinctively and saw a man much taller than me, I couldn’t get a good look at his face since his hood up.<br/>
“Sorry for the wait,” My head turned back to the counter to see the cashier was back. He was frantically pressing buttons on the screen, scanning my items. “Apparently I’m the only one that decided to show up tonight.” He let out a forced laugh and I smiled politely.<br/>
“It’s fine.”<br/>
From the back of the store, I can hear one of the fridge doors being closed loudly. The cashier looked up for a moment but just shook his head as he scanned and bagged my items.<br/>
“That’ll be 7.75.”<br/>
I looked at the money in my hand, “Crap,” I muttered and looked up to him with a laugh. “I only have a five.” Looking through the prices on the small screen facing me I figure out which to take out. As my hand reaches for the chips a loud bang makes me jump.</p><p>Next to my items on the counter was now a large pack of beer, just slammed down with no warning. I narrow my eyes at the pack and turn to the culprit. It’s the man from before.</p><p>“I’ll pay for it, just put this on there too..”<br/>
He cleared his throat and stuffed his hands into the pocket of his hoodie. I continued to stare a bit taken aback.<br/>
“Really?” I asked.<br/>
I heard the beep of the scanner and the man turned to me with a nod, “Yeah, you can grab something else if you want.” He had dark circles under his eyes and I could see burn scars peeking up from his neck.<br/>
I quickly turned back, frantically scanning through the small candies on display. I eventually grabbed a pack of gum and handed it to the cashier, he scanned it and put it in my bag. The strange man also grabbed a lighter and asked for a pack of cigarettes.</p><p>“Thank you..” I muttered, shifting my weight.<br/>
He pulled a wad of wrinkled money from his jeans pocket and counted out the amount needed, “Mhm.” He handed the money to the man and received his change.<br/>
Quickly, the man pocketed his items and picked up the case of beer. Before the cashier could say goodnight he was already out the door.</p><p>“Weird,” The cashier laughed light-heartedly and turned my way. “Be careful out there.”<br/>
I nodded with a small smile. “Goodnight.”</p><p>Walking back out into the sickly humid air, I took a glance around. The streets were practically empty. I looked at my phone and saw it was two am.<br/>
Good. They should be asleep by now.<br/>
I put on my headphones and walk across the street, going home.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Sunday Fun-day</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>My eyes tiredly blink open hearing the loud alarm from the next room over. I lay there for a minute feeling the sweat that had collected over the night.</p><p>She must have turned off the air conditioning.</p><p>I pull my phone off the charger and see it’s seven-thirty. Shoving the cover off my body I take a more comfortable position and scroll through social media. I could see the bag of snacks I bought last night at the side of my bed, tempting me to just eat them all right now.<br/>
After a while, the muffled alarm shuts off. Putting down my phone I silently get out of bed and go to my door, turning the lock as quietly as I could.<br/>
After I hear his footsteps pass by I go to my closet.<br/>
Digging through my clothes I think about my plans today. A close friend of mine, Kris, wanted to hang out. He didn’t wake up until around eleven though so I’d have to find something else to do until then.<br/>
Soon enough the front door opens and closes. With the clothes I picked out in hand I open the door and swiftly go to the restroom. I peel out of the musty clothes and hop in the shower, handling my business as quickly as I could.<br/>
Once I’m done I peek out of the bathroom. It was still quiet. Shoving my clothes into the hamper I pick up my phone from the room and decide to listen to some music while I do some chores around the house. Sweeping, organizing, washing the dishes, and putting away clothes.<br/>
As I finished up I got a text message from Kris, surprisingly.</p><p>‘You eaten yet?’<br/>
‘Nope’<br/>
‘Sweet, met up at Benny’s diner?’<br/>
I smile to myself letting out a soft laugh.<br/>
‘Yea, I’ll start walking there now’</p><p>With that, I pocket my phone and walk out the door. It’s not a long walk to Benny’s diner, only a couple of streets from my house. The only sign of life out this morning was the cars zooming down the main road.<br/>
I walk down the block and look through the large glass windows of the diner. It’s always packed in the morning, but today’s Sunday. The only person in there was Kris. I could see him spinning in his chair and in the kitchen I could see Benny busy cooking. I smiled and walked through the door, a bell signaling my entrance.</p><p>Kris held his eyes on me as his chair continued spinning. He laughed waving me over.<br/>
“Good morning’!”<br/>
I chuckled and sat in the chair next to him. Benny peeked his head through the window with a wide smile, “Hey (name), how you been?”<br/>
“Good Benny, how about you?”<br/>
He returned to cooking his voice booming through the window, “I’m doin’ fine.”</p><p>Kris pushed against the counter spinning himself faster in the chair, “What’d you do Saturday?”<br/>
“Just went walking around town,” I pressed a smile fidgeting with the sleeve of my shirt. “Went to the lake for a bit.”<br/>
He stopped his chair and turned to me, “You went swimming without me?”<br/>
I laughed at him, “No, I just dipped my feet in.” He rested his chin on his hand, staring me down with pursed lips, “We could go later if you want.”<br/>
“Mmm,” He leaned back in his chair with a smile. “No it’s fine. I hate going there on the weekends anyways.”<br/>
“Yeah, I didn’t stay long. It was pretty late when I went there and some drunks came in,”<br/>
Kris laughed and Ben came in carrying a tray with three plates of food with drinks.</p><p>“Order up,” He set our meals down in front of us and put the tray to the side.<br/>
Saying thank you in unison, Ben walked around with his plate and sat by Kris. He reached over the counter and grabbed a remote, turning on the TV up above. After switching through the channels he stopped at the news station.<br/>
“Oh, depressing!” Kris whined.<br/>
Benny chuckled playfully pushing him, “There’s been a lot going on outside of town.”<br/>
“I don’t wanna know,” Kris covered his ears and shook his head.</p><p>“What’s going on?” I questioned, intrigued myself. I’ve only heard a few words about it around town.<br/>
Ben's eyes were glued to the TV, reading the words sliding across the screen. “There’s been these psychopaths popping up all across the country killing people at random,” He shook his head taking a bite of his food. “The police haven’t been able to catch any of them, they disappear and reappear in different states.”<br/>
“How could they do that...?” I muttered to myself, furrowing my brows. The news showed images of a few of the crime scenes. Photos of the victims happy portraits, cropped out photos of them with family or friends.</p><p>“How many are there?” Kris butted in. He was looking at the TV along with us, chewing the corner of his lip.<br/>
Ben let out a low hum leaning back in his chair, “They’ve seen a few patterns. Maybe around.. Five.” Kris winced at the number. “They’ve also brought up killings from the past that follow a pattern too, but they’re thinking those are from a group of people.”<br/>
“A group?” He furrowed his brows at Ben, panicked.<br/>
“Don’t worry kid,” He patted Kris on the back. “Stuff like that stays in the cities. Right?”<br/>
He smiled reassuring Kris and I could see his shoulders relax.</p><p>I thought it over in my head. Really, something like a murder hasn’t happened in Greymill. At least not since I was moved here. The worst that’s happened was a few missing kids a couple months back, and what happened to Ben's nephew Drew.<br/>
Before I could bring that up, the bell above the door rang.<br/>
Ben looked, surprised to get a customer today, and I turned too- curious myself.</p><p>It was the man. The man from last night.<br/>
He was wearing a jacket now, a cap shadowing his eyes.<br/>
“You’re open right?” He cleared his throat and glanced around the diner. His eyes stopped at me for a second before returning to Ben. I returned to my meal, watching the TV with Kris.<br/>
“We sure are,” His tone was jolly as he wiped his hands on his apron. “Grab a seat, I’ll take your order when you’re ready.”<br/>
I heard the man's footsteps walk to the other side of the diner. Taking a glance I saw he sat at a booth in the corner.</p><p>Something poked at my arm, looking I saw Kris smirking at me.<br/>
“Stop,” I narrowed my eyes at him.<br/>
He laughed cutting into his food, “Do you know that guy?”<br/>
“No,” I whispered, shaking my head. “I just saw him at the store last night. He paid for some snacks I got.”<br/>
“Oh, that’s nice,” He smiled. “You said thank you?”<br/>
“Yeah of course I did,” I narrowed my eyes at him.<br/>
“Did he hear you?”<br/>
I paused, having to think back on it, “I mean..” We both laughed. “I’m pretty sure he did.”</p><p>As Kris went back to eating his meal I heard Benny let out a laugh.<br/>
“It’s Sunday, and lotta people here are very religious,” Ben explained.<br/>
“Ah, not you?”<br/>
“No, not me. The only reason I’ll be here on a Sunday morning is to get some work done,” He motioned towards us. “and to feed these hooligans.”</p><p>The TV caught my attention, a nearby string of murders, Kris was watching too. Benny walked past us and into the kitchen.<br/>
“How can someone do something like that? Murder another person for no reason at all...” Kris sighed. I shrugged in response and continued to eat my food. “You think one will come here?”<br/>
“Why would they?” I joked.</p><p>Ben eventually comes back out with what the man ordered then returns to his seat next to Kris. Kris nudges him.<br/>
“Who is that guy?” Kris whispered, making me eye him down.<br/>
Ben shrugs, “Didn’t give a name, must be passin’ through.” He chuckled, “Nosy much?”<br/>
“Look, with what’s been going on-”<br/>
“Don’t even- you just heard about these psychos today,” Ben laughs.<br/>
“You got me,” Kris gestured a hand to me. “I’m asking for (name).”<br/>
“What?” I exclaim. “Don’t drag me into this. You’re just being nosy.”<br/>
Kris held back a smile, trying to look upset as the both of us laughed at him.</p><p>Once we finished our meal Ben picked up our plates.<br/>
“How much?” Kris asked fishing through his pockets.<br/>
Ben shook his head, “Don’t worry about it.”<br/>
“Wha- come on Benny.”<br/>
I smiled watching as Ben walked into the kitchen chuckling to himself.<br/>
“I swear, he’ll go out of business at this rate- He’s too nice!” Kris laughed.<br/>
“Thank you, Benny!” I hollered to him laughing at Kris.</p><p>Kris reluctantly put the cash back into his back pocket. Jumping off his chair he held his arms above his head in a stretch.<br/>
“Ugh. I could go for a nap.”<br/>
Benny came back from the kitchen leaning on the counter as he spoke to us, “What do you two plan on doing today?”<br/>
I shrugged looking at Kris.<br/>
He held his arms on his head, “Don’t know. Hang out at my place for a bit, maybe rob a bank.”<br/>
Ben chuckled, shaking his head, “If you kids aren’t too busy running from the cops, I’m making dinner for company tonight. We’re welcoming Drew back.”<br/>
“That sounds nice,” I smiled.<br/>
“Maybe. We do have school tomorrow.”<br/>
“I’ll drive y'all home if I need to, don’t worry,” He chuckled. “Education is very important.”<br/>
“I’m sold!” Kris laughed. He ran over to Ben giving him a big hug. “See ya’ later then!”<br/>
“Bye. Be careful out there.”<br/>
I waved goodbye and we both started towards the door.<br/>
“Look both ways before crossing the street,” He warned us playfully. “Make good decisions!”<br/>
Both of us laughed, waved and said goodbye before leaving. </p><p>As we walked down the sidewalk we passed the window the man was sitting at.<br/>
“Oh look it’s him!” Kris shook my arm as we both looked at his hat peeking from the booth.<br/>
“Please don’t do anything stupid,” I groaned, the two of us getting closer to passing him.<br/>
“Can I wave?”<br/>
“That’s weird!” I laughed.<br/>
Kris let out a breath, “Yeah, yeah you’re right..”<br/>
Yet even though he said that, once we passed his booth in the window he turned back to the man; obnoxiously waving to the stranger.<br/>
“Don’t you know about stranger danger?” I laughed glancing at the man. He was staring at Kris with a confused look, brows slightly furrowed.</p><p>Kris spun back around returning to his normal pace at my side, “You go by that logic you’ll never make any new friends.”<br/>
“That guy is way older than us.”<br/>
“So is Ben,” Kris laughed.<br/>
“Well that’s different,” I pressed my lips together thinking. “You’ve known him since you were little..”<br/>
He scoffed, “Whatever.  Did you see his scars? I wonder what happened to the guy.”<br/>
“...Nosy,” I muttered, smirking at him.</p><p>Kris’s house was actually farther from Ben’s diner than mine. Past the park- right on the edge. Lucky him. As we walked through the park we stopped in the center, at the fountain.</p><p>“Man it’s getting hot,” Kris said wiping the sweat from his forehead. “Time for a dip,” He rubbed his hands together mischievously approaching the fountain.<br/>
“Kris no,” I laughed. “We’ve already gotten in trouble for that. I can’t go back to prison.”<br/>
He chuckled jumping onto the edge of the fountain, usually used for sitting. He looked around. “Jeez, this place sucks.”</p><p>I sat at the fountain and looked out as well. No one was here. It honestly is a bit disturbing how the town gets on Sunday mornings. It surely freaked me out when I first came here.<br/>
Walking around I didn’t see anyone except for Kris. He was sitting at this exact fountain, feet dipped in the water.</p><p>“Oh, a penny!” Without warning Kris jumped down into the fountain, splashing water everywhere.<br/>
I immediately stood up scrambling away but the damage was already done. At least it was refreshing. Laughing, I look at Kris. His jeans were soaked but he didn’t seem to care. In his hand was a single penny, “My lucky day! It was on heads!” He showed the penny to me proudly.<br/>
“You just stole someone's wish,” I giggled. Stepping closer to the fountain I lifted my arms. “Lay it on me.”<br/>
He laughed and bent down. With cupped hands, he splashed water at me, mostly on my face. We both laughed as I wiped the water off.<br/>
“Oh! Another one!” Bending down he started picking up more and more pennies.<br/>
“Let’s go before you get us in trouble,” I laughed walking around the fountain.<br/>
“Coming!” He kicked his way through the water and hopped out. The sandals on his feet squeaked as he ran to catch up with me.</p><p>Soon we were at his house. Leaving our shoes by the door Kris left to change out of his soaked pants. I went into the living room and turned on the TV.<br/>
Morning cartoons were playing. Taking a seat in front of the screen I manually switched the TV to connect to Kris’s plug and play.</p><p>We played video games till it was nearly sunset. The blue sky started to turn orange. The both of us got off the couch and put on our shoes. Walking out we saw the streets were emptying. Kids running home and cars driving back into their neighborhoods. Tomorrow was Monday and I did not look forward to that.</p><p>“What do you think Ben’s making?” I asked absentmindedly. Looking up at the war of colors in the sky.<br/>
Kris laughed, “I hope it’s pasta. Anything pasta, I haven't had pasta in a while.”<br/>
I nodded in agreement, “I haven’t had a home-cooked dinner in forever.”</p><p>We walked through the park laughing with each other. Sunlight warming us through our clothes as the air becomes more humid, I was happy Ben offered to drive us home afterward.<br/>
“Hey, it’s that guy,” Kris whispered to me, closing the space between us.</p><p>I looked ahead and saw someone sitting at the fountain. I was surprised Kris could pick him out so fast, the only real recognizable feature I could see from here was the man's hair.</p><p>“Really. Now you’re just being a creep at this point Kris,” I chuckled at him.<br/>
“I’m just looking out for you!” He held up his hands in surrender, laughing a bit.<br/>
I shook my head and we continued. I felt a bit self-conscious walking, criticizing my every step. Was he watching me?</p><p>I managed to get a quick look as we passed him. He was. I could see his eyes following us as we walked. We made eye contact yet his gaze didn’t loosen.<br/>
I was the one to look away. Continuing on ahead I felt my stomach twist.<br/>
That could be because I’m so hungry. We spent all day playing video games, only taking breaks for the bathroom. It was a nice distraction from everything.<br/>
As we continued walking to Ben’s I eventually forgot about the man altogether.</p><p>We walk up the steps to Ben's house and we can already hear the voices inside. He must have invited a few others too. We knocked and a man greeted us. He had a recognizable mullet, smiling at us with bags under his tired eyes.<br/>
“Hey you two, what’s up?”<br/>
Kris laughed looking around Drew and into the house, “Came here for the party.”<br/>
“You guys got the alcohol?” I smirked.<br/>
Drew scoffed leaning against the door, “I’ll need some ID.”</p><p>Kris and I laughed walking past him. The air was cool and I could hear the voices inside much clearer. There must be three others in there.<br/>
Kris walked closer to my side, “Didn’t know there’d be others here..” He muttered smiling half-heartedly. We shared the same anxieties, though Kris seemed better at hiding it.<br/>
Drew hummed, “Yeah, you know how Ben is. It’s just Sarah and her friends, no one too uh..”<br/>
“Stuck up?” Kris pitched with a goofy smile.<br/>
“Insane..” I muttered.<br/>
Drew laughed, “Right. No, these guys are cool.”</p><p>We both nodded and went into the dining room together. The three were already sitting at the table talking. They looked up seeing us come in.<br/>
“Hey kiddos,” Sarah smiled.<br/>
Sarah had just moved into town, a young woman with long black hair pulled into a loose bun. She quickly took a liking to Ben, as does everyone. She worked at his diner weekdays in the morning, but usually ended up staying there till sunset. She became fast friends with a lot of people in town, but more so with the two at the table.</p><p>“Hello everyone,” I awkwardly say to the room.</p><p>Though we knew the two, they still introduced themselves. There was a thin girl with short choppy ginger hair, her name is Kelly. The other was a boy with dark skin, he dyed the tips of his hair a pale lavender; his name’s James. Both Kris and I had seen them around town or at the diner, though they were way older than us so we never really talked.</p><p>“What’s on the menu tonight?” Kris smiled taking a seat on the other side of the table.<br/>
“Benny’s chicken stuff,” Sarah smirked.<br/>
Kris gasped excitedly shaking around in his seat, “Pastaaa!”<br/>
Drew walked to my side before I could take a seat, “You wanna help set the table?”<br/>
“Oh yeah, sure,” I fumbled with my feet but followed him to the kitchen.</p><p>There inside was Ben, sweating as he mixed the pasta. A family recipe he refuses to spill to any of us. Drew knows it, but he’s no cook.<br/>
Ben smiled warmly seeing me, “Hey there, nice to see you made it.”<br/>
His smile was contagious, “Yea. I miss having dinner with you guys.” He paused looking at me curiously, “That and, I’d never miss a chance at free food.” I laughed, loosening his stressed expression.</p><p>Drew reached up in the cabinets pulling down a stack of plates, “Me too (name).” He chuckled.<br/>
“You freeloader,” Ben playfully jabbed at him.<br/>
Drew pointed me to a drawer telling me to grab some forks. I nodded doing so, Benny told us he’d be out in a second with the food. There would be garlic bread to go along with it too.</p><p>Drew set out a plate in front of everyone and I followed setting out silverware. When it came to Sarah and her friends I was hesitant to make eye contact.<br/>
“So how are you (name)?” Sarah asked. Her tone was soft and sweet, she probably knew I wasn’t the social type.<br/>
I smiled, “I’m good. Dreading Monday, you know how it is.”<br/>
She chuckled agreeing with me as her friends started chatting with her again.<br/>
I continued setting out the silverware awkwardly, taking a seat next to Kris when I was finished. </p><p>Drew sat at my side looking at his plate absentmindedly.<br/>
“Drew get your ass in here and help me!” Benny called out to him.<br/>
He flinched but laughed getting out of his seat.</p><p>“Is there anything due Monday?” Kris questioned turning to me with furrowed brows.<br/>
I thought back in the week, “I think there’s some Geometry homework.”<br/>
“What grade are you guys in?” Sarah asked leaning onto the table.<br/>
I smiled, “Sophomores.”<br/>
“Three more years and we’re out of here,” Kris chuckled quietly.<br/>
“You don’t like it here?” James smiled knowingly.<br/>
“Uh,” Kris laughed bashfully. “No. I’d rather be in the city.”<br/>
“If I got out of here I’d want to move to New Orleans. Lots of artists there...” Kelly said dreamily, spinning her fork on the table.</p><p>Sarah laughed, “Maybe it’s because I just moved here, but I don’t know why you all would want to leave so badly.”<br/>
The three all turned to her practically rolling our eyes.<br/>
“It gets pretty suffocating when you live here your whole life,” Kelly explained. “Everyone knows who you are, your family, what you did last summer.”<br/>
Kris laughed at that last part, “Yeah. And being here so long, you really start to see how fucked up this place really is.”<br/>
James and Kelly nodded in agreement.<br/>
Sarah let out a small laugh, “Woah, what is there some dark secret here?”<br/>
“I wouldn’t say it’s a secret, it’s... Uhm,” James trailed off trying to search for the right word.<br/>
“Subliminal,” Kelly smiled.<br/>
“That sounds even worse,” Sarah’s brows creased starting to get a bit worried.<br/>
I laughed at them, “You guys are making it sound like some devil worshiping town.”<br/>
“Might as well be!” Kris leaned into the table and harshly whispered. “Do you know what goes on in the woods at night?”<br/>
“Uh,” Sarah smiled. “I regret moving here?”<br/>
We all laughed.</p><p>Ben brought out the food and soon the conversation changed. We all ate, catching up with each other and cracking jokes. That’s how all dinners with Ben went, he was always the one leading the conversation making everyone feel happy together. Even if we barely knew each other, he was always able to bring out fun stories. </p><p>Dinner ended and Sarah and her friends had to go. It was getting late and I’d assume her friends had early shifts in the morning. Kris and I stayed behind, waving goodbye as they drove off. Ben looked at the time on his watch.<br/>
“You kids ready to head home?” He asked.<br/>
I narrowed my brows a bit thinking about it.<br/>
“Yeah. I woke up hella early, and I’m really sleepy,” Kris laughed sheepishly.<br/>
I hummed nodding. Ben smiled down at me patting my shoulder, “I’ll take Kris home first then.”</p><p>Ben went back inside, the screen door closing loudly behind him making me jump a bit.<br/>
We waited on the small porch listening to crickets, the humid air already sticking to out skin.<br/>
“You wanna skip tomorrow?” Kris asked leaning onto the railing.<br/>
I smiled, shaking my head, “We’re reviewing Monday.”<br/>
“Gah-” He rubbed a hand over his face- “Right.”</p><p>“Come on Drew, you need to get out of the house!” Ben laughed.<br/>
We both looked at the door hearing the commotion.<br/>
“You think Drew is doing ok?” Kris asked.<br/>
I thought back to dinner, “He did seem a bit quiet...”<br/>
Although what happened to Drew was a couple of years ago, Ben always told us how tense he’s been when he comes into town. He was at home alone one night and someone broke in. Left Drew with a huge scar across the side of his stomach.<br/>
This was probably the most at ease he’s been since then though, it was a relief to all of us.</p><p>A minute passed and soon Ben came out with Drew. He didn’t seem too happy about coming along. Kris and I flashed bright smiles at him.<br/>
“Stop. You guys are weird,” He scoffed, starting to walk towards Ben’s truck.<br/>
“Psh- Says the one who folds and dips their pizza in ketchup!” Kris followed after him.<br/>
I walked beside Ben to the truck, “Roy gonna be home tonight?” He asked.<br/>
“Probably,” I fidgeted with my sleeves starting to feel suffocated.<br/>
“You know you can always stay with me if you need to.”<br/>
“Yeah, I know. It’s just. He doesn’t think-”<br/>
“I couldn’t give a rats ass what he thinks,” Ben shook his head. “I’ll deal with him if he has something to say.”<br/>
I pressed my lips together not knowing how to respond.</p><p>“Hey Ben, can we sit in the back!” Kris hollered, ready to jump into the bed of the truck.<br/>
Ben pressed a smile, “Yeah, just don’t fall out again!”<br/>
Kris rolled his eyes, throwing himself into the back with a loud clatter. Ben patted my back and I went to join Kris.</p><p>Once everyone was in the car Ben started down the street. We sat with our backs to the window, watching as the scenery passed around us. Looking up at the stars that were out I started feeling drowsy, I can assume Kris was too.<br/>
“I really missed dinners with Ben,” He mumbled.<br/>
“Yeah, me too,” I smiled.<br/>
Kris’s head fell onto my shoulder and I could see him smiling with his eyes closed. “I wish this day never ended."<br/>
I sighed, "If only..."</p><p>Soon we were at Kris's house. He jumped out the back and tiredly waved us all goodbye. Drew opened the window and Ben spoke out to me.<br/>
"Hey (name) is it ok if we stop by the diner real quick? I have to pick up some work."<br/>
"I don't mind," I said laying down in the back. "Just wake me up if I fall asleep."<br/>
I could hear him chuckle before the small window was shut.  The car started up again and soon we were driving down the road again. It wasn't long at Benny's diner, Drew and I chatted through the window while we waited on him.</p><p>Down the road that leads to my street I hear something awful. A blood-curdling scream echoes out from the woods. As soon as I hear it I shoot up from the back, the truck coming to a stop. I looked back through the window worriedly.<br/>
Drew opened it, "What was that?" He panicked.<br/>
"It sounded like someone screaming," I said with a shaky voice.<br/>
"How?" Ben asked, all playfulness drained from his words.<br/>
"Like- Like they were being hurt," I huffed my hands starting to shake. "It sounded bad Ben."<br/>
He turned off the truck and stepped out. Holding the door open he addressed both of us, "Stay in the car, I'll check it out."<br/>
"What?" I exclaimed.<br/>
"Ben that's stupid, just call the police," Drew said sternly.<br/>
He shut the door on Drew and started walking around the truck, "You can do that. If anyone's in trouble, I'm helping them now."<br/>
I could hear Drew let out an annoyed groan as I watched Ben worriedly. Once his form disappeared into the trees I turned to Drew. He sat sideways in his seat, tapping anxiously on his knee.</p><p>My mind went back to the morning news. Suddenly a wave of thoughts hit me.<br/>
"You think they made it out here?" I voiced absentmindedly.<br/>
He turned to me skeptically, "Who?"<br/>
"Those murderers... You think one came to our town?"<br/>
He furrowed his brows, "Don't say stuff like that when Ben's the one out there!" I could hear the fear behind his words.<br/>
"Sorry- I just..." I couldn't find the words to explain myself. He's been through enough with what happened to him then, he’s probably way more worried about all this.<br/>
Another scream rang through the woods making us both jump.<br/>
"Damn it," Drew got out the car slamming the door behind him. "Call the police (name), I'm gonna go get his stupid ass!"<br/>
I hesitated to watch him follow Ben’s route into the woods. Once I snapped out of it I dug out my phone. Calling the police station I was directed to a woman I was familiar with.<br/>
“There was screaming in the woods. Ben went to check it out, Drew went too. C-Can you send some officers down to help.”<br/>
“Are you sure it wasn’t just some kids down at the lake?” She asked playfully.<br/>
Another scream let out. I could hear Drew’s voice yelling something I couldn’t quite understand. “No! There’s more screaming, please- someone’s hurt!”<br/>
The woman calmed me down saying she would send someone right away. I gave her my location and she told me to stay on the line with her. </p><p>Drew’s yells seemed to die down and Ben started going off. He seemed to be yelling at someone. Telling them to ‘get back here’, cursing even. His angered shouts put me on edge as they got closer and I looked around panicked.<br/>
“What’s going on?” The woman asked through the phone.<br/>
I stumbled with my words, “It’s Ben. He’s yelling at someone.” The muffled steps of someone running through the trees came even closer, too light to be Ben’s. Leafs and branches were being pushed aside and snapped. “Someone’s coming!” My hands started to shake and I tried my best to keep my voice steady.<br/>
“Calm down,” The woman’s voice was just as hushed as mine. “Find someplace to hide and be as quiet as you can.”<br/>
Quickly I looked around but eventually, I laid down in the bed of the truck.<br/>
“I’m in the back of Ben’s truck...” I whispered.<br/>
“Ok sweetie that’s fine, be as quiet as you can and stay on the phone with me. No matter what.”</p><p>I took a moment to calm down my breathing, trying to trick myself into thinking it was just Ben. He stopped yelling at this point but the steps eventually made it out of the forest. I held my breath as I heard the steps shuffle onto the pavement. Closing my eyes I waited for them to pass, but they didn’t. Instead, I heard the creak of the car door opening and slamming shut. My eyes snapped open. Ben would have called out to me, he would have said something, I thought. The car purred to life and I looked to the window. It was still open.<br/>
“Someone’s in the car…” I whispered into the phone. The car immediately started to drive and I slid across the bed of the truck.<br/>
“Stay put. Don’t try to leave, he might see you.” I could hear a commotion through the phone. “You said you were in Ben's truck right, his pickup?”<br/>
“Yes.” </p><p>The truck started to accelerate, and though the women warned me, I felt the need to jump out. I watched the tops of trees whir by only this time, I felt anything but tired.<br/>
“Can you see where you are?”<br/>
Hesitantly I lifted my head up. Houses passed by, I wasn’t sure what street we were on but I could tell he was trying to flee the scene fast.<br/>
“No,” I muttered frantically looking around for some marker of where we are. “Wait.” A sign passed and I knew immediately, “He’s trying to leave town.”</p><p>Buildings started to dwindle quickly as the driver sped down the road. In the distance I could hear police sirens. I turned looking back down the road as some hope began to build in my chest.<br/>
But, before I could brace myself the truck came to a screeching stop. I slid forward, hitting my head as I fell. My vision went dark as I struggled to pull myself up. I heard the truck door open and slam close. Still, I couldn’t bring myself to get up. I tried moving my hand to get to the phone but I soon realised it was gone. Someone grabbed the collar of my shirt lifting me up from the bed of the truck and the sound returned.<br/>
“You again?”<br/>
Blinking, my vision returned and I finally saw. It was the man with the scars.<br/>
He shook me becoming more angry, “What are you doing here? Are you following me or something?”<br/>
I groaned, the pain in my head starting to surface, “N-No, I-” My voice trailed off. </p><p>“Hello? Are you ok? What happened?” </p><p>In the silence I could hear the voice of the woman. I looked and saw my phone on the other side of the truck. The man followed my eyes and immediately spotted the phone.<br/>
“Damn it.”<br/>
He let go of me and went for the phone, grumbling incoherent words. I pulled myself up looking around weakly. The sirens were still far off and no one seemed to be coming down the road this. With all the strength I had left, I started to pull the rest of myself out the truck. Once my legs were over I let my body fall out the truck. My head spun at the sudden movement and everything went black again.<br/>
Rolling onto my back I groaned in pain. Putting a hand to the side of my head I felt something warm. My vision came back after a couple blinks and I looked to my hand. </p><p>Blood.</p><p>Turning back I saw the man had grabbed my phone. He held it to his ear for a second before throwing it onto the ground. It broke apart, flying in pieces across the road.<br/>
“Fuck!” He grabbed at his hair frustratingly, kicking the bits of phone laying on the ground.</p><p>I winced in pain as I pushed myself onto my feet, putting my weight against the truck. I tried taking steps forward but staggered.<br/>
“Where do you think you’re going?”<br/>
Footsteps came towards me, picking up speed as I tried making a run for it. The man grabbed me by the neck and pinned me against the car, knocking the breath out of me. I grabbed at his hand but he was too strong. </p><p>“You think you can just walk away like nothing?” He laughed insanely and I heard a flick. A silver blade came into view as he pressed it to my cheek. I shut my eyes whimpering at the painful pressure.<br/>
“Stop….”<br/>
His breath picked up as he lightly dragged the blade down to my collar bone. I gritted my teeth and forced myself to open my eyes. He was smiling widely down at me, being this close I could see faint scars on the corners of his mouth. Feel his breath hit my face. </p><p>“Th-They’re coming!” I stammered, feeling the point of his knife pressing against my skin. “The police. They’ll catch you.”<br/>
It was then he seemed to realise how close the sirens were now, but he only smirked, “Really?” He chuckled. I nodded trying to turn my head away from him, his breath reeked of cigarettes and beer. “And what’s stopping me from killing you right now, huh?” He dug the knife into my skin drawing blood. I let out a small yelp biting back tears as he drug the knife down. He was going to kill me, I had to think of something.<br/>
“Y-Y-You’ll get caught,” All I could do was repeat that, over and over again. </p><p>He shook me, slamming me against the car again, “Shut up!”<br/>
Looking back at him I saw he was looking down the road. Eyes frantically scanning the area as he went through his options here. The police had to be down the road by now. I let out a breathy laugh feeling some sort of hope now. </p><p>He grabbed my face and moved the knife to my neck.<br/>
“Listen closely kid,” He growled, shaking his head. “You say anything about me to the police; the way I look, what I’m wearing, hell even the way I talk- I’ll come back, and I’ll kill you.” He roughly pulled around my face as if to inspect me, “Or worse…”<br/>
He finally let me go of me with a chuckle as the sirens became painfully loud. I fell to the ground, rubbing my neck. I could feel the blood on my collarbone.<br/>
“Remember.” He breathed. “Not a word.”</p><p>I heard his footsteps as he ran off. I didn’t have the energy to watch him as he did. All I could do was lay on the pavemented road as I heard the cop cars come to a stop around me.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. The Police Station</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I sat in an office separated from the commotion outside. The police station was frantic to get a hold of whoever it was that attacked me- whoever it was that attacked the girl in the woods.<br/>
I heard it on the way here. Police and ambulance being called to the scene. Multiple stab wounds, she was tied up with her face beaten in.</p><p>I stared blankly into my hands replaying the scene over and over. I couldn’t get the monster's face out of my head, his voice, his breathing. It was suffocating me, I wanted to scream.</p><p>“(name)?”</p><p>Looking up I saw a woman sitting on the desk in front of me, an ice pack in her hands. She stared down at me sympathetically. I didn’t like it.<br/>
“My name is Beth Foley, Sheriff. I wish we could have met under… better circumstances.” She let out a small forced laugh that died out when she saw I wasn’t smiling along with her.<br/>
“Here, I got you some ice for your head.” She handed me the bag.<br/>
I muttered a barely audible thank you and held the ice to the side of my sore head. My head was killing me, and it felt more than a little unfair that I was just getting an ice pack for it now- but I guess there are bigger things going on. At this point, I just wanted to go home and forget this ever happened.</p><p>“I know what you just went through must be traumatic, but we need you to answer some questions for us,” She leaned down to meet my eyes. “You think you can do that?”<br/>
I gripped on the sleeve of my shirt anxiously, “Yes…”</p><p>She nodded, standing back up, and motioned to someone at the door. I turned and saw an older woman coming in, I recognized her to be the one on the phone with me.<br/>
The sheriff grabbed a notepad and pen, looking to the woman as she sat with her.</p><p>“Ok, let’s start with something simple. Why did you call the police?”<br/>
I sniffled avoiding the two’s pitiful stares, “Ben and Drew were driving me home when we heard a scream from the woods… Ben went in to help, then Drew… I called because of the screaming and-and yelling…”</p><p>The sheriff nodded writing in her notepad, “Then what happened?”<br/>
“Someone… someone came out of the woods. They got into Ben’s truck and drove, I was in the back.”<br/>
She tapped the pen on her notepad looking at the older women.<br/>
“He… stopped the car quick…” I hesitated to try and think.<br/>
I couldn’t say anything. Not about the man.<br/>
“That how you got that cut on your head?” She pointed.<br/>
I nodded, “Then he pulled me up from the back of the truck... Broke my phone… I tried to run but he caught me and threatened me with a knife.” I put a hand to my neck, tracing down I felt the scabbed over cut he left. Quickly I pulled the collar of my shirt to cover it.</p><p>“Did you see what he looked like? What he was wearing?”<br/>
I shook my head, “I-It was dark… He wore a mask so I couldn’t see his face.”<br/>
“On the phone, I heard the man speaking to you,” The older woman chimed in. “He said he had recognized you.”<br/>
I stared at her for a moment before nodding.<br/>
“Have you seen anyone suspicious around town? Someone you didn’t recognize?” She continued.<br/>
“I don’t know…”<br/>
The Sheriff leaned over to the woman, “Go get the pictures.”</p><p>The woman nodded and as she left Sheriff Foley came and sat in the chair next to mine.<br/>
“What kind of mask did he have on?”<br/>
I stumbled with my words, “He- It was a ski mask…”<br/>
“What color? Did it have anything on it?”<br/>
“N-No, just a black mask…”<br/>
I could feel her eyes lingering on me. I hope this didn’t seem too obvious of a lie…<br/>
“Have you heard about the murders running a muck around the country?”<br/>
I nodded.<br/>
“Photos are being distributed to the police now. They told us if anything like this happens we should show them to whoever was involved.” She leaned back in her chair.<br/>
“Are you showing them to that woman?” She looked at me confused. “The one who the man attacked.”<br/>
“When she wakes up, yes.”</p><p>“Got them,” The older woman came back in, papers in hand.<br/>
“Thank you,” The sheriff stood up and grabbed them, walking to her desk.<br/>
I watched as she spread them out, removing a few before turning back to me. “Come here and take a look at these. See if you recognize any.”</p><p>Hesitantly I stood up from my chair. Walking up I saw four photos of different masked people. Some were sketches, others blurry photos. I looked to the sheriff but she only motioned towards the pictures.</p><p>Taking a deep breath I took a closer look.<br/>
The first was a sketch of a blue mask with black eyes. The second was a picture of a person in a white mask with black lips. The third was a sketch of someone in a black ski mask, though it had red eyes and a frown. The fourth one was just a blank mask. I tilted my head at the one, a bit confused.<br/>
“Did you see this one?” The sheriff pointed to the blank one worriedly.<br/>
I shook my head frantically, “No- It wasn’t any one of these…” I stepped back from the desk holding my arms close to my body.</p><p>She searched my face for something.<br/>
“C-Can I go home?” I held the bend of my arm looking to the older woman. “I have school tomorrow…”<br/>
The sheriff was silent looking back to the photos, then to the ones in her hands.<br/>
“Yes, of course. Do you have someone we can call to pick you up?”<br/>
I winced, “Did Ben get his truck back? I don’t think-”<br/>
Swiftly the sheriff turned one of the photos in her hand to me, stepping closer, “How about this creep, have you seen em’ around town?”<br/>
The picture was a pixelated photo of a young boy, though there was what looked like blood coming from his eyes. Taken aback, the only thing I could do was shake my head.<br/>
She flipped to the next photo. A childlike drawing of a man with paint on his face similar to a jester. “What about him?”<br/>
“N-No,” Still she was coming closer with the photo. I had to step back.<br/>
“Sheriff I don’t think-”<br/>
“And this one! What about him?”<br/>
She flipped to the next one and I froze.<br/>
It was a police sketch of a man. Messy dark hair, bags under his eyes. The face wasn’t exactly him and the hair was much shorter, but the burn scars on the neck were recognizable.<br/>
“Did you see him?” The sheriff pressed forward.<br/>
I closed my eyes tight, remembering his warning, and shook my head, “No!” </p><p>“What the hell is going on here?”<br/>
All three of us turned to the door shocked.<br/>
“Why are you harassing my kid like they’re the criminal here?”</p><p>The sheriff let out a sigh putting the photos on the table, “Who are you?”<br/>
“Roy…” I muttered.<br/>
“I’m their father.”</p><p>Roy stormed in and roughly grabbed me by the arm, pulling me away from the Sheriff.<br/>
“Roy Hurley? Didn’t know this was your kid.”<br/>
The older woman scoffed, “Didn’t know he still had the kid…”</p><p>“What did you say?” Roy furrowed his brows stepping threateningly close to the woman, he pulled me along with him in the process.<br/>
“Roy stop it. Let’s just go home,” I muttered pulling against his grip.<br/>
“I’m perfectly capable of taking care of (name).”<br/>
“Never said you weren’t,” She narrowed her eyes at him.<br/>
Roy stepped closer, “I don’t like your attitude.”<br/>
“Roy, just let it go,” I tried grabbing his arm but he just yanked me forward.<br/>
“Shut the hell up!”<br/>
I winced at his grip, feeling my head start to pound.</p><p>“You do know where you are, right Mr. Hurley?” The Sheriff stepped in between him and the woman, holding a hand in front of his chest.</p><p>Roy let out a short breath before pulling on me, “Come on. We’re leaving.”<br/>
He pulled me towards the door, practically dragging me behind him.<br/>
“We still have questions to ask them!” The Sheriff chased after.</p><p>Roy didn’t waver though. Pulling me through the crowded area without letting me catch up.<br/>
“You’re hurting me.”<br/>
“Well hurry it up.”<br/>
He pulled me forward again, forcing me to match his pace. I looked behind us to see the Sheriff pushing through the crowd. I couldn’t do anything but helplessly turn away. It was probably for the best this was cut short anyways. </p><p>Once we were out of the building he let go of me, shoving me forward.<br/>
“Come on, food’s gonna get cold.”<br/>
I looked to the ice pack in my hand but continued forward down the stairs. His car was haphazardly parked in the front, still running.<br/>
“Hurry the fuck up!” He climbed into the car.<br/>
I sat in the back slamming the door shut. My head was pounding but I was too frustrated to care right now. That was embarrassing. Why the hell does Roy have to make such a scene?<br/>
Looking out the window I saw the Sheriff watching us as Roy sped off, the papers still in her hand.</p><p>I held the ice pack to my head but it didn’t do much to halt the pain. All I wanted to do was take some pills and crash into bed.<br/>
Roy gripped on the steering wheel roughly, “What were you doing ridin’ in Ben’s truck?”<br/>
He glared at me through the rearview mirror and I quickly looked away.<br/>
“I saw it on TV- I told you to stay away from that bastard! You’re lucky I don’t pull over and beat the hell out of you right now.”<br/>
I stayed silent, gritting my teeth with clenched fists.<br/>
“That psychopath seems to have done my job for me though,” He laughed. “Should have killed your ass, then maybe we could’ve gotten less of a shithead kid than you.”</p><p>When we pulled into the driveway of the house he grabbed the food and left. Stepping out the car I only felt dread seeing the house. Roy went inside without me, slamming the door behind him. I shook my head and walked towards the curb. The streets were empty, the ice pack in my hand was the only thing keeping me cool in the humid night. I took in a deep breath, my head pounding.<br/>
I just want to forget this night.</p><p>“(name)!” </p><p>I looked back to see her standing in the door.<br/>
“I’m fine Tessa. I just need a minute.”<br/>
I waited till she shut the door before turning back towards the street. The thought crossed my mind to call Kris, but checking my pockets I remembered my phone was in pieces on the road leading out of town. I shut my eyes tight groaning before turning and going inside.</p><p>Immediately Tessa was in front of me talking so fast I didn’t bother to try and understand her.<br/>
“You’re cut,” She said looking down at my neck. “I’ll go get something to clean it.”<br/>
“Tess, it’s fine-”<br/>
She was already gone before I could say anything else. From the bathroom, I could hear a commotion as she searched through everything. Looking to the couch I saw Roy sitting, messily eating a large burger as he watched TV. I rolled my eyes at the sight and walked towards my room, hoping to slip past Tessa.<br/>
She came out as soon as I started though, pushing me towards a chair at the table. </p><p>“To think, you could have died tonight! That maniac nearly beat that poor girl to death- that could have been you!” She continued ranting as she poured rubbing alcohol onto a wad of toilet paper.<br/>
“I’m fine,” I muttered, tossing the ice pack onto the table. “The guy didn’t hurt me all that much…”<br/>
“Your head is bleeding, you’re cut!”<br/>
I didn’t have the energy to explain what happened to her. When she put the soaked toilet paper on the cut I hissed feeling the area burn.<br/>
“Leave the damn kid alone,” Roy yammered from the couch. “‘They’re grown enough to take care of themself.”<br/>
“How can you say that Roy?”<br/>
He scoffed, “Their own damn fault for being out so late.”</p><p>She turned to me with a worried expression, “What were you doing out (name)?”<br/>
Feeling her hand on my shoulder I brushed it off, “Just hanging out with Kris. We-... We had dinner with Ben and he was driving me home.”<br/>
“I told you not to be hanging around that man.” Roy shook his head.</p><p>“Ok,” I pushed her hand away and stood up holding the paper. “I need to take a shower, are there headache pills in the bathroom?”</p><p>She nodded and as I walked into the bathroom I could hear them starting to bicker.<br/>
The water from the shower drowned them out, but not enough. I could still hear the curses they slung at each other, the doors slamming. As I got out to dry off I let the water run. </p><p>
  <em>Remember.</em>
</p><p>I clenched my fists feeling my nails start to dig into my skin.</p><p>
  <em>Not a word.</em>
</p><p>My silence could lead to more murders from that maniac. No. It’ll definitely lead to more murders. How could I just sit there and not say a thing about him?<br/>
I tried reasoning with the awful thoughts piling up in my mind, but in the end I was being nothing but selfish. One life for the death of many just wasn’t right. Running through that moment, I know I could have done so much more. Maybe if I didn’t practically beg for my life the police would have had time to catch him.<br/>
Overwhelmed with thoughts and guilt I search under the sink. Pushing past bottles of cleaners and tubs of old makeup, I find what I’m looking for. I take out the small box with shaky hands, hearing the clutter of metal inside. </p><p>I need to go back to the police station. Tell the sheriff who I saw, and whatever comes after that, I deserve it. </p><p>I deserve all of it.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Another Shitty Monday</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I wake up early the next day. Maybe the fear of missing the bus pushing me to wake up before the sun is up, or the immense pain in my head was in.<br/>
I wouldn’t want to be stuck here after what happened last night, but suddenly school doesn’t seem as important as it did yesterday morning. </p><p>As I slide out of bed I hear the crinkle of the bag of snacks. It almost disgusts me knowing it was him that paid for them. Still, I stuff the bag into my backpack and get dressed, straining my eyes to find clothes in the dark of my room.<br/>
I put on a thin long sleeve and shorts to keep me from overheating. Outside my door I can hear Roy talking under his breath, clearly frustrated. Luckily my door is locked as I hear him roughly shake the doorknob. I freeze as he hits the door once, letting out a curse before he storms off. It’s still really early, even for him to be up. </p><p>I spent a long time in my dark room hearing as Roy rummaged through drawers around the house. Laying in bed I almost fell asleep, but the sound of the front door slamming shut woke me up. The sun still hadn’t risen but I knew I should take advantage of Roy leaving so early. </p><p>Just as I expected, the house was a mess. Things were thrown everywhere, cabinets and drawers left open, even cushions to the couch turned over. I let out a tired huff and went to the bathroom. He even left a mess in here.<br/>
I shook my head and started picking up the fallen things, organizing pushed over bottles. I caught sight of myself in the mirror. Stopping completely I saw the bruise on my head, the cut has scabbed over and around the area was a dark purple. I pulled down the collar of my shirt to see the cut there seemed to be healing fine.</p><p>After I was done with my business in the bathroom, I went to find the ice pack. Unsurprisingly it was still on the table, along with the food from last night. Shoving the ice pack in the freezer, I toss the leftovers into the fridge. </p><p>I was so used to not having much time in the morning, I didn’t know what to do with myself. Maybe I could go back to sleep, let Roy’s alarm wake me up. My stomach growled in protest though. Looking in the fridge I didn’t see anything I could make for breakfast. All there was were old boxes of pizza and other fast food leftovers. I did spot a carton of milk in the back though; reaching in to grab it, I was lucky to see it hadn’t expired yet. Searching through the cabinets I found cereal and some browning bananas. That was a decent breakfast, right?<br/>
After cleaning up the kitchen, I washed some dishes and made my food. I decided to go back to my room and eat, eventually falling back asleep after finishing my cereal.</p><p>When I opened my eyes again I saw sunlight flooding through my window. Immediately I shot up, looking around disoriented. A wave of dread washed over me thinking it was late. I grabbed my backpack and clambered out of my room. Looking to the clock in the living room I saw it was already eight twenty-six! I prayed that the bus was late today.</p><p>As I speed down the street, only for a moment, it seemed like things were normal again. It was just a normal day like any other. Then I made it to the end of the block.<br/>
A small crowd of about ten kids stood waiting, talking amongst themselves from what I could tell, before one saw me. They turned to their friend and it seemed to set off a chain reaction, seemingly all of them turning to me with wide eyes. Slowing my pace I staggered for a moment to catch my breath. Seeing everyone turn to me every few seconds made me want to turn and run. But then the bus passed me, stopping at the corner in front of the kids. I took my time walking up, the last of everyone to file into the bus. </p><p>“Good morning,” The bus driver said with a small smile.<br/>
I nodded breathing out a quick ‘morning’ before going down the aisle. It seemed like everyone was staring at me now, I felt my nerves going berserk. Maybe I should skip today if everyone is going to be like this. I wonder what the news said about last night's events. They must have brought up my name for everyone to be looking at me like this.</p><p>It was a long drive to school. Without my headphones I could hear everyone talking around me. For the most part, I could only hear kids talking about the tragedy that happened last night. Condolences for the poor woman, thankful it wasn’t them. I could hear my name brought up a few times, most of it hushed, I tried not to listen in anyway.</p><p>I didn’t see Kris until fourth period, right before lunch. We had morning classes on opposite sides of the buildings sadly, yet it was nice talking with him at the end of the day. He was practically the only person I talked to nowadays. </p><p>It was hard to focus on the lessons, but I don’t think any of the teachers cared. I was in my own world for the most part, just on autopilot as I went from class to class. As fourth period came closer I began to worry. What am I supposed to tell him? I’m telling the Sheriff the truth today anyways, maybe I should tell him who I saw.<br/>
The man with the scars.<br/>
A chill ran through my spine. No, I should leave him out of this mess. I don’t want anything to happen to Kris, he didn’t do anything wrong. This was my fault.</p><p>As I walked to fourth period, I saw Kris waiting outside. Once he saw me his eyes widened and he ran to me at full speed. Shocked, I stopped in my tracks. Kris stopped right in front of me, his sneakers letting out a loud screech before he wrapped his arms around my neck.<br/>
I nearly fell back as he held on to me.<br/>
“Hey Kris,” I let out a nervous laugh. People around us started to stare as they walked past, commenting on us to their friends.<br/>
“I called you like, a million times- it went straight to voicemail.”<br/>
“I uh… my phone broke…”<br/>
He pulled out of the hug and grabbed my shoulders, “I’m so glad you’re ok. My mom told me what happened, it was on the news!”<br/>
I smiled nervously looking away from hits eyes, “Yeah. I thought so…”<br/>
“Oh man- Your head, that must hurt like hell,” He winced taking a closer look at me.<br/>
I managed to smile, “Yeah. He also cut me here.” I pulled down the collar of my shirt to reveal the red scabbed cut.<br/>
“The guy cut you?” Kris practically yelled.<br/>
I shushed him quickly covering up the cut again. He smiled nervously apologizing to me.</p><p>We walked into class together, sitting at our usual table. Not many students were in this class in particular, only maybe eleven others.<br/>
“What the hell happened?” Kris whispered to me, his arm on the table as he leaned close towards me.</p><p>I told him everything, at least everything I had told the Sheriff. It was difficult for me to lie to him like this, but it was for his own good.</p><p>“Gosh, I never thought something like that would happen here.”<br/>
I nodded, my mind going back to last night.<br/>
“Have you heard about the girl?”<br/>
I turned to him hesitantly, “No, what about her?” As horrible as it sounds, I hope she hadn’t woken up yet. I needed time to tell the Sheriff what happened first.<br/>
“She’s in a coma. The guy beat her so badly, they don’t know when she’s going to wake up.” I looked down at my hands as he explained. “They said she’s lucky to be alive, the knife was inches close to cutting something that would have killed her right then and there.”<br/>
I swallow dryly, putting my head in my hands. Kris stopped talking, putting a hand on my back.</p><p>Taking in a breath I sit up, “You want to skip with me today? I can’t be here anymore.”<br/>
Kris nods understandingly, “Yeah. We can go to the store, maybe to Benny's if you want?”<br/>
I shook my head, “I uh… I need to go to the police station…”<br/>
He looked at me worriedly, “Why, what’s wrong?”<br/>
“N-Nothing,” I say too quick. “I just need to finish up the... the police report. Roy dragged me out of there before I could.”<br/>
Kris nodded letting out a hum, “Yeah, of course, that’s fine.”</p><p>I forced out a small laughed, “We could go get something to eat though.”<br/>
Kris got the hint and smiled, changing his tone, “Yusss- I need some chicken strips!”</p><p>Class came and went, I honestly couldn’t focus on the lesson. In my head I was going through what I’d be telling the Sheriff, thinking about how she would react, how that man would get me once he found out. </p><p>When the bell rang for lunch Kris and I went off campus, going to the first fast food restaurant we found on our way to the police station. We sat down at a booth, eating across from each other. Kris was nice enough to buy for me but, I didn’t feel as hungry right now. I stared out the window feeling a sort of paranoia grab me as my thoughts spiraled out of control.<br/>
“You ok?”<br/>
I blinked, turning to Kris with a smile, “Yeah. Why?”<br/>
He shrugged a shoulder playing with the leftover fries on the tray, “You just seem out of it today… I don’t blame you but, if you want to talk about it-”<br/>
I laughed a bit seeing him so serious, “I’m just thinking about what I’m going to tell the Sheriff.”<br/>
“Right,” He smiled, “that’s some- important stuff to be thinking about.”</p><p>I nodded and went back to staring out the window, now actually starting to think about what I was going to say.<br/>
“I’m really glad you’re okay (name)...” Kris smiled sadly. “I don’t know what I would have done if… You know..”</p><p>Once we finished our lunch we were back to walking. The police station was relatively far, a lot deeper into town than our houses, so we had quite a lot of time to talk. The conversation got cheery soon and we were back to talking like we did before. Joking and complaining about school, planning what we’d be doing this week.<br/>
The police station was just down the street now and I can feel my stomach doing backflips. I guess Kris could see something was wrong.</p><p>“It’s going to be alright (name),” He laughed putting his arm around me. “They’ll get the guy soon. I bet your report will be just the thing they need to catch the fucker!”<br/>
I forced a smile, “Yeah... Now get away from me, you’re musty!”<br/>
“What? Is my deodorant not strong enough?” He pulled me closer starting to laugh. “Take another sniff, I think it smells fine.”<br/>
I struggled to pull myself out of his stinky grip and we both wrestled down the sidewalk, laughing loudly and yelling at each other.<br/>
“Ugh- you really do need better deodorant-”<br/>
Finally prying myself out of his arms, stumbling ahead, I bump into someone at full force. A clutter rang out as bags fell to the floor.</p><p>“Ah- I’m so sorry!” I quickly turned in shock, picking up the items before they could roll onto the street.<br/>
“(name)?”<br/>
Quickly I managed to grab a can before looking up at the person. It was Sarah.<br/>
“Sorry about that Sarah, that was my fault,” Kris laughed, kneeling down to help me pick up the items.<br/>
“No problem, at least nothing busted,” She laughed.<br/>
Grabbing the paper bag Kris and I pile the items into it and hand it back to Sarah with apologetic smiles.</p><p>“Aren’t you two suppose to be in school right now?” She smiled playfully, glancing at her watch.<br/>
“Wellllll….” Kris laughed nervously.<br/>
I smiled at the two of them, “I needed to go down to the police station to finish up a few things, and school is…” I lifted my shoulders making some indecipherable sound.<br/>
She nodded, “Yeah, Ben told me what happened. I’m glad you made it out of that with only a few scratches.”<br/>
There was a silence, I rubbed my neck making Kris lightly bump into me, “Me too…” I muttered.<br/>
“You two can come by the diner when you're done- Oh! I’ll just give you my number and you can call me for a ride.”<br/>
“Really? That’s hecka nice, thank you!” Kris smiled brightly as he pulled out his phone.</p><p>Sarah laughed as she started reciting her number to him. I smiled watching the two, but that faded quickly. My eyes wandered past Sarah's form and down the block, in front of the police station, was a familiar figure. </p><p>“Kris-” I sputtered, quickly turning my head- “You should go with Sarah.”<br/>
He looked at me a bit taken aback, “What? Why?”<br/>
I forced out a laugh, “I don’t want you to sit in the waiting room for an hour. Just go and I’ll finish up here.” My eyes frantically went back and forth from the man, afraid that he had noticed me yet.<br/>
“You don’t have a phone, and I’m not just going to leave you here by yourself,” Kris chucked looking at me with worry in his eyes.<br/>
I shook my head, “It’s fine, really, I think.. I think I’d rather do this on my own.” I let out another tense laugh. “I’ll call from the station when I’m done, I’m sure they’ll let me use a phone there.”<br/>
Kris pressed his lips together, still hesitant abdout my decision.<br/>
“If that’s what you want,” Sarah stared at me with a small smile. “Just call Kris then. I’ll be here in a jiffy.”<br/>
I nodded, appreciating her understanding even if this whole thing was a big lie. Kris still seemed conflicted but eventually let out a huff.<br/>
“I guess… I’ll see you later then,” He wrapped his arms around me in a hug, probably lingering a little longer than necessary. “Be safe.”<br/>
I chuckled, “I will, don’t worry.”</p><p>They both said goodbye and went the other direction, thankfully. That makes this a lot easier.<br/>
Once they were out of sight I turned and scanned the street. He wasn’t at the corner anymore, I couldn’t find him anywhere. Narrowing my eyes I cautiously made my way down the street. As I made it to the corner I began to second guess myself. Maybe I was just seeing things. He wouldn’t have the balls to camp right in front of the police station, would he?<br/>
I spastically pressed the button to cross the street and waited anxiously. All I had to do was make it across the street… Cross the street and hurry inside to the safety of ten to fifteen armed police officers.</p><p>“Hey there kiddo,” An arm wrapped around my shoulder making me jump and nearly freeze in the middle of the street. “How ‘bout we take a walk, just you and me.”<br/>
I wanted to stop hearing the gravelly voice but his pull practically dragged me across the crosswalk. I turned to see he was smiling, the man with scars. He wore a hat that shadowed half his face in the afternoon sun and a white long sleeve that smelled musty around me. He pulled me in closer as we got onto the sidewalk, his arm practically smothering my face.<br/>
“Now correct me if I’m wrong, but it looked like you were about to walk into this police station.” His chin dug into the top of my head as he looked over to the building.<br/>
Though I knew this would happen, him eventually finding out I told the police, I didn’t think it would be like this.<br/>
“I was.”<br/>
I also didn’t think he would catch me before I could make it through the doors.</p><p>“Emphasis on was, you’re coming with me now,” He grabbed my shoulder, digging his thumb into my skin.<br/>
I winced, jerking myself out of his grip. We were past the station entrance now, bushes blocking the windows from the scene playing out here. I expected movement towards me, a threatening gesture, harsh words to try and get me to obey, but there was nothing. He simply stopped in his tracks and slowly turned to me. His expression blank, unfazed. I stumbled back at this, narrowing my eyes at him.<br/>
“You know what happens when you go in there,” His head raised before a smirk edged on his face, “Or maybe that wasn’t enough.” He put his hands in his pockets stepping towards me. “Do I need to involve that boy that follows you around? Or maybe that man at the diner? That girl seems fun, I’d love to cut into her-”<br/>
His smile grew, twisting sadistically. I started to see images of him standing over their bloodied bodies, echoes of their screams going through my head. Blood on my hands.<br/>
“No-” My steps wavered as I tried to get some distance between us- “I’ll go with you, just don’t hurt them.”<br/>
He hummed contently, swiftly turning back on his original path, “Good. Now stop making a scene and let’s get going.”</p><p>Down the street, parked in an isolated alleyway, was an impala. I glanced around anxiously as the both of us walked closer. Now that I was actually walking with this psycho, I do not want to be seen with him by the police. Or anyone. This town already seems to know everything that goes on around here, and walking down an alley with a strange older man does not look good… even with context. </p><p>“Did you steal this car too?” I mutter bitterly.<br/>
“No,” He opens the back door narrowing his eyes, “and I wasn’t going to steal the truck.”<br/>
I stand still for a moment before walking to the door, “That doesn’t make it any better.”<br/>
Before I could slide in he held the door semi-closed, nearly shutting it on my leg.<br/>
“I don’t steal, kid. Not from this town,” He stared down at me with a stern face, fists clenched.</p><p>He wasn’t budging, even as I tried to pull the door from him.<br/>
“Ok then. Where did you get the car from this time then?”<br/>
He smiled, “I’m glad you asked.”<br/>
Letting go of the door finally, he went into the driver's seat. </p><p>Quickly he started the car, backing out of the alleyway before I could manage to put on my seat belt. I scooted behind the front seat to have a clear view of the man, also because I couldn’t take him being able to look at me so clearly through the rearview mirror.<br/>
“This car was loaned to me by a friend,” he reached to the floor of the front seat not watching the road. “He’s coming into town soon too.”<br/>
His friend? I wondered what kind of people a killer hangs out with… probably other killers.</p><p>Sitting back up the man tossed something to me, returning both hands on the steering wheel. I flinched before realizing what he threw was just a hat. The cap he was wearing yesterday.<br/>
“Let’s try to keep this low profile. Keep your head down and your mouth shut.”<br/>
I put the cap on, adjusting it over my eyes, “Where are you taking me?”<br/>
“You’re going to finish some business your friend interrupted,” He smirked.<br/>
I paused, looking at his profile, “... I’m not going to- I can’t kill someone!”<br/>
“Don’t be so dramatic,” He scoffed, turning the corner, “she’s in a hospital. What do you think I’m going to make you do?”<br/>
I furrowed my brows looking out the window.<br/>
“Exactly. All you’re going to do is leave a needle in the room. Simple as that.” He chuckled to himself. “Hell, I don’t know if I can trust you with something as simple as that.”<br/>
“Why don’t you do it yourself then?”<br/>
“The place is crawling with cops. It’ll be normal for you to walk in there like nothing, if I go in there they’ll need a reason from me. I’m not in the mood to come up with some bullshit story,” He shook his head.</p><p>I blinked turning to the man curiously, “They do know what you look like. You know that, right?”<br/>
“Oh really? Like a police sketch? How did I look?” He let out a breathy laugh as he glanced back at me. “I let that happen on purpose. I was getting bored so I thought I’d throw in a challenge. Do they have a name for me yet?”<br/>
“No,” I watched as the smile lingered on his lips. “What is your name anyway?”<br/>
“Why do you need to know?”<br/>
I was silent in thought for a minute, trying to come up with some good reason.<br/>
“So I don’t accidentally tell the cops.”<br/>
He scoffed, “As if you’d actually be able to guess my name.”<br/>
I narrowed my eyes at him before turning back to the window. </p><p>We were approaching the hospital now, and as he said, I could see multiple police cars parked in front. The man pulled into another alleyway, putting the car in park before reaching for the glove compartment.<br/>
“You know what you’re doing, right?” He side eyed me.<br/>
I glanced around nervously, “Yes.”<br/>
He groaned pulling out a needle, still in its package, along with a piece of cloth.<br/>
“You’re going to take this,” He held up the needle to show me, “and you’re going to hide it in the room. Preferably in the drawer on the right side of the bed. Simple as that.” He started to wipe the package with the cloth. “And try not to put your fingers on it, my pal won’t wipe it when he’s done.”</p><p>Handing me the needle in the cloth he continued to stare me down. I pulled out my backpack and gingerly set the wrapped needle inside.<br/>
“Tell me what you’re doing.”<br/>
I huffed zipping up my bag, “Visiting the girl's room, hiding the needle inside.” He narrowed his eyes at me, “Drawer to the right…”<br/>
“Good, don’t fuck this up,” He turned in his seat smirking. “And hey, if you make it out without getting caught, I’ll tell you my name. How bout’ that?”<br/>
“How about I do this and you leave me and my friends alone?” I bitterly responded.<br/>
He chuckled resting his wrist on the steering wheel as he slumped in his seat, “Don’t bother coming back.”<br/>
“Right,” I pushed the door open slamming it shut behind me.<br/>
As I walked I saw he didn’t make a move to drive off, in fact, the car turned off. I didn’t care to look back at him though.</p><p>Approaching the hospital I started to become anxious, nervously adjusting my hat as I passed a couple of police cars. The cool air was less than inviting, inside the front desk was buzzing with activity. Timidly I walked up to the counter and, eventually, a nurse noticed me.</p><p>“What can I do for you?” He kindly asked.<br/>
“I’m here to visit someone,” Clearing my throat I tried my best not to fidget. “The girl from last night.”<br/>
“You don’t know her name?” He asked suspiciously.<br/>
“No, I just-… I wanted to see if she was alright…” My voice trailed off.<br/>
“Sorry but if you’re not an immediate family memeber you’re not-”</p><p>“(name)?”</p><p>Stiffly I turned towards the familiar voice. It was the Sheriff, I couldn’t quite remember her name. She continued towards me with a soft smile, “I didn’t think I’d see you here.” I stayed silent staring at her in shock. “Why aren’t you at school?”<br/>
“Uh well,” My face started to burn. I was so flustered. “I was going to- I wanted to see her. My friend told me she was in a coma.”<br/>
The nurse let out a soft gasp, “Oh I’m so sorry. I didn’t know you were the kid who helped.”<br/>
“I didn’t really, that was all Ben.”<br/>
The Sheriff chuckled patting my shoulder, “Don’t be so modest, because of you we’re closer to identifying the bastard.” </p><p>The sheriff helped sign me in and walked me to the woman’s room. Even after I tried insisting she didn’t have to.<br/>
“It’s no problem,” She smiled sweetly, “plus I need to apologize.” I looked up to her confused. “Last night-... I went out of line shoving all those pictures in your face. I’m sure you didn’t need to see that, especially after what happened.”<br/>
“Oh yeah…” I wasn’t sure how to respond. “Those pictures… Why not put them on the news? Then everyone can be on the lookout for them.”<br/>
She hummed, “I thought that at first too. But, you have to consider the people. Putting out all those photos for the public could cause mass hysteria, not to mention copycats. That’d only make the investigation harder for the police.”<br/>
“Oh right. That’s smart I guess…” It also saddened me. If the photos were out, for at least Greymill to see, it wouldn’t take long for the people to pick out the man.<br/>
“But, that doesn’t mean the police aren’t on the lookout. We have a few officers patrolling town so don’t worry, you’re safe.” She patted my shoulder again trying to comfort me.<br/>
“Yeah.”<br/>
It wasn’t working.</p><p>We slowed in front of a closed door near the end of the hall, she nodded to an officer nearby. “Here it is,” She put her hands on her hips as she turned to me. “You want me to go with you?”<br/>
I smiled hiding my tense hands in my pockets, “No, I think I should go in alone…”<br/>
She nodded understandingly and I caught a glimpse of her name tag, ‘B. Foley’<br/>
I still stammered, “Thank you sheriff.”<br/>
“Do you need a ride home after this?”<br/>
“N-No. I was just going to head to the diner afterwards.”<br/>
“Benny’s?” I nodded. “What a coincidence, I was heading there myself! I need to check on Ben and maybe see Drew if he was around.”<br/>
I laughed anxiously, “Nice.”</p><p>Foley nodded happily and took a seat on a chair across from the door. I went into the room feeling my legs shake with every step. The door shut behind me with a loud clang. It was eerily dark inside, the only lights coming from a TV mounted to the ceiling and the small lights above the patient beds. The first bed held a man, though the TV was on he was from reading a large book in his lap. I didn’t try to stare long and quickly walked past to the other bed, hoping the sheriff hadn’t mixed up the rooms. Though I didn’t know what she looked like, I could tell it was her at first glance. </p><p>A young woman lay in bed, pale skin bruised and cut, messy dirty blonde hair resting on the pillow. She laid there motionless, machines plugged into her creating a soft whirr under the sound of the TV. </p><p>I took a deep breath gripping onto the straps of my bag. Sitting in a chair next to the bed I set my backpack at my feet. For a minute I just stared. A few flowers sat on the tables next to the bed along with a balloon. This all seemed as unreal as yesterday, maybe even worse. What was I doing? I’d be just as bad as the bastard if I went through with this.<br/>
“I’m sorry,” I choked out in a soft sob. Shaking my head I bit back the urge to cry out right then and there. Looking to the girl I felt a wave of guilt wash over me. This is someone's daughter, sister, best friend, girlfriend! I just had to go and drag Kris into this, and poor Sarah… Benny. I should have skipped school alone... Like Kris would even allow that.</p><p>Slowly I opened my backpack, picking up the cloth, and silently opening the drawer next to the bed. The needle fell out of the cloth and into the small compartment without any resistance. I closed the drawer as quietly as I could, standing next to her bed. I looked down at her and saw the damage up close. Bulging bruised skin littered with dark scabs. It was hard to look at but my mind easily imagined how it all happened. Created the sounds of his fist hitting her face, knife digging into her skin.<br/>
Wincing I closed my eyes, “I’m so sorry… It should be him in this bed, not you.” That’d make this so much easier. Hell, I’d kill the monster myself. My eyes widened at the thought.<br/>
My thumb pressed against my arm as I sat back down in thought.<br/>
“I-... I can’t promise I’ll be the one to do it but… I’ll try, ok?” I didn’t even know her name… but maybe that was for the best.<br/>
I zipped up my bag with shaky hands, trying to take a breath to calm down. The grip on my sore arm was the only thing that kept me grounded, keeping my thoughts in check, but that wouldn’t last forever. </p><p>I quickly snatched up my bag and went for the door. Hesitating before opening it.<br/>
My last thought was if I did everything correctly. I didn’t want to have the police after me when <em>I</em> was going to be the one to screw that jackass over. Even if I couldn’t be the one to kill him, I’d make sure the police got to him before I’m dead.</p><p>The sheriff was talking with another officer when I walked back out. She turned to me with a smile I knew I didn’t deserve, but still, I played along. Saying goodbye to the officer she walked over to me putting a hand on my shoulder.<br/>
“You ok?”<br/>
I sniffled nodding my head, “He really did a number on her…”<br/>
“She’s a strong girl to have come this far. She’ll make it through this,” She smiled down at me sympathetically. Her eyes said more than her words. She was tired, the dark circles under her eyes telling me she probably hadn’t gotten any sleep last night. I couldn’t blame her. I know how much this meant to her.<br/>
I glanced back to the door as we started heading down the hall. </p><p>We walked out of the hospital and back into the hot air outside. My eyes instinctively scanned the front. The Sheriff led me to her car in which I hesitated on where to go.<br/>
She chuckled, “You can sit in the front sweetie. Unless you <em>want</em> to go back there, there isn’t much leg room though.”<br/>
I smiled at her, shaking my head as I hurried to the front seat.</p><p>It was a painfully silent ride, me mostly just staring out the window. </p><p>Making it to the diner I could see Kris inside, already freaking out seeing the police car. As we walked towards the door I could see him calling out to someone in the kitchen. </p><p>Ben was already walking out when we came in. Wiping his hands on his apron he had a soft smile pressed on his lips.<br/>
“Look who I found,” The sheriff laughed stepping aside as Benny B-lined for me.<br/>
In one swoop Ben had picked me off my feet and into his arms in a tight bear hug. With a laugh, I hugged him back. Eventually he let go of me, leading all of us to a booth to sit at.</p><p>“Let me in,” Kris laughed as he crawled under the table and to my side so I was sandwiched in between the two.<br/>
“My delinquents,” Ben put his arm around the both of us squeezing us together before turning to the sheriff.<br/>
She smiled at the scene before clearing her throat, “Right, I’m here on business sadly.” She took out a pen and a pad of paper from her pocket, setting them on the table. “I’m sorry but I’m going to need to go over last night with the both of you. See if you remember anything else since the incident.”<br/>
Ben and I nodded understandingly.<br/>
“Wait, didn’t you already do this at the station (name)?” Kris pointed out.<br/>
The sheriff looked at me curiously, “Oh, so you went in before you visited the hospital?”<br/>
Kris looked to me furrowing his brows, “You went to the hospital?” He whispered.</p><p>I reddened seeing all eyes on me in a matter of seconds. Frantically my mind searched for excuses to cover up what actually happened.<br/>
“N-No. I didn’t go to the station,” I rubbed my arm. “I went to the hospital because… I couldn’t stop thinking about that girl after you told me she was in a coma.” Kris put his head on my shoulder while I sat in there stiffly. “Then I ran into the sheriff, coincidentally.”<br/>
The Sheriff and I both let out a little laugh at that.<br/>
“I’m glad you did,” The sheriff looked around. “Is Drew here by any chance?”<br/>
“Oh yeah, he is actually,” Benny pushed himself out the booth with a soft smile. “I’ll go get him. Be back in a jiffy.”</p><p>Kris tapped the brim of my hat with a giggle, “Where’d you get this old thing?”<br/>
“I stole it,” I said with a laugh.<br/>
The sheriff cleared her throat, smiling at me with an expectant look.<br/>
“Don’t listen to them sheriff,” Kris waved his hand with a grin. “What they meant to say was that they found the hat while robbing a convenience store.”<br/>
The sheriff laughed at us as I scolded Kris.<br/>
“Oh crap- sorry (name). Kinda ratted you out.”</p><p>Benny came back with Drew pushing him to take a seat next to the sheriff.<br/>
“Would you like anything to drink, Beth? Coffee? Tea?”<br/>
“Some sweet tea would be great, thank you,” She answered.<br/>
Ben turned to me and I said water would be fine.</p><p>“Okay, now that we’re all here,” She picked up her pen getting ready to write. “Let’s go over last night.”<br/>
Drew and I recited all the details we could up to Ben running into the woods. Thankfully Ben had come back just in time with our drinks to tell his side of the story.</p><p>“Well, running in there I could start hearing the poor girl's cries. I admit I wasn’t very quiet, not that I am in general, so the guy must have heard me coming. I just saw the girl laying on the ground, beaten to all hell.” He sighed, taking a second to continue. “I went to her and tried to get her calm, keep her awake you know.”<br/>
Drew chimed in, “This is when I came along. I saw someone creeping behind Ben and shouted at the bastard.”<br/>
“Did any of you manage to see the assaulters face then?” Sheriff asked the two.<br/>
I looked at them biting the inside of my cheek. It didn’t even cross my mind that the two of them could have gotten a look at him. If they did the Sheriff would know for sure I lied.</p><p>They looked to each other before shaking their heads. I let out a silent breath in relief.<br/>
“It was too dark Beth, sorry. Should have brought a flashlight,” Ben put his head in his hands continuing to shake his head.<br/>
“It’s fine Ben, don’t let that bring you down. You saved that woman's life,” The Sheriff put a hand on his arm, putting him at ease as he took another breath and smiled at her.<br/>
“I chased him out the woods,” He continued, “he made it out before me though. And when I got to the road, I saw my truck driving down the road.”<br/>
The boys turned to me expectantly, my turn to tell my story then. </p><p>I began to tell them everything that happened in the beginning, starting to come to the part where the man dragged me out of the bed of the truck. I hesitated for a moment, this would be the time to tell her, to tell all of them. I know Ben and Kris have seen the bastard, it would be easy. </p><p>Taking a drink from my water to ready myself, the bell above the diner door rang. Both Ben and I looked up instinctually and I choked on my drink. Water coming up my nose made me let out a horrible cough.<br/>
Ben patted my back with a small laugh, “Take it easy kid.”<br/>
Kris laughed at me too as my face reddened and my eyes began to water. </p><p>The person coming through the door wore a familiar musty long sleeve and hat that shaded half of his face in the fluorescent lights shining from above.<br/>
I looked at the table as the man looked directly at me, “Went down the wrong pipe.” I struggled to say.<br/>
The sheriff smirked at me as Drew rolled his eyes, a playful smile on his lips.</p><p>I couldn’t believe the asshole was here, the sheriff was right here, she knew <em>exactly</em> what he looked like!<br/>
He took a seat at a stool and a waiter came to take his order.</p><p>Clearing up my throat I looked to the sheriff, my eyes still watery.<br/>
“You ok (name)?” She asked.<br/>
“I uh- yes,” I wiped a stray tear from my cheek. “Where was I?”<br/>
“The truck stopped and you hit your head.”</p><p>I put a hand over the bruise on my head, glancing at the man at the stool. He turned to me, done with his order, and smiled. My heart froze and I couldn’t seem to look away. His hand went to his pocket and I could see something silver peeking out.<br/>
A gun.<br/>
He brought a fucking gun, threatening me right behind the sheriff’s back. I let out a shaky breath putting a hand over my mouth as I rested my arms on the table.<br/>
“Are you sure you’re okay? You look as pale as a ghost,” The sheriff asked again, worry beginning to peek through her eyes.<br/>
I nodded my head quickly, “I’m fine yeah. It’s just... It’s tough going back to that moment.”<br/>
“Of course.”</p><p>I prayed Kris or Ben would catch a glance at the gun inside that man’s pocket. I hoped the sheriff would take just one look around the diner, for a second. I knew she’d recognize his face on sight.<br/>
I wish I wasn’t shaking as much as I was.<br/>
But, I continued to tell the story, lying to her face once again. Lying to all of them, convincing myself that it was for the best.<br/>
Who knows how many would be killed if he even thought I told the sheriff about him.</p><p><em>A gun</em>, I kept thinking, <em>he brought a fucking gun</em>. </p><p>I finished telling my side of the story, lying. The Sheriff asked me some follow up questions, anything about his voice, any noticeable details of his jacket or hands.<br/>
I lied for them all, except one.<br/>
“I remember his voice,” I hesitantly said, glancing at the man. His head had perked up hearing me say this, narrowing his eyes at me threateningly. “It was deep. Gravelly, like he’d been screaming… or smoked a lot.” I bite my cheek working up the courage to continue, “His breath definitely smelled like it, and beer.”<br/>
“Gross,” Kris mutters. His face was scrunched up in thought. </p><p>The sheriff stared at me for a moment before writing the details down, “Good. That’s very good to know.”<br/>
I wasn’t sure if it really was, but it felt good saying that small detail about him. One truth in the pot of lies.<br/>
I side-eyed him.<br/>
The man continued glaring at me before a grin etched on his face. His eyes narrowed at me as he started to laugh into his hand. Suddenly, I wasn’t as confident.</p><p>Eventually, the day went on. The sheriff stuck around, talking with Ben and Drew before leaving back to the station. I was sad to see her go, especially since she walked right past the man who did all this and didn’t even notice him. I don’t blame her though, the fuckers hair was covering the sides of his face as he ate his meal. Man, I’d work here just to spit in his food.<br/>
After the sheriff left he joined soon after. </p><p>I glared at him from across the diner, watching as he casually walked across the street to his car. </p><p>“Look who’s being nosy now,” Kris laughed from behind my shoulder.<br/>
I didn’t move to look at him, just watching as the man’s car drove off.<br/>
“Hey,” He grabbed my shoulder with a concerned wilt in his voice, “what’s wrong?”</p><p>“Don’t you-” I turned to him and hesitated, trying to pick my words carefully- “Isn’t it weird this is all happening? Here of all places…”<br/>
Kris nodded solemnly.<br/>
I took a breath trying to think through all this. What the hell he had planned now that I let that little detail slide.<br/>
“You think we could catch the guy?” Kris had a look of determination as he continued.<br/>
“Kris,” I sighed, “this is serious.”<br/>
He paused for a moment, “I am being serious. We can find him! We don’t have to catch the guy ourselves, but maybe we can track him down.”</p><p>I turned in my seat, resting my head on the table, “He probably skipped town already.”<br/>
There was another layer of guilt to telling him all this. I could still see his mind turning in ways he could find down this awful man.<br/>
“There has to be something we can do…”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. A Storm's Rolling In</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It smelled like a storm was coming. I quickly sat up and noticed on my wrists were a pair of handcuffs. I was in a nearly barren room, the wood withering away from weather damage. Soft grey light leaked through a boarded up window just beside me; cloudy, as I expected. I was sitting on a few blankets in the middle of a thin browning mattress. <br/>“Man, do you guys ever sleep?”<br/>It was the man with the scars, I’d recognize his voice by now. It sounded like he was just outside the room.<br/>Another voice spoke, “Stop complaining, we’re cleaning up <em>your</em> mess. You owe us.”<br/>‘Cleaning up his mess’? Were they talking about me? Oh no, this is where I die isn’t it! On this nasty STD filled mattress!</p><p>“Yeah, yeah. Just take them both and go already,” The man groaned. “I’m tired as shit.”<br/>“Both?” The other voice questioned. “You’re dealing with the kid. We’re taking the girl.”<br/>Am I being killed or not?<br/>“What? You two dragged ‘em here, I thought you were going to take the both of them!”<br/>A third voice spoke, much quieter than the rest, “I saw you left a ww..witness on the nnews. You should have f...ff..fixed that by now.”</p><p>I patted my pockets and saw I still had my knife with me, good. I could use it if I really had to. There are three of them though, much older than me, so it would be a good idea to keep it as a last resort. I peeked out the doorway and saw there was only a bathroom door and what seemed like a hallway that led straight towards the voices.<br/>“C’mon, they’re harmless. They even helped sneak in that needle into the hospital.”</p><p>The bathroom door was slightly ajar. I could see light coming through; I held onto the chain of the handcuffs to keep them from making any noises that’d give me away, and decided to try my luck going in. <br/>Why’d they leave me so unguarded? I thought I’d wake up tied to something, my legs bound, something like that- not that I was complaining. If they really think I’m that harmless I could use that to my advantage.</p><p>One sighed, “You really got that kid doing your dirty work?”<br/>“Oh don’t act so high an’ mighty, that’s your whole business asshole.”<br/>Inside the bathroom, I saw a small window, it wasn't boarded up and just big enough for me to squeeze through. It was high above the bathtub, but I could reach it if I stood on the edge of the tub.</p><p>“You nn..n..need to kill them,” The quiet voice spoke, making me freeze. “Th..That’s an a..arrest waiting to happen.”<br/>“I-I-I-I d-d-don’t need to do shit,” The man mocked. “I have this under control.”<br/>I checked the locks, but even then the window wouldn’t budge any further than an inch. This was my only way out at this point, I <em>needed</em> it to open.<br/>“Just like you had that guy under control in Florida?” The voice asked him with a chuckle. “There’s a police sketch of you in the feds' hands now, Jeff.”</p><p>I pushed and pushed the window, and it finally started to strain with a soft creak. <br/>Come on…</p><p>“I did that on purpose,” He muttered.<br/>“No you didn’t. You were reckless and stupid as always. Putting yourself before-”<br/>“Shut up- Shut the fuck up!” The man yelled.</p><p>I flinched hearing his loud voice. There was a silence making me stop in my efforts, afraid they’d hear me.<br/>“I’ll be in town,” The other voice continued. “Try not to screw things up again.”</p><p>The two left, their footsteps trailing off and outside. Looking out the bathroom window I saw them. Two men. One in an orange hoodie and the other wearing a cream-colored jacket. The one in the jacket pulled out a cigarette and sparked a lighter. He looked back to the door making me duck behind the wall, but I stayed being able to see his face. Brown hair, sideburns. That’s all I could really make out from this distance. The other one had his hood up.</p><p>They walked to their car and drove off. I thought maybe I could report them to the sheriff if I made it back to town. <br/>No.<br/><em>When</em>. When I make it back to town.</p><p>The house was completely silent now. I wondered what he was doing out there. <br/>Jeff. That was his name. The name of the murderer. <br/>Something crashed nearly making me fall. Glass smashing on the floor, and soon things sounded like they were being thrown and pushed over.<br/>I frantically pushed on the window as Jeff let out a frustrated yell. My hands were starting to shake as it opened another inch. The cuffs were rattling at this point but I was too frantic to care.</p><p>Booming footsteps came down the hall and past the bathroom.<br/>He groaned, loudly cursing to himself. A bang made me jump and the window opened fully, and loudly. I reached my hands through and started pulling myself up. <br/>I was almost halfway through when the door slammed open.<br/>“Oh no you don’t!” He laughed and grabbed both my legs. <br/>I strained to keep my grip on the sil of the window, “Fuck you!” I yelled, starting to kick my legs at him.</p><p>“Hoodie said you put up a good fight,” He let go of one leg just to wrap an arm around my waist. “But to be fair, he’s a weak bitch.” <br/>With his new found grip on me he was able to yank me out of the window. Throwing me to the floor of the bathroom. I scrambled to get onto my feet and run, but Jeff jumped down from the tub, slamming his boot onto my back. </p><p>I let out a strained scream and was on the floor immediately. He grabbed me by the chain of the handcuffs and dragged me out of the bathroom. I let my leg catch the door frame, ignoring the stinging strain of the handcuffs against my wrist, but he grabbed me from the underarm and threw me back onto the mattress. <br/>“Are you going to be good?” He asked with a tilt of the head.<br/>I thought of the knife, then nodded. It was just him now, I could do some damage if he lets his guard down.</p><p>I looked to see he was staring down at me with furrowed brows. His fists were clenched and I could hear his heavy breaths. <br/>“... I don’t believe you,” He muttered.<br/>Getting his guard down might be a bit of a challenge.</p><p>He left the doorway, rummaging through some things before coming back with a bottle of alcohol in hand. He opened it and began to drink, eyes not leaving my form.</p><p>I huffed feeling my back started to ache and burn along with my wrists; I couldn’t let him see it getting to me though.<br/>“I have school,” I mutter, “people are going to notice I’m missing!”<br/>“Yeah,” He took a drink thinking silently as he stared off for a minute. “Maybe I should get you back home.” He turned back to me with narrowed eyes, “Or maybe not.”<br/>Reaching behind him, he pulled out a gun from the back of his jeans. Cocking it as he pointed it right at me. The same gun he showed in the diner.<br/>“I told you not to say a word about me to the police,” He chuckled. “You want to die, don’t you?”<br/>I froze as he came closer with his gun. <br/>“No one will care when you’re gone you know,” He laughed. “Even that friend of yours- he doesn’t care. He’ll just move on to the next person, everyone does!”<br/>He shoved the barrel of the gun to my head furiously. My shoulders tensed and I looked to the floor, helpless.<br/>“You’re nothing!”</p><p>A click sounded off in the silence of the room. <br/>I could hear the trickle of rain starting to come down on the broken down house, and then a laugh. </p><p>Jeff was cackling, “You actually thought there were bullets in this?” He pulled the trigger of the gun at me spastically making me flinch. “It’s empty you dumbass!”<br/>He threw the gun at my feet before taking a drink from his bottle. I looked between him and the gun as he laughed, walking out of the room and down the hall. I could hear him choking a bit on his drink as he chuckled, and eventually, it died down.</p><p>Sound filled the house, some music blasting through bad speakers. <br/>My throat tightened as I looked down to the gun. </p><p>Why? <br/>Why am I here? </p><p>I reached out for the gun.</p><p>Why did I want there to be a bullet inside?</p><p>I clenched my fist as tears started to pour out of my eyes. My face burned as I tried my best to silence my cries. I kicked away the gun and sobbed into my hands. <br/>His words echoed through my mind as much as I hated them. I cursed myself for doing this, for feeling this way- especially at a time like this! What did I want? To go up to that psycho and say ‘Hey mister! Could you maybe actually do that thing you threatened to do and kill me?’. <br/>How much more pathetic could I be?</p><p>I manage to calm myself, taking a deep breath as I wipe the tears off my cheeks. The skin around my wrist was peeling revealing the tender pink flesh beneath. Every touch from the cuffs made it sting with pain; the same could be said about my back. <br/>I shake off my self-pity and pick myself up. Despite my body's protest, I knew I had to do something. I couldn’t just sit around feeling sorry for myself, not now at least.</p><p>Looking to the bathroom door I saw it was shut completely now. If the window was still open I could make a run for it. Who knows how far I’d make it though. It seemed heavily wooded outside, and the rain was pouring now. Jeff had to have his car, if I could find his keys that’d be a quick escape.<br/>I wearily make my way to the living room. Everything was toppled over, ashtrays were thrown on the floor, shattered glass littered about, lamps lay broken beside the wall.<br/>Jeff came in from the kitchen making me take a step back. He took a long drink from his bottle before going to the couch to sit. The music was still blasting through the room, some station that played old rock music. </p><p>I let out a breath and continued scanning the room. I didn’t notice anything out of the place, and I didn’t see any keys either. The front door was wide open with Jeff’s chair facing it. I couldn’t see into the kitchen from my point of view.<br/>“Kid!” He yelled. “Come over here.”<br/>I really didn’t want to, but sure. I navigated around all the broken glass and before I could come into his view he held out a cup to me.<br/>“Take this and sit down.”<br/>I glared at him but took the cup anyways, sitting on the couch at the other side of his chair. I could smell inside the cup was some alcohol. </p><p>He kneeled down to the radio sitting beside his chair and turned down the volume. Hunched over with his elbows on his knees, he motioned me to take a drink.<br/>“Why?” I questioned holding the cup on my knees.<br/>“I don’t have anything else to drink,” He said.<br/>I looked at the cup with narrowed eyes and then back to him, “Alcohol makes you more dehydrated.”</p><p>He stared at me, clearly frustrated, but simply took another drink from his bottle and relaxed in his chair. He was like that for a while. I didn’t know what to do.<br/>My eyes went to the open door. I still need the keys and with my luck, they were probably on his person. I looked back to my drink and started to think. Think too much. </p><p>“What grade are you in?”<br/>I froze for a moment. Looking at him I saw he was staring out the door. He didn’t sound very interested, but he was obviously asking for a reason. <br/>Talking is a good thing to do during a kidnapping right? Get the kidnapper sympathetic and make him feel bad. As long as I don’t get all Stockholm syndrome with him I think I’ll be fine.<br/>“I’m a sophomore,” I answered.<br/>His brows creased, “What grade is that?”<br/>“Tenth grade.”<br/>“Hm, you made it farther than I did…. I think.” He pursed his lips before shaking his head. “I don’t remember much of my highschool years.”</p><p>He seemed to doze off at the mention of his high school days; his frown lines deepening.<br/>“You smoke weed?” I ask. He gave me a sort of confused and maybe offended look. “What?”<br/>“No,” He shook his head. “I don’t smoke ‘weed’.”</p><p>I set my cup on the floor clearing my throat. I didn’t know what the hell was going on. I think my mind was trying to make the best out of a horrible situation, and it wasn’t working in my interest.<br/>“Are you going to take me back?”<br/>My words didn’t even register as a spoken voice, I was surprised he heard it, and also a little grateful. I don’t know if I could have asked again.</p><p>The sort of smile he had completely dropped. <br/>“What, you don’t like it here?” He asked in a low voice.<br/>I could feel myself becoming anxious but I couldn’t stand his tone, “No, I don’t.”<br/>He continued to glare down at me and I turned the other way. <br/>“Yeah, well... I don’t like it here either..” He scoffed. “I don’t know why those assholes brought you here.”<br/>So you could kill me, I thought.<br/>“Who are they?” I asked hesitantly. <br/>He paused for a moment before scoffing with a weak smile, “You heard us talking, didn’t you?”<br/>I chose not to answer, worried bringing up that conversation would anger him again. Thunder rumbled and I tried to focus on the sound of raindrops falling outside. It was getting worse by the minute; I could see the wind starting to pick up in the trees and hear as the house strained to withstand it.  <br/>How deep in the woods were we? I had never explored much past the lake, and nobody’s talked about an abandoned cabin before. Ben talked about one he was keeping clean for someone, but this was way past needing just a cleaning. It needed a whole reconstruction.</p><p>A creaking sound made me look back to Jeff. He had moved in his chair, staring at me intently. I followed his eyes and realized my arm wasn’t covered. Immediately I pulled my knees up and hid them behind my thighs.<br/>This forced me to see it now. The red lines of bloody scabs and silver scars beneath them. Out of habit I put a thumb over them and pressed down on the ones I could reach; it sent a withering sting of pain as I turned my arm over and turned back outside the door. </p><p><em>How embarrassing</em>, I thought to myself. <br/>If I knew I was going to be kidnapped tonight maybe I would have worn a sweater and some shorts to bed.</p><p>Jeff stood up from his chair with a scowl. He ran a hand over his face, letting out a deep breath. His back was turned to me, silent. <br/>Silence never held anything good, not from people like him.<br/>I braced for the worse.</p><p>He slowly stepped in front of me, the sound of his heavy boots hitting the old wood floor. I curled up as he just stood there; I didn’t want to look up at him. <br/>He grabbed the chain of my handcuffs and raised them close to his chest level. I winced, being forced to move with them. Having my arms exposed to anyone, let alone this creep, made me extremely uncomfortable. It gave me this suffocating feeling being under someone's eyes like that.This definitely wasn’t any different.<br/>I wanted to pull away but I saw what he was doing. In his hand was a small key he was struggling to get in the lock. I pushed down my pride, or maybe it was shame, and steadied myself.<br/>“Don’t make me regret this,” He muttered, snatching the cuffs off me and putting them in his jeans pocket.</p><p>If I knew the exact location of the car keys I would have taken out my knife and stabbed him, making my escape. I should have taken note the day I got in his car.<br/>“Here,” Something draped over my shoulder making me jump; it fell onto the couch cushion next to me. “There’s some rain boots on the porch.”<br/>Jeff had thrown me the oversized jacket he was wearing, leaving only his tattered long sleeve. It smelled like cigarettes and was three times bigger than me. <br/>“Come on,” He said, digging into his back pocket and walking towards the door.<br/>It was only when I saw the keys jingling in his hands I realized what was happening.</p><p>He walked on and out into the rain without me, his shirt getting completely soaked. I looked to the side of the door and saw there were in fact some boots sitting out there. They were caked in dried mud but looked like they were relatively new. Hesitantly I put my bare feet inside. It was either this or walking barefoot out into the muddy road. <br/>“Hurry up!” Jeff yelled back as he started to unlock the door.<br/>I narrowed my eyes at him as I tucked my pajama pants into the boots. Putting the hood up and zipping up the jacket I hurry to follow behind him. </p><p>Nothing about this seemed any sort of right. Taking a drive with this killer before didn’t lead to anything good, I had to assume the same now. </p><p>I sat in the back, the same seat as before. As he started the car we both jumped as the radio blasted music through the small space, the bass booming through my body making my ears rattle. <br/>“Fuck!” He slammed his hand on the radio, turning the music all the way down.<br/>It was silent, Jeff was breathing heavily and I couldn’t help but stare. He pushed his clenched fists to his eyes hard letting out a frustrated yell. He banged a fist against the steering wheel and slammed on the gas. I was pushed back into my seat as we sped down the bumpy road. My heart clenched as I looked over to him. The sound of the motor roaring filled my ears and Jeff was completely silent, staring intently to the road ahead of us as the car grew in speed.</p><p>“Slow down,” I tried telling him.<br/>He didn’t respond, not even flinching as the car practically flew as it hopped over bumps. Branches slid noisily across the car as the trees sped by. I continued to call out to him.<br/>“We’re gonna crash- slow down!” <br/>It was useless. Looking ahead I saw the road come into view, and I prayed there was no one driving.</p><p>This man must have a death wish or something! We’d crash driving that crazy in weather like this!<br/>The car zoomed onto the road. Jeff turned the wheel and we screeched to a stop just before the car could go tumbling down the trench on the other side of the road.</p><p>I was gripping onto the seatbelt with wide eyes. Jeff burst into laughter banging his hand on the steering wheel more joyous this time.<br/>I turned to him with a look of pure confusion and, if I’m being honest, fear.</p><p>His laughter was just as loud as the music or the roaring engine, I couldn’t take it.<br/>With shaking hands I turned to open the car door, ready to jump out and run, but I was caught by the hood of Jeff's jacket and pulled back before I could even get to the handle. With some force, he dragged me to the front seat.<br/>“Where do ya’ think you’re going?” He chuckled evilly.<br/>I nearly fell under the glove compartment as he dropped me in the front seat.<br/>“I’m givin’ you a ride in this horrible weather,” He shook his head. “Kids these days- You should be grateful!”</p><p>I worriedly look out the window into the rain. The road ahead was unfamiliar; was I even in town anymore? A fog was rolling in too which only made things ten times worse.<br/>“Where are we going?” I finally ask.</p><p>His smile dropped for a second, but he was quick to hide it, “Don’t worry about it.”<br/>Then he started driving again, at normal speed, thankfully, but I still was on edge. How could I not be? </p><p>Those two men told him to kill me, and I’m sure at this point he had no reason to keep me alive.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. A Quick Stop for Snacks</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Our drive down the road was silent after that. The radio wasn’t on so all there was to listen to was the windshield wipers sliding across the glass as rain pelted down. Not many people were out driving in this weather which only made me feel more hopeless. Every time we passed an open field I told myself I’d jump out and make a run for it, but I could never work up the nerve.</p><p>Jeff’s eyes didn’t leave the road. I’m guessing he was set on what was going to happen next. <br/>He was going to kill me. Something about his posture told me that. The way his hands tightened around the steering wheel every once and a while, his shoulders tense, the twitch of a frown on his cracked lips; everything about him now was uncomfortable and tight. It was unnerving compared to his laid back attitude inside. <br/>I probably deserve death at this point. I should have told the sheriff about him from the beginning. I should have given the needle to her and told her they planned on taking the woman; pointed him out at the diner- I should have done something!</p><p>I deserved what’s going to happen to me. I just hope it’ll be quick and painless. </p><p>My hands clenched into tight fists; I couldn’t help but think about what was happening to that woman. Those two men had her, at least that’s what it sounded like from the conversation they had. Of course Jeff didn’t seem to care, but he had to have some sort of idea of what they were going to do.</p><p>So I asked, “What’s going to happen to that woman?”<br/>He finally glanced at me, his expression unreadable, “What’s it to you?”<br/>“I want to know.” My jaw clenched as I tried to hold back my anger. “I thought they were going to kill her in the hospital and be done with it, that’s what you said.”<br/>“I never said that,” He started turning back to the road, hardly concerned. “I told you they were gonna finish what your friend interrupted.”<br/>“What are they going to do to her?” I asked again.<br/>“It’s none of your business kid-”<br/>“Yes it is!” He shot a glare at me making my confidence drop all at once. My voice becomes hush but that didn’t make a difference in the silence. “I need to know what I caused.”</p><p>I’m sure I’ll hear all of it from the news. Telling the disappearance of her under strange circumstances- They would have seen them take her though, with surveillance and everything, right?</p><p>The Sheriff came to mind again. I'm sure she was furious. She was so relieved the woman was still alive- that she was fighting- and now?... After seeing her so angry the night of the attack, I could only imagine.</p><p>I turned back to Jeff to see him still staring; a hard glare etched into his face. The look made my stomach twist. I held my hands tight and turned to the window. My heart was pounding against my chest in a way I didn’t know how to hide. <br/>Jeff scoffed and turned back to the road.</p><p>After a while we pulled into a lonely convenience store; one that I actually recognized. It was just on the outskirts of town. We had stopped there for gas on our drive out here a year ago.</p><p>He parked and turned off the engine. It was still raining just as bad as before, from the look of it seemed like it’ll go on all day. I couldn’t tell what time it was; if the car clock was right it was sometime early in the afternoon. He stared into the store for a minute and then dug into his jeans pocket.<br/>“Go in and get something warm to eat,” He pulled out a twenty and handed it to me. “However much you can get with this.”<br/>I looked at the money, and then the road.<br/>“Don’t try anything stupid ‘cause this time-” He reached over to the glove compartment and opened it. I pushed myself as far from him as I could. He dug through the trash and papers and pulled out a box of bullets- “this time the gun’ll be loaded.” <br/>I watched as he pulled out the gun, a revolver this time, and loaded the bullets into the barrel.<br/>Six.<br/>He looked at me, “Go on. I’m hungry.”<br/>Six bullets.</p><p>I pocketed the money, my eyes not leaving the gun as I pulled up the jacket hood and I walked out. At this point the rain was seeping past the thin jacket. <br/>Inside was the store clerk, a girl probably a couple of years older than me who was reading a magazine behind the counter. She gave me a smile and welcomed me before turning back to her magazine. The only other people here were an old couple; they looked like they’d be ready to check out soon though. </p><p>Picking up a basket I walked into the aisles and went to the rotisserie section. Hotdogs and enchiladas spun as they were being kept warm. My stomach rumbled at the smell of everything. <br/>I plucked a couple into a bag and continued to wander the store for something to drink. Water. I brought out a bottle and took a drink. It calmed my nerves.<br/>I felt a sense of Deja Vu. <br/>Kris told me once that it was good luck, it meant I was going on the right path, but this didn’t seem right at all. The flickering fluorescent light made me jump, the clunks from the soda machine seemed ten times louder and the air in here seemed thicker; harder to breathe in without stuttering.</p><p>Putting two bottles in the basket I let my hand rest in the jacket pocket; a habit to hide my hands when I dug my nails into my fingertips. To my surprise it hit something. I pulled the object out and saw it was a pen. <br/>Jeff was watching me from the car. Lingering in front of the snacks I tried to think quick before he became suspicious. </p><p>If I bought the items and went back in the car with him I might not get another chance to escape.<br/>I glanced at the cashier. If I tried asking for help, he’d kill her and then kill me. A part of me didn’t want to involve anyone, but I did that before, and look where that got me.. </p><p>To buy some time I walked to the small warmer and picked out two single slice pizzas. </p><p>I had to make a decision.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>So, this was posted on another site and a few of the readers there got to decide what the reader would do next and I'll just say... I would not have made it past the first encounter- adfjakldhfjc</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. The Fall</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Looking around the counter I spotted the napkin dispenser. Snagging one I quickly slipped out the pen and hid behind the taller aisles. I had to be quick, this is probably drawing a lot of his suspicion now since I’ve already been in this part of the store. </p><p>The black impala.<br/>Please help he’s going to kill me.</p><p>He was.<br/>This was my last hope but I didn’t want her or anyone else to get hurt. I’ve hurt enough people already, put enough people in danger. </p><p>I walked silently up to the counter and the girl gave me a bright smile.<br/>“Will that be everything?” She asked in a cheerful voice.<br/>I nodded, setting my basket on the counter. Taking in a deep breath I took the bottles out for her to scan, letting her tally up the cost for the rest and bag them.</p><p>My hands were shaking at my side; I had to hide them in the jacket pocket to make sure she didn’t notice. I just hoped she wouldn’t-<br/>“Are you visiting Greymill or passing through?”<br/>-try to start a conversation.<br/>“No uhm,” I cleared my throat and managed a smile. “I live in Greymill.”<br/>She chuckled, “Really? Well, hope you enjoyed your break from the place.”<br/>“Yeah.”<br/>She said the total and I fumbled to dig the money from my pocket. My hand hit the pocket knife making me freeze completely.</p><p>“You here alone or..?”<br/>I pulled the twenty out and handed it to her, “I’m riding back with a um- with a friend.” The word didn’t sit right in my mouth. I wanted to take it back.<br/>“Well you two be careful,” She said counting the change, “I’m sure you know but there’s some psychopath running around. Beat up a girl pretty bad.”<br/>“Really?”<br/>She nodded, handing me the change, “Been hearing it all over the radio.”<br/>My heart sank.<br/>“She went missing last night. I’m praying they find her before anything horrible happens.”</p><p>Hearing my suspicions were confirmed was like a bullet through the chest. I could feel it starting to burn with hate and rage.<br/>She handed me my bags and I thanked her with a frown.<br/>She looked at me concerned, “I’m sorry if I spooked you. I haven’t had anyone to vent to this about.”<br/>She let out a small laugh that I tried to match, “It’s alright.”</p><p>A horn blared outside making me jump.<br/>“I guess I kept you too long,” She gave me another smile.<br/>Without making a big scene of it I took out the napkin and slid it to her on the counter, words up. I could see her trying to read it and I quickly left to face the choices I’ve made.</p><p>“What was that about?”<br/>“What?”<br/>He took the bag from me and motioned inside, “You were talking with her.”<br/>“She was just making conversation,” I saw she was looking out at us for a minute before turning back to the counter.<br/>He looked through everything I bought making a face at the water bottles. He threw over the one I had taken a drink from and, after taking a corndog, he tossed back the bag.<br/>I kept my eyes down to stop me from eyeing down the cashier. Jeff was taking too long and I didn’t want her to try anything that would give him a clue to what I did.</p><p>He turned the key and started up the car again. Backing out of the parking lot I watched as the store grew smaller and smaller into the distance. </p><p>I stared at my water bottle in thought, watching as the condensation on the sides grew into fat drops of water and slid down the plastic. </p><p>Jeff hit the bag making me jump, “Eat something.”<br/>I narrowed my eyes at him, and then the bag, “I’m not hungry.”<br/>“Yes you are,” In the silence I didn’t doubt he heard my stomach crying before… and now. “Eat something.”</p><p>I dig through the bag, reluctantly. If I was smart and not a panicking mess back there I would have picked out something decent for my last meal, but it was a convenient store so I guess I wasn’t going to get anything too good anyways.<br/>Jeff didn’t eat much after that corndog. He told me to give him a pizza but he didn’t even finish the slice. Same goes for me too; I was too nervous to have the appetite for it which left us with a lot of food that no one wanted to eat. Why even bother stopping at all then?</p><p>Taking a drink from my water I try to calm down again. I could feel the knife in my pocket slumped against my thigh and the seat. It seemed painfully obvious to me now. </p><p>“Where are you taking me?” </p><p>I know I asked before but I had to know now that I was committed to seeing this through. <br/>Staring out the window I didn’t get to see his face, “Back into town.”<br/>The answer was vague, and I’m sure he knew that I figured out what he was doing. Something in the silence told me he was preparing an answer if I had asked for specifics.</p><p>I ‘daydreamed’ the possible site of my murder. Maybe I’d be in the same area he had beat down that woman. I wondered if he’d shoot me or cut me slow and painful. Realizing these thoughts made me even more worried about myself. It was insane that I was just accepting he’d be the one to kill me, after everything I had said to that woman about taking him down myself.<br/>I still had my knife.<br/>That was the only hope I had now. It seemed like a long shot though. At this point when would he have his guard down? I looked over at him driving; even now if I tried there was a chance we’d crash and I’d die with him, or worse, he’d survive and I’d be the dead idiot.</p><p>‘Welcome to Greymill’ </p><p>We went down the same road he threatened me on. Where I should have bought more time for the police. The diner where I should have confessed to the sheriff. <br/>Kris and Ben. How are they going to take all this? <br/>I squeezed my eyes shut trying to block out the thoughts. The news. Screams, cries, the blood- <em>my</em> blood. I just wanted it to stop. Just the rain- just let me hear the rain! The wipers swiping across the windshield! Anything else- please.</p><p>I was gripping onto my arm so hard I felt the sting of my nails when I finally let go. Rubbing my thumb over the indents and scabbing cuts under the jacket sleeves, it seemed like the only thing keeping me grounded at this point- the only thing that could.<br/>This was real.<br/>The faint sting of sore wounds. Cuts I made. <br/>Me.<br/>I’m real, I’m here.</p><p>I repeated that in my head till it was all that was left.<br/>I’m here. I’m real.<br/>None of those thoughts were real, they weren’t happening. I have the power to avoid them, I do. </p><p>Before I knew it, the car stopped. The hum of the engine turned off and we both sat waiting for what was going to happen next.<br/>Please don’t.<br/>He pulled the gun out and stared.<br/>I don’t want this to be real.</p><p>“Come on.”</p><p>He got out of the car opening the door to the deafening sound of rain. <br/>Before he could come around to my side I went out. With my hand in my pocket, I grabbed the knife, shaking. I flicked out the blade as I closed the door. I opted to hide the knife in the sleeves of the jacket, it was so big they covered my hands normally anyways. <br/>Jeff was watching as I finally took a look around. We were at the lake. The path to the lake anyways. It was a dirt path into the forest. I remember coming Saturday evening. It was Tuesday and pouring out. I knew absolutely no one would be out here to see us, and so did Jeff.</p><p>I jumped hearing a slam.<br/>Jeff was closing the trunk of the car; I didn’t even notice him opening it. He came around to my side holding a bundle of rope. My throat tightened.<br/>He pointed the gun at me and motioned me towards the dirt path. When I didn’t move he shoved the muzzle of the gun into my shoulder yelling, “Go!”</p><p>I stumbled and eventually started my trudge through the mud. I was clutching onto the knife at this point, I was so afraid it’d slip out and there’d be no hope for me at all. The rain boots were starting to fill with water and my clothes were getting soaked in this rain. I kept a few paces in front of Jeff; I didn’t want him to see the indent of the knife in my sleeve if it really was showing.</p><p>As we approached the lake he started directing me to a well-known spot. The drop off. A common diving point and hang out spot on sunny days. As we climbed up I could see a few things left behind from past partiers.<br/>I slipped a couple of times and hesitated in some spots. If Jeff didn’t kill me, I'm sure I’d slip and fall on my head trying to climb this in the rain. Jeff tugged me when he started getting impatient. </p><p>Once we were at the top I could start to imagine what was going to happen. I tried to find a possible opening for me to attack. He had rope, he was going to tie me up. I winced at the thought. I could try and cut him when he tries to tie me up, but then what? Jump off, swim out, and make a run for it into the forest? He still had a gun, and could probably make it back down before I made it to shore. <br/>He was pulling a cinder block from the ground. <br/>Maybe I could knock the gun out of his hand? Shove him down the side of the cliff? Could I even manage that at this point? I’m shaking, the anxiety wasn’t helping.</p><p>“Let me see your hands.”</p><p>I adjusted my grip on the knife before turning to him. He was untying the rope, eyeing me. Horrible thoughts came into my head, stuff I really shouldn’t be thinking about right now. My options were starting to dwindle. Suddenly I wasn’t even sure I could unsheath the knife in time to actually cut him. My arms tremble as I lift them up for him. <br/>As he walks up I feel as if he has me all figured out. He stops and doesn’t move to bind my wrists together.<br/>My jaw clenches as I wait for him to snatch my knife, knock me out, shoot me-</p><p>“Let me see your arm.”</p><p>I jump at the order, looking to the one holding the knife, but it’s not that. He grabbed me by the sleeve, yanking me towards him. I was so shocked I reel my arm, ready to make a move, but I suddenly feel drops of water hitting my bare arm.<br/>I was frozen as I felt his grip on my wrist loosen. His shoulders slumping. He was staring dead at the red scabbing cuts. He kept the same mean look on his face; brows furrowed with a scowl.</p><p>My hand twitches under his gaze. <br/><em>What…?</em>  <br/>He was going to kill me, but... <br/><em>Stop looking at me…</em><br/>I was ready for something, a bullet, a knife to the throat, drowning in the water below…</p><p>Not this…</p><p>His free hand traced down my forearm, across the raised lines. I tried pulling away but he was quick to catch my wrist again. He pressed down on the cuts bringing that familiar sting.<br/>Then he shoved his thumb into the cuts- nail digging past the scab- and finally, my knife cut through the air and across his cheek. He let out a stifled groan, letting me go. I know he had his gun but I still wanted to jump off and into the lake below. I had to get away from him. </p><p>In my hesitation he grabbed my wrist again, and then my other. Blood dripped down from his cut, it seemed to be the only thing I could focus on- the red blood and his wide eyes full of hate. His grip was tightening, so much it felt like all the energy in my body was draining. <br/>Gritting my teeth I tried pulling myself away, shoving and pushing all my weight back and forth to maybe throw him off balance. I was screaming but the pouring rain seemed to eat up the sound. I could hear Jeff growling as he grew more and more frustrated with me. </p><p>Quickly he let go of my unarmed hand, he reached back and I knew exactly what he was getting. Frantic, I wrapped my free arm around his neck and let myself fall.</p><p>After all that pushing and shoving I didn’t realize how close to the drop off we were.</p><p>Feeling myself fall past where I thought I’d land took the air from my lungs. Jeff pushed off me and I saw the water coming towards me almost in slow motion. <br/>It hit me and water came rushing into my mouth and nose. All the noise stopped and I was in the dark. I opened my eyes and saw nothing but the murky water around me. </p><p>I wanted to stay there in the quiet, in the nothingness.</p><p>But I knew I had to come up for air eventually.</p><p> </p><p>As I tried to swim up I immediately felt the weight of my clothes pulling me down. Frantically I kicked off the boots, pulled the jacket off, and tore through the water to get air. <br/>I was gasping and coughing up water. Jeff had landed a couple of yards from me and he did not look like a happy camper. As soon as he saw me he started angrily paddling himself towards my way. <br/>I was still gripping onto the pocket knife.<br/>I swam backwards and pointed the blade at him, trying to be as threatening as I could while doggy paddling away from him.</p><p>He stopped, furrowing his brows. I could see the blood from his cut coming down his cheek in a vein-like pattern. <br/>“How long have you had that for?”<br/>I didn’t answer, keeping my steady pace towards shore.</p><p>Just as he was going to start swimming towards me we both heard the sudden <em>‘whoop, whoop’</em> of a police siren. It was distant but definitely close; they must have seen the car parked out there! I looked towards the path feeling a weight off my shoulders, but I wasn’t out of the water yet.<br/>Taking my moment of distraction Jeff managed to get to me quickly. Grabbing me by the shoulders he pushed all his weight on me so I was underwater again. I swung my knife through the water to defend myself but he wasn’t there. <br/>I surface from the water coughing and see he’s gunning it for shore; trying to make another escape I thought. The last time he did this I didn’t stall him long enough for the police to chase after him. </p><p>I couldn’t let that happen now. </p><p>I flipped my knife around so the blade was facing away from my side and started to swim to catch up to him. From this angle it didn’t seem like a good idea; he could easily kick me if he saw I was too close for comfort, but I didn’t see any other option. He’d definitely outrun me after what just happened.<br/>How was I going to stall him? <br/>Imagining cutting him again made me sick. How deep would the knife go? All the confidence I had before was slipping at the wrong time- he was getting away! </p><p>He was starting to hit the floor of the lake, so I jumped on him.<br/>Putting him in a headlock I pulled us back and under the water. He thrashed against my hold screaming bubbles through the water as I struggled to keep a good hold on him. </p><p>I could get him now. Raise the knife and plunge it into his chest again and again until he stopped squirming, until the water was completely red with his blood.</p><p>But I didn’t.</p><p>I stayed squeezing my arms around his neck. <br/>As he tried pulling my arms off him his hand hit my knife, blood flowing from the wound. I struggled to hold my breath, gritting my teeth as I kept my head away from his. Hissing, I could feel the sting of his nails dragging across the skin of my arms, across my previous rows of scabs. </p><p>When he found his footing again he lifted the both of us back to the surface, but it didn't last for long. We were close to dry land, close enough to where he could slam me into the ground and still have me underwater. His weight knocked the air out of me and I took in water. The knife slipped out of my hand and fell somewhere below the water with me. At some point he turned, his hands squeezing around my neck. I clawed at his arms pushing and hitting against his scarred face; my legs splashed water trying to find something to fight against.<br/>Looking up through the water all I was able to see was his dark silhouette above me. The burn of his hands around my throat. </p><p>This was going to be it, screaming into the water as a last-ditch effort to find some sympathy in him. As if there was any humanity left in him now. </p><p>Just as I thought I couldn’t hold on anymore, he let go.<br/>He pulled me up by the shirt collar and before I could cough out the water from my lungs something hit me, then again and everything blurs together. I didn’t feel the last hit but after that, I couldn’t keep my eyes open.</p><p>He shook me screaming something that I couldn’t understand, then suddenly he dropped me. Water hit my face and I made the effort to push myself onto land. I could hear his footsteps running off into the woods, more coming in after him and one pair coming my way.<br/>They called my name, a familiar voice.<br/>“I need you to open your eyes for me sweetie, come on- stay awake.”<br/>It was Sheriff Foley.</p><p>She pulled me further from the water and my senses finally returned. I coughed up the water and was finally breathing again.<br/>My eyes went across the clearing searching for him. <br/>“They’re going after him.”<br/>Bullets fired from the trees, echoes of officers commands for him to stop, freeze.<br/>“Do you know if he was armed?”<br/>I nodded, “He had a gun earlier but-.. We fell into the lake…”</p><p>The gun must have fallen into the water after that. <br/>Lucky for me.</p><p>I’m sure I would have been dead as soon as I surfaced from the lake.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. The Call</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It didn’t take long for a crowd to show up; even with the rain, they stood their ground holding their umbrellas and raincoats close with hushed voices. Peeking curiously from their windows and tiptoeing to get a better look at it all. Soon police tape was rolled out to keep them at bay. Nothing was said to the local journalists eager to get the first words on the story, but something had to be said on the matter <em>eventually</em>. </p><p>I laid in the back of an ambulance pressing an ice pack against my face. I didn’t want to look but from the pitiful expression the sheriff was giving me, I could tell he did a number on me. The paramedic worked to clean and bandage some of the deep scratches Jeff had left on my arms, along with the cuts he had opened. <br/>Though the paramedic didn’t seem fazed by it, the sheriff definitely took note of it. Luckily he was just about done, I did the best I could to cover them behind the thin blanket I was given.</p><p>I could have ended all of this right there. I could have killed him.<br/>But I just didn’t have it in me.<br/>I wasn’t strong enough, not brave enough.</p><p>I’m a coward.</p><p>I was given painkillers to help with my face by the medic; once he stepped out the sheriff came inside and took a seat; I made the effort to sit up.<br/>“How are you doing?”<br/>I didn’t answer.<br/>Outside they were searching through the impala. They popped the truck and I watched intently as they pulled out everything and bagged it. “They didn’t get him,” It was more of a statement than a question. If they found him he’d be in this ambulance not me, or he’d be handcuffed in the back of one of the police cars; I hoped he would be lifeless inside a body bag on the ground. </p><p>She let out a breath as she followed my gaze. They pulled out rolls of duct tape, shovels, an axe, various bottles of chemicals. My mind ran wild with what he’d been doing with those, what his friends had used them for. <br/>“Here,” She handed me a bottle of water, “I’m sorry you had to go through all that. I take full responsibility for this.” My hands gripped the bottle tight. “I shoulda had you on witness protection- I should’ve had a car watching your house.”<br/>No. It’s not like she knew I was in some twisted agreement with the killer. <br/>“I don’t know what I was thinking..”<br/>I couldn’t get the words out but I didn’t blame her for any of this. I dug myself into this hole; I’m the only one who could get myself out. </p><p>“Would you want to go over what happened now?” She asked. “We can always wait till you’re ready-”<br/>“No,” I shook my head. “I’ll tell you now.”</p><p>I tried to recall everything that happened; everything from when I was taken from my room to the moment we fell into the water. At this point the memories were all starting to blur together. My subconscious was putting it in the back of my head to never be thought of again, but I knew this would impact the rest of my time here in Greymill- or anywhere really. I am officially a walking target for one of the countries most wanted serial killers- my head spun at the thought.</p><p>“Can you tell me more about the two who were in the cabin?”<br/>I had described what I could see of the two from the window, which wasn’t much. <br/>“Did you hear any names come up in the conversation? Anything that could lead us to them?”<br/>We had both come to the conclusion that they did in fact have the girl. I described what I could remember of the car with no license plate; an old lemon, the color of dry dirt and it didn’t really stand out much to the other cars in town.</p><p>In town.</p><p>“I think they’re still here,” I whispered.<br/>She took in a breath looking to the scattered crowd.<br/>“One of the men told Jeff not to screw this up,” I paused thinking about what was going to happen now that Jeff did ‘screw this up’. “He said he’d be in town.”<br/>“You’re sure?”<br/>I nodded.</p><p>It seemed like I’d have more than Jeff to worry about now. What’s worse is that I didn’t know what these two looked like. With Jeff I could at least spot him across the street, these guys could be anyone. This was a small town, but it wasn’t that small of a town. I couldn’t name every person I see on the street- I didn’t even bother to meet anyone out of my small circle of acquaintances in the year I’ve been here.</p><p>From behind the police tape, a commotion started. We could clearly see Ben as he pushed through towards an officer manning the crowd, Drew slinking behind. </p><p>“This just turned into a much bigger deal (name),” The sheriff muttered looking over her notes. “Now that we know for a fact it’s one of the serial killers we’re dealing with… I have to make some calls.. You have to fill out an official statement on this and tell us everything.”<br/>I nodded. <br/>“I do mean everything, (name).”</p><p>It was obvious now that she knew what happened from the conversation I described between the three men. I was involved in the kidnapping of that poor girl. I was responsible. <br/>“If you tell me now, we can look into it before the feds get their hands in this.”<br/>Tears slipped out my eyes and I quickly wiped them away, “I’m sorry-”<br/>“No,” She put a hand on my shoulder with a stern look on her face. “Whatever he made you do, do <em>not</em> apologise for it. That’s on <em>him</em>, he didn’t give you a choice.” She spoke with so much confidence, a part of me wanted to believe her. <br/>Coming to my side she took my hand, holding it firm. “I know it’s easy to blame yourself… your mind is probably twisting this ten million ways to make you think you’re at fault, hm?” I stared at the floor in silence, still feeling the sting of the cuts on my arm more than ever. “You did all you could and that’s what matters. Alright? Leaving that note was smart; I know you’re a good kid.”</p><p>For the first time in these past couple of days, my mind went quiet. All I was thinking about was her words, and it was like a weight being lifted off my heart. I knew there was always going to be my doubts, even if they caught the monster I’d still be beating myself up over what I could have done.<br/>“Let's get you to the station. You can tell me everything there, fill out the paperwork, an’ we’ll see where you’ll be going.”<br/>“‘Where I’ll be going’?” I repeated.<br/>She nodded as she got out of the ambulance, “Your house might be too on the nose right now.”<br/>I thought for a moment, “I could probably stay with Kris. I don’t think his mom would mind.”<br/>She hummed still thinking about it.</p><p>Foley gave me her coat, holding an umbrella over the both of us, and we walked through the rain to where Ben and Drew were. They seemed relieved and it made me wonder when someone finally figured out I was missing. It was late in the day by now, just around the time the sun would be setting, so I couldn’t help but wonder who was watching the diner. </p><p>The Sheriff spoke with the officer and let them through. I could see the tired smile on Ben’s face, the relief of his shoulders slacking. Drew looked like a mess, he was in sweats completely drenched from the rain- both of them were. Before I could even say hi Ben wrapped his arms around me and hugged me tightly. He was shaking. Drew came around and joined in too.<br/>They didn’t say a word but their hold on me was tight, like I’d fall to pieces if they didn’t hold me together. It wasn’t too far from the truth. Kris has been the only one who ever really hugged me like this, he did it on a daily basis. To think these two, people who I’ve never really spoken with all that much, to see that they cared so much…<br/>I pressed my head against Ben's shoulder as I felt myself starting to sob. They came from so deep inside I thought I’d pass out. My loud cries were muffled in his shirt, I hoped that the rain was pelting down loud enough that no one in the crowd could hear. <br/>Ben only held onto me tighter, Drew rubbing my back as I struggled to quiet myself.</p><p>Thunder was rolling in, getting closer by the minute.<br/>I pressed my face into the ice pack trying to calm myself down on the drive to the station. Riding in the front seat of the sheriff's car again as Ben and Drew followed behind in the truck.</p><p>The radio played the local newscast, all that was being said was that there was an incident at the lake on maple lane. I imagined they would have to be tight-lipped about all of this. If word got out that there was a serial killer on the loose people would be patrolling the streets with their guns, stupid people. I’m sure they were getting a hint though.<br/>“Officers are telling townsfolks to lock your doors and do your best to stay inside after dark... Keep an eye out everybody… </p><p>It’s getting a lot more dangerous in Greymill.</p><p>Just like the night that girl was found, the station was bustling, but this time it had a much more tense feeling to it. Voices were hushed and people were pointing at papers rather than shouting across the station. Less frantic rushing to track down a vehicle and more ‘what are we going to do next?’. What is going to happen next? The sheriff spoke briefly to me about it but I couldn’t fathom the thought of federal agents coming to this nowhere town.</p><p>We all came in shaking the rain off at the door. In the waiting room we all seemed to jump hearing someone speaking so loud.<br/>“You’re okay!”<br/>I expected Tessa, or maybe even Sarah, but it was the girl from the convenience store. She seems to have been waiting. She came closer, then even closer, and just when I thought she’d take a step back she hugged me.</p><p>When she pulled away her hands still lingered on my shoulders. She looked me in the eyes and I could see her face creased with worry. Once she realized how close she was, and how freaked out I was, she lifted her hands off and stepped away.<br/>“Sorry, I’m a stranger.”<br/>Ben stood close at my side, “Who are you?”<br/>“This is Casey,” The sheriff stepped in between us, “she was the one who called in the vehicle; by the description of the kid she gave us, I recognized it as (name).”<br/>“Thank you,” I said trying to maintain eye contact, “really. I don’t know what would have happened if the police hadn’t come when they had.”<br/>I did though. I knew what would have happened. He would have killed me in that lake, continuing on his way like I was just a pothole in the road. Insignificant...</p><p>The sheriff walked ahead towards the back, “I’ll meet you all in my office, it’s just over there.”<br/>As we walked through I could hear Foley talking with Casey.<br/>“Where’s your dad at sweetie?”<br/>“He was one of the first officers on the scene wasn’t he?”</p><p>We all sat in the office at different ends of the room. Ben was at the door, Drew was sitting in one of the chairs by the window, and I sat at one of the two chairs in front of Foley’s desk. <br/>In the quiet of everything Drew spoke; we both saw it coming, he wasn’t the best in serious situations- or quiet ones.<br/>“So, what happened?”<br/>I looked over at him, sitting sideways in the chair.<br/>“Did he do anything to you?”<br/>“Jesus Christ Andrew,” Ben scolded.<br/>“What? It’s a reasonable question, I don’t want to trigger anything.”<br/>“He didn’t do anything- I mean the worst he did was… threaten me with a gun..”<br/>I could tell Ben was trying really hard to keep his cool. He always had trouble with that, at least when it came to ‘us kids’. If I said any more details I’m sure he’d go on a manhunt for the killer himself.</p><p>At this point, I was long past coming down from the adrenaline spike. I was tired. Finally sitting somewhere I felt safe and away from the prying eyes of strangers, I was able to put down my guard. <br/>“I could call Tessa if you’d like. Get you some dry clothes?”<br/>I shook my head, “She doesn’t drive anymore. Roy’s the only one with a car.”<br/>Hopefully Roy wouldn’t come to get me this time around. He’d drag me back to the house and act as if nothing happened. As much as I wanted to do the same, it would be too easy for them.<br/>They were able to come into my bedroom like nothing.<br/>Deliberately left that paper on my bed to distract me- they knew what they were doing.</p><p>“What’s that?”<br/>Ben was pointing to my wrists. The red marks were more visible now, I could see some of my skin still hanging off. <br/>I expected Drew to chime in here and try to steer Ben away from this definite anger inducing piece of knowledge, but he seemed just as curious as him. It seemed morbid to me. Obviously these weren’t from anything good, why did you need the specifics?<br/>I hid my hands behind the back of the chair, “They put me in handcuffs.” I stared at the marks and held my wrists close to my chest, “Dragged me by them when I tried making a run for it... Is that what you wanted to hear?”</p><p>I could remember the burn on my palms as I tried holding onto the window sill. The impact of his boots on slamming down onto my back. </p><p>“I’m sorry,” Ben said.<br/>Neither of them could look me in the eyes, it was probably better that way; their faces screamed pity. </p><p>“Sorry for the wait everyone.”<br/>Sheriff Foley came in, closing the door behind her before taking a seat at her desk. She was holding a folder with her along with some familiar photos. After setting everything down and getting settled she turned to me. </p><p>“Are you comfortable talking about this in front of them?”<br/>As much as I wanted to keep this all to myself and deal with it on my own, that wasn’t an option anymore. I nodded and she continued.<br/>“First thing’s first, I’m gonna need to know the details in your involvement in the kidnapping of Jaclyn Dane.”<br/>“Involvement?” Ben repeated. “What did they have to do with that?”<br/>She stared at Ben until it eventually clicked in his head. <br/>“Jeff had me put a needle in her room. The drawer on the right. I don’t know what they did with it, all he said was that it was for his friend.”<br/>“And that’s all you know?”<br/>I nodded, “He didn’t give me any other information. Picked me off the street telling me if I didn’t listen to him he’d go after the people I knew.”<br/>“What were you doing that day?”<br/>“I skipped school with Kris, I was planning on going to the station to tell you everything but.. He caught me and drove me to the hospital. Said it would seem normal if I went in there.”</p><p>I could hear Ben pacing behind me before Drew finally told him to take a seat. <br/>“You’re very brave.” <br/>I didn’t believe that.</p><p>“I know you’ve been through a lot and you definitely want to just forget about it, but we need you to file an official report on everything that happened between you and Jeff.” Opening the folder she pulled a sheet out along with a pen and set it on my side of the desk. <br/>I pulled my chair closer and took a look at it. Most of the technicals were filled out in print. “You can fill out your information later, it’d be better to get all you know out before you forget anything.”<br/>I nodded and clicked the pen, “How much should I write?”<br/>“Everything you can would be best. From the beginning. The more specific you are on paper the fewer questions you’ll have to answer from the feds.”</p><p>From the beginning.<br/>When I was too much of a coward to stall. When I let him get away.</p><p>Thinking that he was still out there made me shaky to the point where I could barely hold my pen steady. When it came to the drop off I left out what he did to my arm, writing that I tried attacking him and when he got a hold of me I threw the both of us off the cliff. <br/>The moment just didn’t sit right in my head.<br/>It felt so out of place and wrong to talk about, especially with federal agents.</p><p>“I know you’ve seen them before but I think you should keep a copy.”<br/>She handed me the stack of blurry photographs and police sketches, slowly I started looking through them.<br/>“You didn’t get a good look then but if anything happens, and you do see one of them, it’s best that you know who you’re dealing with.”<br/>I stopped at the police sketch of Jeff and placed it in front of her, “That’s him.”<br/>She took a moment to look over the picture then motioned Ben and Drew to come over to see for themselves.<br/>“His hair is longer and the face is kind of off but the burn scars are right.”<br/>“I’ve seen him before,” Ben seemed livid. “He came into my diner..”<br/>I stood up and took the picture from the sheriff's hand to put on the desk. With the pen, I marked the cut I had made along his cheek and let them see, “I managed to cut him when we were on the drop off.”</p><p>After Ben took a picture of the sketch we continued talking. <br/>Foley said it’d be safer if I stayed with Ben until further notice; explained it would be better to keep this tight knitted, specifics wouldn’t be released until feds came and that's if they even wanted any information to be released. With the town so riled up now it’s probably best we wait a few days anyway. When it came to going to the house to get clothes and things Ben was quick to offer a ride there, but we all knew better and the sheriff said she’d be fine with taking me there and to Bens.</p><p>So I was back in the car with my thoughts again.</p><p>“Am I going to prison?”<br/>She didn’t answer with surprise or shock, or even with any humor behind her words, “Why do you think that?”<br/>Being involved with one of the countries most wanted and not reporting it seemed like a reasonable thing to imprison me for.<br/>“I doubt much of the blame will be put on you.”<br/>‘Much’. That meant some of the blame will be on me. <br/>“You can’t do anything about that now, not until they come down here, it’s best not to worry about it till then.”</p><p>We pulled into the driveway of the house, the lights were on inside and it made me wonder who was there. Who was awake. Roy could be sleeping on the couch again, or maybe Tess is on another all nighter cleaning the house again.<br/>“Do you want me to come with you?”<br/>I shook my head and took off my seat belt, “It’s fine.”</p><p>The rain had stopped for the moment but I could still feel the trickles of another wave coming soon. I heard the storms here were bad this time of the year but this was ridiculous. I hope things will clear up again, at least for the rest of the week. I don’t think this weather is good for my mind right now.<br/>I pushed open the door and heard the TV on along with snoring. I quickly scurry inside and head straight for my room. The door was still closed, along with my window, almost as if nothing had happened. After taking a quick look around the room I saw no one was inside, but something was left behind.</p><p>The note.</p><p>It was resting on the floor beside my bed, my address. How they were able to find where I lived, I wasn’t sure. They could have been following me for all I know. Jeff or whoever those two men were. I folded up the paper and put it in my pocket thinking maybe the sheriff would get something from this. <br/>Pulling out the old duffle bag from my closet I started putting clothes inside. I wasn’t sure how long I’d be there for, I wasn’t even sure if I’d ever feel safe in my room again, so I packed as much as the bag would hold. </p><p>As I went to the bathroom to get my toothbrush I stopped. My thoughts went to the small box I kept hidden under the sink behind everything. I felt guilty for wanting to take it with me; if Ben or Drew found it or saw me…<br/>Despite that, I took a small razor blade with me, letting it fall into one of the smaller compartments of the duffle bag. A part of me convinced the other that I needed it. Even if I wasn’t going to cut I needed it there with me. </p><p>Putting back the box I leave the bathroom and head to the door.</p><p>“(name).”<br/>Shit.<br/>I turned around to see Roy was now awake, sitting on the couch, the blue light of the screen silhouetting his figure. He wasn’t looking at me. <br/>“Get me a beer.”</p><p>Quietly I set down the bag by the door and go into the kitchen. I pull a beer from the fridge and return to him with it. Standing behind the couch holding it out for him muttering a quiet ‘here’.<br/>It took him a second but he eventually took it. <br/>Because I didn’t want to worry Tessa and I had the sheriff waiting for me outside, I thought now would be a good time to tell him where I’ll be staying… or maybe just that I'd be gone.</p><p>“I’m gonna be staying somewhere else for a bit.”<br/>He still didn’t turn, “Why?”<br/>I’m sure he knew by now, whether it was on the radio on his way home or it popped up on TV before he passed out. “The sheriff thinks it’ll be safer.”<br/>He was quiet, the quiet that was more unsettling than his yelling. The anticipation of his temper boiling over always had me on edge when he was like this. I just hoped he wouldn’t ask where and just assume it’d be with Kris or not care at all. <br/>“Alright,” He finally said. “Don’t cause any trouble for us.”<br/>I took a breath and returned to my bag. I’m sure he’d find out eventually that it was Ben I was staying with, but that’s another problem for a different day.<br/>“You’re phone’s on the table.”<br/>He actually got me one? It was still in the box, a flip phone, I wasn’t going to complain though. I stuffed it into the duffle bag and left.</p><p>I quickly went to the sheriff's car, tossing my bag in the trunk.<br/>I hoped things would get better from here. Now that federal agents were coming down to check things out maybe that would give those freaks a scare. </p><p>Ben lives in a cozy two-story two-bedroom house with an office on the first floor. It was my first time exploring the place since I’ve been here, I never even went to the second floor before today. It was like seeing another side of Ben, one that just confirmed all of my initial thoughts of him before. </p><p>He had pictures of him and friends all along the walls, kids drawings scattered among them as well. He seemed to hold onto a lot in his house, but I didn’t spot any photos of a younger Ben. From what I could tell, there were no family photos at all. I guess all of his family was here. The only remotely older photo I could find of him was with a baby and a woman. Ben had much longer hair. Drew caught me staring longer at that one and told me that the baby was him, and the woman was his mom- Ben’s sister- leaving it at that. <br/>I was given Drew's old room to sleep in, it was where he’d usually sleep while he visited. I said I’d be fine just sleeping on the couch but Ben insisted, even making the point that it’d be safer there since it was on the second floor. Drew was fine with it, and I’m sure if he wasn’t Ben would make him be fine with it. <br/>He was a pretty chill guy from what I’ve seen of him. Kris likes him so of course he couldn’t be all that bad. He also seemed like a huge nerd from what I saw in his room. He had posters of old movies and video games, action figures lining shelves, comic books he said I could read if I was into that. </p><p>Once they left me to unpack I started thinking again, seeing him. It was like an unnecessary loop my conscious was putting me in. I knew if I saw him again he’d be more than pissed. I’m sure his friends wouldn’t hesitate on killing me either. Looking out the window I saw a police car already parked out front. <br/>That was something at least. <br/>I grabbed a change of clothes and went to the bathroom for a shower. My mind was too loud, the steaming water did nothing to block it out. </p><p>Screams. All of my thoughts were screaming at me, each voice louder than the next trying to have their voice heard. It was replaying his voice, his yells and threats, on repeat.<br/>The cuts on my arms were a bright red, irritated. I had the urge to pick at them as they started to scab over but decided against it.</p><p>As I left the bathroom I overheard a conversation echoing from down the stairs.<br/>“You couldn’t have known Benny,” Drew whispered. His voice was barely audiable.<br/>“I should’ve-” Ben stopped himself, letting out a long sigh. “I should’ve known.”<br/>“You beat yourself up too much.” <br/>They were silent for a moment. I shifted my weight trying to decide if I should just go to the room and sleep, or go downstairs and… I don’t know, make conversation? What was I supposed to do? I didn’t want to upset Ben even more.<br/>“All that matters is that they're safe. They survived, and they’re here,” Drew's voice had a tone I’d never heard from him before. There was so much emotion behind his words it made me want to cry. </p><p>I took in a breath and closed the bathroom door behind me, intentionally loud, and went down the stairs. They were both inside the office, the glass doors wide open. <br/>They made an effort to smile seeing me.<br/>“Heya kiddo, you hungry?”<br/>I am.<br/>“No, I’m fine.”<br/>I walked in and saw they were looking over the folder of pictures I had left on the table, the picture of Jeff pulled up on Ben's phone.</p><p>“Do you wanna talk about anything?” Drew asked.<br/>I shrugged, “What’s there to talk about?”</p><p>Ben seemed to wince, fixating his gaze back at the phone; Drew kept the content look on him.<br/>“Whatever you want. It doesn’t have to be about what happened. Could talk about school,” He looked at Ben. “That crazy lady who comes to the diner every Wednesday morning with that weird doll?”<br/>Ben managed a smile, “Miss Price is a nice woman, and doesn’t deserve to be called crazy.”<br/>“She seems pretty weird to me, “ I snickered, “everyone in this town is at least a little strange.”<br/>“Does that include us?” Drew smirked.<br/>“Definitely.”</p><p>I took a seat in one of the free chairs. The room was a bit cluttered. Stacks of paper scattered the room along with some craft materials. It was smaller but held more to it than any other room. Something about it gave this feeling of warmth, protection.<br/>“What were you two doing?”<br/>“Getting familiar with these creeps,” Ben sighed.<br/>I nodded looking over them again too, starting to eliminate them. I described what the two I saw at the cabin looked like and put the four pictures of masked criminals in a line.<br/>“These could be one of them,” I said, “none of the others match what I saw, but I guess it’s safer if we know what all of them look like.. Just in case.”<br/>Drew nodded, “Smart.”</p><p>They weren’t hard to forget, but I’m sure I’ll be hesitant of anyone who comes near me wearing a mask.<br/>“Have you heard from Kris?”<br/>Ben nodded, “He called as soon as the news came out. Awful worried about you. He’s coming to visit tomorrow after school since it was already dark.”</p><p>I felt like I had to talk to them about what happened, or maybe I just wanted to vent. <br/>Ben could see I was struggling with something. I couldn’t fake a smile, I couldn’t laugh anything off, there was nothing to hide how I was feeling now.</p><p>“I’m going to bed,” I sniffle getting up from the chair. “Good night.”<br/>“Night,” Drew waved.</p><p>I could feel my chest getting heavy with every step I took. My eyes started to sting as tears threatened to escape. If I wasn’t so stupid- If I wasn’t such a coward, none of this would be happening. Ben wouldn’t be growing more white hairs over me. </p><p>Crawling into bed I let the tears silently fall down and onto the pillow. I wanted to scream, hit something- but that didn’t feel right.<br/>Instead, I curled into the smallest ball I could and put the covers over my head. At some point, my mind went silent and I was able to close my eyes and dream.</p><p>But the dream was just as bad.</p><p>A wave of blinding neon lights hit me, blinking and spinning- then suddenly it all went dark. A spotlight came down on a figure a few yards in front of me. <br/>Jeff.<br/>His back was turned to me and I found the pocket knife was in my hand. My grip on it so tight my hands were starting to shake. When my eyes went back up to him I saw two bodies on the ground next to him.</p><p>I wanted to scream. Their mutilated body laid limp on the ground as blood started to pull around them. My heart was pounding- this dread taking over my body making it hard to breathe.<br/>I tried screaming out to him but a pair of hands grabbed me, covering my mouth and eyes. Before I could tear them off another pair came and grabbed my wrists. The both of them worked to pull me back. Through the spaces between their fingers I could see Jeff turned to me now. He wasn’t smiling- only that all too familiar scowl of his. My words muffled as he walked out of the light.<br/>He was suddenly right in front of me. Hand grabbing the collar of my shirt, the other reaching behind him. The two pairs of hands receded, leaving me with him.</p><p>We were back on the cliff. Rain pelting down on my skin as I look up at him against the grey sky. I was gripping onto the arm that held onto me, pulling and tugging but he didn’t budge. I couldn’t stand that vacant look on his face, looking down at me as if I was nothing.<br/>Through the rain I could hear voices calling out to me, some familiar, others I couldn’t recognize. They were frantic, screaming things I couldn’t quite make out, and it was as if I was being tugged. My clothes being pulled in every direction away from him. Despite that, neither of us reacted. He kept that same look and I was starting to become out of breath, my body weak as if I could fall at any second. My heart was pounding against my ears as Jeff’s silhouette started to blend with the clouds behind him. The trees of the woods around us seemed to stretch to reach the rain. </p><p>Just as I thought I couldn’t take any more of this sensory overload, everything cleared- even the rain went quiet.<br/>Jeff pulled his hand back placing the barrel of his gun to my forehead, freezing compared to the summer rain, and pulled the trigger.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Click.</em>
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<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Useless</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I woke up in a cold sweat.</p><p>My hands were trembling as I recalled the dream. The look on his face, all the screaming that seemed so clear now; the voices followed me out into the real world and filled the empty space of the unfamiliar room. I felt my stomach churn and I ran out of the bedroom and into the bathroom.<br/>I coughed up what I could into the toilet, but it wasn’t much. Stomach acid burned my throat making me shiver against the bowl. I held back a sob as I saw his face- remembering the disgusting smell of beer and cigarettes on him.</p><p>I fell backward against the wall gritting my teeth.<br/>I wouldn’t let him have this. I wasn’t going to cry- this was exactly what he wanted. I wasn’t scared! I trembled, slamming a fist onto the wall to try and pull myself together.<br/>His sickening laughter seemed to echo the walls around me. My throat tightened as I tried with all my might to keep quiet.</p><p>Shut up- Just shut up already!</p><p>I started to feel my body being weighed down by some indescribable force- so heavy it made it hard to breathe. Each inhale stuttered, and my lungs refused to let go of anything it could hold onto. Trapped inside. Stagnant, building up and up until everything went black.</p><p> </p><p>It was quiet for what felt like hours but there was still that pressure. A looming presence that wouldn’t let go of me. Clutching onto my heart for dear life, shaking as if it was desperately trying to find any sliver of warmth left in me and take it for itself.</p><p>And then the toilet flushed.</p><p>My eyes opened, it was still dark out but now Drew was sitting in front of me. He was in his pajamas, brows creased with worry. I was still on the floor laying on my side, a bitter taste in my mouth.<br/>He waited to speak until I pulled myself up into a sitting position, resting back against the wall.<br/>“Rough night?”<br/>I wiped the dried tears off my cheeks.<br/>“What happened?”<br/>My lip quivered and I shook my head, “I.. I just felt sick.”<br/>“I can see that,” He took a look back at the toilet then to me, “but I know that’s not all you’re feeling.”</p><p><em>What do you know?</em> I wanted to say. <br/>I wanted to be bitter, spit awful things at him to make him go away, but I couldn’t muster up the energy to come up with anything.</p><p>“I don’t know what you went through, or even what you’re going through now, but I’m here to listen if you need to talk,” He put a hand on my knee. “We all are.”<br/>I bit my tongue nodding my head as I stared down at the tile. </p><p>Eventually he took back his hand and stood up, “It’s three in the morning. You should try and get some sleep before we go to the station.”<br/>I looked up at him.<br/>“The sheriff said feds will be here pretty early, and she needs to talk with us before that.”</p><p>I took in a clear breath and nodded. He grabbed his toothbrush and I listened as his footsteps trailed back down the stairs.<br/>It took a while but I built up the courage to stand again. In the mirror, I saw the darkened bruises sitting plump on my face and clear imprints of hands on my neck. It was almost as if I could hear the punches hitting me again. Over and over, each hit harder than the last. More intent being centered in them, intent on ending me right there. </p><p>I splashed water on my face clearing the sweat, washed the taste of bile out of my mouth, and went back to the room. Looking out the window I saw the car was still parked out there. It made me wonder who was sacrificing their night to watch the house. <br/>My mind wouldn’t let go of the smell. A bitter burn of smoke that etched itself into the back of my nose. It’s as if he was here right now. I could just see him standing at the darkest corner of the room, mocking a laugh or bearing that disgusting scowl on his face. </p><p>Was he going to go through with his threat? Those words he held over my head to keep me quiet. I grew more worried thinking about Kris, Sarah, and especially Ben and Drew now. </p><p>My eyes closed as I laid back down in bed but I didn’t go back to sleep. As tired as I am, I couldn’t find peace in my mind. All the chattering had stopped but now I was left feeling empty. It was just me, reflecting on everything I’ve said to myself and others. Nothing but the numbing silence to speak into…</p><p>Ben came into the room with a gentle knock, calling my name out softly. Of course I was still awake; as my eyes peeled open I saw the sunlight peeking in through the window. I turned to the door rubbing the gunk out of my eyes.<br/>“I’m gonna start breakfast,” He announced. “Come down when you’re ready, alright?”<br/>I nodded and he slid back out the room, closing the door quietly behind him. I let my body rest against the comforter letting out a breath in relief.</p><p>This was going to be a whole nother event, won’t it?</p><p>I got dressed in something comfortable before heading down, leaving confronting the scars he gave me for another day. I could hear the sizzling of breakfast being cooked in the kitchen and saw Drew at the computer in the office. He was scrolling as he sipped on a cup of coffee. I gave him a small wave when he noticed me watching.<br/>Out of habit I went in the kitchen to get plates to set out for everyone. Ben noticed me and laughed, “You don’t gotta do all that.”<br/>I paused for a moment before grabbing the third plate, “I don’t mind.”<br/>I could tell he was hesitant about letting me do this, as if what happened made me incapable of setting out some plates. <br/>“Alright then, better get four. Beth’s joining us today.”<br/>Drew came in and started another pot of coffee before grabbing the silverware and cups.</p><p>“Have you been up all night?”<br/>Drew chuckled, “What if I have been?”<br/>“Andrew, we need you focused today-”<br/>“I’m taking the night shift.. And I have coffee, I’ll be fine.”<br/>“What were you even doing on that box anyways?”<br/>I came over to Drew whispering, “Could I get some coffee too?”<br/>He opened his mouth as if to say something but just nodded, leading the way towards the dining room.</p><p>Foley joined us as we waited, Drew letting her inside, and she immediately came to my side giving me a pat on the shoulder before taking a seat next to me.<br/>“How are you holding up?”<br/>I looked to Drew before staring at my hands on the table, “I’m fine.”<br/>“You’re drinking coffee with Drew, I don’t think you’re telling me the whole truth.”<br/>I couldn’t help but smile as the both of us took a sip from our mugs, “I didn’t get much sleep last night…” <br/>“Nightmares?” She asked<br/>I could see Drew peeking over at me. She hit the nail right on its head with that. I nodded, not wanting to say anything further. Although I couldn’t see him, I had a feeling Ben was listening in from the kitchen; there seemed to be less clattering coming from his end.<br/>“I’ve had more than a few after dealing with criminals like… <em>him</em>,” She cleared her throat. <br/>Don’t say it.<br/>“I’m here when you feel ready to talk. About anything.”<br/>What good does talking do? Especially about some bullshit phantom pains- There are actual killers out there! Much bigger things to worry about..</p><p>Ben came in with breakfast and they all started filling their plates. I didn’t get much.<br/>“We investigated further into Jaclyn’s kidnapping, this time checking the footage around the time when (name) came into the hospital.”<br/>She explained to us that the footage around the time of the kidnapping was nothing but static, a ‘system error’ as the night watchmen called it. None of us believed that, especially me. The one who kidnapped me was clever, has a lot more sense than Jeff, of course they were going to have their asses covered when it came to security footage.</p><p>Pulling out her phone she opened the video and let us all take a look.<br/>It showed me as I walked in through the front doors, going up to the front desk and speaking with a nurse.<br/>“I don’t see anything,” Drew blurted. <br/>Both Ben and I agreed.<br/>She rewinded the video and told us to look at the man sitting in one of the chairs just outside the waiting room. I recognized the color of the hoodie immediately but waited till we all saw what Foley was talking about. </p><p>Keeping our eyes on the man we watched as he practically jumped from his seat seeing me at the counter. As the sheriff came up to speak with me he took out a phone and dialed someone while he walked out the front doors.<br/>“Not suspicious at all,” Drew commented.<br/>“Aren’t there other cameras in there? One where we could get a better look at his face?” Ben asked.<br/>“All of them only show his back, his hood covers any distinguishable features unfortunately.”<br/>“What about the door camera?” Drew asked.<br/>She shook her head, “Some kids knocked the thing out a month ago, hadn’t replaced it since.”<br/>“That’s him,” I said, taking the phone from her. “I know it’s him- That’s one of the men who took me.”</p><p>“How can you tell?” Drew asked with some humor behind his tone. “It’s all pixels, nothing much there.”<br/>“The hoodie,” The sheriff and I said in unison.<br/>I pointed it out when describing the two that were at the cabin, one wore a hoodie the exact same color as that one- even the same style- and the other wore a more cream-colored jacket.<br/>“It’s not much to go off of but it’s a start,” She didn’t sound as passionate about it, but she was right. I didn’t see much and who knows how many people in this town have the same fashion sense or hairdo as these two criminals.</p><p>From the video, she took note of his lanky form under the large hoodie, the slouch of his walk, and the paranoia as he looked around the room when he walked.<br/>She described him to be in his early twenties, white male, most likely an addict of some sort- that or just genuinely paranoid I think. That was all she could discern from the video, which again, wasn’t much. I’m sure there were more than a few young white men who did drugs here, and even more who passed through.<br/>“You really think he’s one of the men who took you?” Ben said.<br/>“I’m positive.”<br/>“The man was sitting there for almost four hours before you walked in, our best bet is him. He must have been involved in some way,” Foley explained.<br/>It was no question for me. Seeing him there, the same hoodie on the same day I was taken from my room, it was too much of a coincidence. I just hoped those federal agents saw the same.</p><p>“How are we dealing with those federal fucks?” Drew asked.<br/>“You're talkin’ like <em>we</em> did something wrong,” Ben said.<br/>I picked at what little food I put on my plate, not looking up from the table. <br/>“Nobody is in any trouble here,” Foley said over the both of them, “and we all need to start acting like that. Including you.”<br/>“What?” I glared seeing all of them turning to me now.<br/>“Wipe up all this self-loathing that’s going on here because it’s only going to make it easier for them.”<br/>“Beth,” Ben nudged her arm. “Cut them some slack.”<br/>“Sweetie I’m sorry, but these people are going to come here searching for anything to get these guys. You can’t mope around like this- not in front of them. If they think even for a moment you’re helping those-”<br/>“Okay! I get it!” My hands slam on the table, rattling the dishes. “I’ll suck it up, so just stop- stop talking like I'm actually helping those monsters!”</p><p>I could feel my eyes ache, my teeth clenching as I tried to stop this wave of anger- and sadness. They all seemed like they were going to shut their mouths for good after that, but my hands didn’t loosen. My heart was pounding like I was in trouble- I probably was. My face started to burn and I decided I couldn’t stick around after that outburst.<br/>“I’m waiting outside,” I put back all the food I didn’t eat, setting my plate in the sink before walking out. <br/>My heart still wouldn’t calm down. Pounding, slamming against my ribs so much it began to hurt. I sat on the porch steps with my hands covering my ears as I watched bugs cross the small indents in the concrete. </p><p>It was still cloudy. I could smell the wet forest, hear the last drops of rainwater coming down off the house. In the breeze I could smell something bitter. Someone smoking a cigarette not too far from here. It was something normal in this area, it being an older neighborhood. I should get just used to the smell by now..</p><p>I rode with Ben down to the station, following the sheriff’s car. He had the windows rolled down with the radio playing. There was still panic going through the town, people called into the news station voicing their concerns, reporting anyone suspicious- but it was mostly people being prejudice and stupid. Ben was quick to change it when they started reporting any new word they had gotten about last night. I wanted to tell him to go back to see if they mentioned my name, that way I could at least prepare myself for that, but I already knew the answer. <br/>Although it was still early it didn’t seem like many people were out today. I didn’t see as many kids walking to school, or families walking to start their daily errands in the town center.</p><p>We saw a black car, pristine and new, parked in the front. Meeting Foley at the door we saw her staring at the car as well.<br/>“Looks like they’re here already,” She let out a breath.<br/>I could feel my hands starting to shake. <br/>Ben put a hand on my shoulder, “It’s gonna be fine (name).”<br/>I nodded feeling his grip on me tighten before letting me go. Nothing could prepare me for this- never did I think I’d be a part of a federal case. The point of going to a small town like this was to avoid all the creeps and drama of the city… but that was pretty naive of me to think absolutely nothing happened in towns like Greymill.<br/>I was the last to go in, eyes still on the car until the glass pane closed between us. </p><p>They were sitting in Foley's office, whispering to each other before they heard the click of the door opening. They weren’t dressed like agents- well more so they didn’t look like men in black characters like I was expecting. They wore more of a business casual attire. It was still clear they weren’t from around here but it was also clear that they weren’t just tourists either.</p><p>The woman stood up first, “Hello, you must be Sheriff Foley?”<br/>“Yes. Beth is fine, we don’t have to be so formal.”<br/>She smiled, “I’ve heard much about you.”<br/>“Is that a good thing?”<br/>The male agent stayed seated while the woman spoke to us, he was staring at me in particular. When we locked eyes he smiled, laughing as he stood to join the woman.</p><p>He stuck his hands in his pockets with a slouched posture, “I’m sure this is new for the two of you. There’s no need to worry, we’re only here to help the situation. Catch the bastards before they can do any more damage.”<br/>Ben laughed, “Good. We’ll help in any way we can.”<br/>He smiled at that, giving us a small nod.</p><p>“Agent Moreno,” The woman introduced herself, shaking our hands.<br/>The other joined in, “I’m agent Weaver, Emory.”<br/>Their hands were cold. It gave me the thought that maybe they were just some government-engineered androids filling in, or maybe aliens… I think maybe I’m letting my imagination get the better of me.</p><p>“Ben, have you been briefed on what happened with (name)?” Weaver asked.<br/>He stammered a bit, “I think I know enough, yes.”<br/>Moreno went to a bag sitting by the chairs they were seated at and pulled out a file. She opened it and I got a glance at what was inside. It looked like official documents of mine, along with an old photo of me- before Roy and Tessa started fostering me. <br/>“Here’s a copy of (name)’s statement.”<br/>“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Foley chuckled.<br/>“Why?” Weaver questioned. “It’ll be better to have him informed than ignorant.”<br/>Moreno handed him the paper and he gave me a glance. At the moment he looked like a lost dog, sad and confused. I wasn’t sure what to say. To me it just gave him more reason to be worried, to get upset and angry at what he couldn’t control.<br/>“I’ll have Drew look over it later for me,” Ben folded the paper, putting it in his coat pocket.<br/>“Drew is..?”<br/>“Andrew, he’s Ben’s nephew. Good guy, he’s the only other person who knows about this.”<br/>“Good, if you trust these people I’m sure we don’t have anything to worry about,” Moreno finally looked at me. Actually looked at me, it wasn’t the distant eyes she’s been giving us so far. “How are you doing, (name)?” She let out a sad breath as she inspected the damage on me further, "I'm sorry, you must be hurting a lot today."</p><p>I shrugged a shoulder actually reflecting, “I’m tired.” I admitted. “I just want this to blow over already. Get this guy in jail, or whatever.”<br/>The two nodded, “You’re going to be our key to finding these men.”</p><p>“What’s the plan?”<br/>We were all seated around Foley’s desk looking at the two. I have to say this wasn’t what I was expecting at all. From what the sheriff said I thought they would be cold and rude towards us, taking our words and twisting them to find someone to pin this on, but they were really understanding. Going over what I said in my statement they listened as I went into more detail for the questions they had, and their questions weren’t worded harshly either. I could even see Ben starting to relax more. Foley didn’t loosen up but that seemed to be a part of the job.</p><p>“The plan now is to lay low,” Moreno told us, “act like it’s business as usual.”<br/>“That’s easier said than done,” Ben chuckled.<br/>“Obviously continue housing (name), keep an eye over them and still have a car watching the house for as long as you think is necessary, but we need to let them think they have the upper hand in this.”<br/>I think I see where this was going.<br/>“And then what?” Foley asked, crossing her arms.<br/>Weaver cleared his throat, “Well… once they think it’s clear they’ll get sloppy, just like what happened on the lake. They left their vehicle at the scene full of evidence.” <br/>“Evidence that leads to nothing,” Foley pointed out. “We only found a few hairs and fingerprints of Jeffrey Woods- that’s nothing new.”<br/>That was news to me. I didn’t know they had his full name; who he was.<br/>“He also almost got caught didn’t he?” Moreno asked. I narrowed my eyes at the both of them. “Lining up (name)’s statement with the police officers on the scene, he was too preoccupied with them at the lake’s shore. There were many times when your officers thought they got a shot on him, he was <em>that</em> close.”<br/>“Just cut to the point already,” Foley interrupted.</p><p>She let out a breath and looked to me with a soft expression before going back to Foley, “As we said before, (name) is the key to us catching these men- at least one in particular.”<br/>“No,” Foley laughed, obviously starting to get fed up with what they were insinuating. “No, I know you’re not telling me to willingly put one of my people in danger.”<br/>“It’s the best shot we have for catching him again,” Moreno explained. “A similar situation like this happened in Florida a few years ago, he’s following the same patterns, becoming-”<br/>Moreno stopped herself and closed her eyes. I felt like the odd one out here. Even though I was the subject of conversation, no one was talking to me directly. They didn’t even seem to acknowledge I was in the room with them.<br/>“What patterns?” I ask.<br/>When she didn’t respond I turned to Weaver.</p><p>Reluctantly, he continued for her, “Over the past decade or so we’ve been taking note of who he’s come in contact with. Though a lot of them end up dead before we can look into who they were, their family and friends say enough for us to get a good picture of his type.”<br/>His type? <br/>“More often than not they run into each other by chance. If he finds them interesting enough, or amusing, he’ll become.. Attached, in a way.”<br/>Moreno scoffed, “Like a goddamn leech.... From what you wrote in your statement it looks like he’s become attached to you.”<br/>Ben covered his mouth looking away from us. I could hear him muttering something along the lines of ‘sick fucking bastard’.<br/>I shook my head, “No, he wants to <em>kill</em> me. He would have if the police didn’t show when they did!”</p><p>“Our point exactly,” Moreno’s voice was getting tired, somber, and starting to fill with a sickening truth. “He’s done it before to nearly all of his obsessions, some survived and managed to escape to tell us why they thought he did it-... but it’s still unclear.”<br/>I gripped tightly onto my arm and started thinking back on it all.<br/><em>Obsessions</em>, that word stuck with me.</p><p>“Those who survived his attempts to get rid of them say he manipulated them into actually loving him, others say he tried dragging them down with him.”<br/>“And you still want (name) to get back in contact with this freak? What the hell kind of sense does that make?” Foley exclaimed. <br/>Ben was starting to get upset as well but it seemed like he didn’t want to speak on the matter. I could see his fists clenching and unclenching under the desk, his head turned.</p><p>“It’s not as if we’re asking them to walk out and invite him into their arms. We want to slowly lure him out, have (name) give us detailed reports of every interaction with him-”<br/>“And if one day he decides he’s bored and snaps on them, what then?” Her voice was getting louder. “They’re still a kid for Christ's sake! Facing the person who kidnapped them- abused and threatened their life- how do you think that’ll affect them?”<br/>Neither of them responded. Foley didn’t cool down, as much as they were hoping the silence would help, she wasn’t going to put me through that again.</p><p>I couldn’t think of what to put into the conversation. Learning that I was now considered ‘his type’ made me feel disgusted, it added a whole new layer to every interaction that happened between us. I didn’t want to see him or his friends ever again, but they had a point. <br/>“I don’t have a choice here Foley,” I mutter, not taking my eyes off the agents sitting in front of us. “Whether or not I choose to help them, those freaks are coming back to finish what they started. Whether it’s Jeff or those two men, <em>someone</em> is coming for me.”<br/>It was the truth Ben and Foley didn’t want to face, and one I knew from the beginning.</p><p>“This is fucking ridiculous,” Foley scoffed. “What help is this going to do?”<br/>“Catching a serial killer is a help to everyone,” Moreno said. “I know this is hard for you-”<br/>“You don’t know shit.”<br/>I didn’t want to look at any of them. The tension between them was all was starting to become thick, I was so worried someone would snap at one of the agents and yell. It was the last thing I’d want to see either of them do, especially if it was over me.</p><p>Weaver cleared his throat, “Maybe it’s better if we speak to (name) alone now.”<br/>Ben shoved his chair back as he stood up making me flinch; he stormed out of the room and left the station. It was hard to see him like this; I forgot how hard it was seeing him like this. Foley was hesitant about leaving me with them but still listened, she left following Ben out.</p><p>As Weaver went to close the blinds of the windows leading out of the rest of the station, Moreno moved her chair closer to mine.<br/>“Before we get into anything else I need to ask a few off-topic questions first, is that alright?”<br/>I nodded.<br/>“Have you had any gaps in memory lately?”<br/>“No,” I answered.<br/>“Any nose bleeds or severe coughing recently? Fever maybe?”<br/>“No, I threw up last night but I think that was just from stress..”<br/>She watched me carefully as she continued the questions. Some were about my time in the woods around town, others were if I was having any dreams in the past few weeks. As random as they were I just assumed it was some federal thing I couldn’t know about. She quickly moved on from it. Weaver came back moving his chair closer to me as well. </p><p>“You are legally obligated to know that this is the first time we’re trying anything like this with a civilian,” She said. “Things like this are always unpredictable, but we will take measures to make sure nothing preventable happens.”<br/>“Preventable like what?”<br/>“Wires are not an option, if you’re found with any listening device they’ll surely kill you on site. We aren’t going to make you go out of your way to get any information or make you press them for more information.”<br/>I don’t think I could if I had to.</p><p>“The only thing we are telling you to do is write down anything that happens between you and these men. Keep your notes hidden and don’t show or tell anyone but us.”<br/>“Not even the sheriff?”<br/>She stopped for a moment, turning to Weaver.<br/>He shook his head, “We need you to act normal, like we never even talked about this.”<br/>“Am I going to be like… an undercover cop?”<br/>“Yeah! Kind of,” He smiled, “you are our informant. Just act as you would normally in the situation, if you think you should tell the sheriff or even Ben, tell them. I’m sure you’ll know when to make that call, if it’s safe or not for all of you.”</p><p>“Where are you two going to be while all this is happening?”<br/>Moreno looked towards the door, “We’ll be here for at most a week or two. We are still investigating what happened here in Greymill, searching into everything we can just as we would any other case. It’s business as usual, we won’t contact you unless something comes up in the case involving you.”<br/>“And when you leave? What am I going to do then?”<br/>She pulled a card out, writing on the back, “I’m giving you our numbers, call either of us when you see Jeffery or any of them again. We’ll come back, no suits or fancy cars, stay low until we can make a move.”<br/>I took the card, turning it over in my hands, “You don’t think they’ll notice? This is a small town.”<br/>“Give us some credit,” Weaver chuckled.<br/>“It’ll all work out fine,” Moreno reassured me, “remember- act as if we never spoke about this.” </p><p>How the hell was I supposed to act as if this never happened? All of this was starting to be a lot more than I thought it’d be. The federal agents were supposed to help make all of this go away, now it seemed like they were counting on something happening. <br/>As Weaver motioned for the sheriff and Ben to come back in I looked to Moreno.<br/>“If this talk never happened, what did?”<br/>She chuckled, “That’s a good question. If anyone asks we just spoke about those off-topic questions and asked for further details into your official statement. And before that, we were looking into Jaclyn’s kidnapping… Also, if they have someone watching the building, Ben got upset when he left because we were pinning you as the criminal here.”<br/>I closed my eyes trying to process it all. It was a lot, so much it made me want to take notes on the whole event. I let the pointy edges of the card slide across my fingers before shoving it in my pocket. </p><p>When Ben and Foley came back in Moreno gave them the rundown of what was going to happen. That they also needed to act as if this talk never happened and continue on how they would before. </p><p>And so the plan was put in motion. The plan to sit back and let those killers come back into town, let them get close enough to catch them and not get killed in the process… What help those agents were so far.</p><p>“Are you okay with what’s going to happen now?” Ben asked me as we sat in the truck.<br/>I was looking out onto the streets, looking for anyone out of place. <br/>“I don’t know,” I said, feeling this wave of emotions hitting me all at once. <br/>What was I getting myself into? Talking with that murderer again? I wouldn’t be able to say one word to him without lashing out, breaking down in front of the man. Just the thought of interacting with him made me sick. <br/>“I’m scared Ben.”</p><p>I hunched over with my hands covering the pathetic tears coming down. I didn’t want to be like this. So weak that a single thought made me break down. It injected this raw fear in me that weighed me down, crippled me so deeply I couldn’t think, I couldn’t breathe. All my senses were drowning in this ink- sinking in so much I couldn’t tell the difference between it and my own skin.<br/>Through my gritted teeth I cried, sobbing so much I was shaking. <br/>“I don’t want to hurt anyone- I don’t want to see him again! Please-”<br/>Ben didn’t say anything. He pulled a hand from my face and held on tight. His fingers were a lot rougher than mine, twice my size they enveloped mine entirely. My cries only got louder as much as I tried to stop them. Covering my face, biting on the sleeve of my sweater, it only made me more frustrated with myself. I desperately clutched onto Ben's hand using it as some sort of anchor in this raging sea. No matter how hard I squeezed, how deep I dug my nails in, how much I shook, he didn’t let go. </p><p>I tried speaking through these hiccups of sobs and screams but the words all blended together. <br/>Why is he doing this? Why? Why? Why? I didn’t deserve it- I didn’t! I’m putting everyone in danger, I’m messing up everything- I’m a screw up! I’m a COWARD! Don’t look at me- let me go! Let me go! Please! I don’t want to be here anymore, I don’t want to be in this godforsaken town! Let me go! Let me die- I should have just fucking died! He should have killed me! I don’t want to be here! I can’t breathe! He should have killed me! I don’t deserve any of them! I can’t- I can’t do this! This one simple thing! I can’t! I can’t fucking breathe! Just kill me! kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me please kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me - </p><p> </p><p>He should have    	just killed 	<br/>                  me. </p><p> </p><p>But, </p><p> </p><p>  that’s a really 	  stupid 	thing to say. </p><p> </p><p>I’m gonna stop now.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Struggled a lot writing this one<br/>It's mostly the agent's dialogue that got me. They don't seem as much like federal agents??? If anyone has any suggestions on how to fix that up if it is wack I'd love to hear them. Kinda was going for the vibe of the x files duo, ya know?</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Surprise Visit</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I didn’t go back to school for the rest of the week, and then some. Kris brought me the school work I was missing out on but I couldn’t find any motivation to look through it. All I could think about was what the agents said; the ‘plan’ they had. What a joke. The more time I had to reflect on it the more holes I could poke through it. What kind of federal agents would do this to a sophomore in high school? <br/>Shitty ones, that’s for sure.</p><p>The sheriff has been visiting us almost every morning to tell us any new information the agents managed to dig up. <br/>“They’re definitely keeping something from us,” She said while sipping her coffee.<br/>“What makes you say that?” Drew asked.<br/>“Every scene we look over they pull each other aside and whisper. Taking notes I never see or hear about. Hiding files in their bags.”<br/>“They <em>are</em> federal agents Beth,” Ben chuckled. “I’m sure they have <em>a lot</em> to hide.”<br/>“But if it’s happening in my town, I deserve to know!”</p><p>I cut my food into tiny pieces, lazily pushing them around on my plate. I wasn’t sure what to do with myself now that I was living with Ben. My disgusting habit was constantly in the back of my mind, peeking its head out every opportunity it could. I wasn’t sure how long I could hold out. Sure they passed if I managed to distract myself, but it always came back twice as worse than before. If those thoughts caught up to me at the wrong time… I didn’t want to think about what that’d do to Ben and Drew. The disappointment in their eyes, the pity. It was already too much seeing them catch a glance at the scars.</p><p>“Have they found anything that involves me?” I asked.<br/>She shook her head, “Nothing new- unless they’re keeping that from me too.”<br/>“Really? Nothing at all? What the hell are they here for then?” Drew exclaimed.<br/>“They’re just here to hide all of it all,” I mutter.  “Covering it up.”<br/>The official statement they released to the local journalists was that it was some hitchhiker who attacked Jaclyn and me; I didn’t bother trying to remember the name they pulled out of their asses for that. It still doesn’t explain why Jaclyn was kidnapped or where she went. Although it eased some minds, there were still a few who didn’t believe the crap they were spouting. More holes, tearing and revealing whatever they were trying to hide. Federal agents wouldn’t come down for some crazy hitchhiker- and they sure as hell wouldn’t be so deep in the woods everyday trying to find more clues if they had the man in custody. The radio host who initially reported on the event, Jae I learned,  was trying to get people to see this, and he was doing a good job of it too. More and more people were reporting what they were seeing the federal agents doing, even digging into the sheriff who had no choice but to follow what the agents were saying. Although they seemed to all come up with conflicting or outlandish theories, Jae said that was better than believing the crap they were spouting. </p><p>My hope in them was starting to fade. </p><p>“Have you been getting any sleep these days?”<br/>I looked up realizing Foley was talking to me, “Oh uh, no, not really.”<br/>Drew gave me a worried look but kept quiet.<br/>“Are you still having nightmares?”</p><p>Of course I was, but it wasn’t the waking up screaming my lungs out kind of nightmares, it was just dread. They mostly consisted of me running; running through empty streets or the heavily wooded parts of town, but they all ended on the cliff with him. An awful memory on repeat. Each time he became more perverted or sinister, it was never consistent. Sometimes he’d jump on me and throw us both off into the lake, other times he'd just shoot me. There were even times when he wasn’t there at all, it was a hooded person I couldn’t see the face of, amalgamations of the blurry photos and police sketches the sheriff gave me.</p><p>I shrugged, “I just can’t sleep much. Too much going through my mind I guess.”<br/>“Maybe you should try to get out of the house, that could clear your head. When’s the last time you went out?”<br/>She knew the answer to that. Kris had come over multiple times trying to get me to come outside with him, but I just never felt up to it. As much as I appreciated the thought, I knew what was coming for me. </p><p>I just gave another shrug, taking a small bite of my food.<br/>“I know it’s scary, but you’re safe. You can’t let them spook you into submission.”<br/>She was lecturing me again. It was like this every day now; telling me how I should and shouldn’t react to all this. <br/>“I know,” I sighed, not really listening after that. </p><p>There haven’t been any leads with Jaclyn. Everyone’s baffled they managed to take her without being caught on any cameras, and not a single sighting. Foley thinks that means they must be familiar with the area, they could be locals or they’ve been scouting the area for a while now. That information only made me more paranoid.</p><p>Eventually I was excused from breakfast and I went up to the room. What Foley had said did stick, she had a way of doing that. <br/><em>Spook me into submission.</em><br/>It was more than a spooking they were doing, they were threatening my life. I think that’s a decent reason to hide from the world. </p><p>It’s not like I haven’t tried. Every day I look out the windows I just feel this dread deep in me that I haven’t been able to pull out. I can see them in every person who walks by, every shadow in the bushes at night. <br/>I have the police sketches and photos hanging on the walls; a notebook stuffed deep under the mattress ready for the day one of those fuckers comes back for me. </p><p>I wanted to leave. I really did. This room was starting to become suffocating, I’ve done everything I could possibly do here- even read through the comic books Drew had collected, messed with all the action figures, played all his video games at least once, there was nothing left to do. </p><p>A knock on the door pulled me out of my thoughts. <br/>I picked up my head from the window sill and saw Ben standing in the doorway, two boxes in hand. I manage some sort of smile before taking one final look at the window.<br/>“I found some things sitting in the attic,” He set the boxes onto my bed. “Maybe you can already tell, but I’m a bit of a hoarder... Drew said I should get rid of these things.” <br/>I walked to his side as he opened up one. <br/>I could see there were various toys at the top of the box, stuffed animals, lunch boxes, music boxes, and jewelry. It was packed to the brim.<br/>“Since you’re here I thought you could get first picking,” He chuckled.<br/>“Really?” I laugh picking up a stuffed sloth.<br/>“Yeah, that and I’m hoping you keep some of the things I’m too weak to let go of,” He pulled out a polaroid camera and cassette player from the box. I take them from him as he gives a guilty look, “If you want them, you can have them. If not… hide them for me?”<br/>We both laugh.<br/>“They both work fine. I have extra film and hundreds of tapes so,” He gives me a thumbs up. “Tell me when you’re done, I’ll take the rest around town for the kids.”<br/>I nod looking over the cassette player in my hands as he leaves my room, not closing the door behind him. He’s been doing that a lot lately. </p><p>Going through the boxes I don’t find anything that really catches my eyes. Most of it was kid things, too fancy for me jewelry, or just didn’t really fit with me. Going into the second box I see he did seem to sort them by importance. The second box held Gameboys, game systems, CDs, VHS tapes. Some nerdy things Drew already had in his room. I did manage to find new games. By that, I meant games Drew didn’t already have on his shelves.<br/>It seems like hoarding may run in the family.<br/>A few awful games based on cartoons or tv series, along with a couple of unmarked ones. The labels were withered off and marked with sharpie. I think Kris would definitely like a few of these. He had the systems for it, I know he’s been itching to play some of the old Legend of Zelda games so I left him those. <br/>Looking over them again I thought, for memories I guess, I’d take one of the music boxes and a leather bracelet with a turtle on it; along with the case of tapes for the player. </p><p>After kicking the boxes out the door I look back to the items Ben had handed me specifically. I could hear them downstairs talking, quietly, as usual. I didn’t bother trying to listen anymore. Seems like there was always whispering when I was around. No one wanted to talk but they all expected me to spill my heart out like nothing. This whole time has been a long stalemate between me and the rest of the world. I didn’t want to stir up any trouble but I couldn’t take another minute of being whispered about or pitied on.<br/>My body was telling me to move, run- <em>somewhere</em>- but I didn’t. I just picked up the boxes and went downstairs to bring them to Ben.<br/>Both of them were in the office, seemingly deep in conversation. I didn’t want to bother whatever was going on so I set the boxes on the coffee table in the living room. </p><p>Someone rang the doorbell. Although I wasn’t really feeling up to talking with another person, I went and looked through the peephole<br/>It’s.. Sarah? Along with her friends that were here that night, Kelly and James. I haven’t seen them in a long time, and honestly, I didn’t think they cared much for me. I know Sarah tried visiting the day we spoke with the agents, but I wasn’t talking much that day. I’ve heard her come by after that too but I never went down to see. I decided to open the door for them.<br/>The two seemed shocked to see me, but Sarah only smiled.<br/>“Hey kid, it’s nice seeing you again,” She laughed.<br/>Her voice was a lot more soothing than I remembered. Warm and flowed like honey, she always seemed so confident. I’m not sure why I’m only noticing that now.<br/>“Hello,” I say a little too awkwardly. “Are you here for Ben?”<br/>She laughed giving my shoulder a pat, “We’re here for you.”</p><p>I stand wearily at the door as they all file in; Kelly and James both said their hellos as they came through. Foley must have put them up to this, or maybe even Ben. I don’t need to talk to them- I don’t need to talk to anyone.. Plus, they don’t even know what really happened.<br/>Closing the door I saw Ben and Drew coming in as the group made themselves comfortable. I look directly at Ben although he seems just as confused as I was, still happy to see them though. It’s then I saw Drew. He was looking directly at me this entire time! A smug smile on his lips. </p><p>“Hey (name),” Sarah called to me as she looked through the various movies Ben had in stock, “what kinda movies are you into? If it’s horror then we’re saving that for later.”<br/>“Um. What’s going on here?” Ben asked in the kindest way possible.<br/>“We are celebrating,” Sarah said casually as she started up a random movie.<br/>“What exactly?”<br/>“Those federal cunts have left town.”<br/>They did? Foley didn’t tell us that… or maybe I just left before she could. I lock the door out of instinct and stand by the wall unsure of what to do.<br/>Kelly threw up her arms, “All cops are bastards!” <br/>Sarah and James repeated her doing the same motion.<br/>Ben chuckled, crossing his arms, “I’ll be sure to tell Foley that.”<br/>“Wait no- I didn’t mean her <em>specifically</em>!” </p><p>I sat watching for the most part. They all talked so easily, like they should, but for some reason I just felt… alone. She said they were all here for me but I didn’t feel right with all of them around me. I just wanted to go back to my room. Why are they really here?<br/>“Hey Benny, do you have any paint?” James asked.<br/>“You mean the finger paint I give kids to keep them distracted?”<br/>“That’s the one.”<br/>“Of course,” He chuckled. “Are we doing arts n crafts now?”<br/>“Yeah!” Kelly jumped in her seat. “Let’s paint!”<br/>Sarah laughed, “You paint every day, why are you so excited about this?”<br/>“This is different.. I get to use my hands and go ape shit.”<br/>Ben stood, going towards the kitchen, “Don’t go ape shit on my table please.”<br/>“No promises!”</p><p>After a beat Kelly turned to me, “Do you paint?”<br/>I shrugged, “Not recently.”<br/>“Finger painting is very therapeutic,” She smiled brightly. “You’ll love it!”<br/>I didn’t believe that but I still went along with it anyway.</p><p>We moved to the dining area and started setting up, Drew came along too sitting beside me. I think he was starting to notice this wasn’t really helping. As much as I like hearing them talk about the town, their days, and just random thoughts in general, it all felt wrong.<br/>Drew put a hand on my arm, “You don’t have to stay.” He whispered.<br/>I looked at him a bit off put.<br/>“I just wanted to give you the option. This can be pretty overwhelming,” He chuckled leaning back in his chair. “I know it’s a bit more than I’m used to.”</p><p>Over this week I’ve noticed that. He shied away from conversations with strangers, eyes always watching the door like he was waiting for the right moment to leave. Out of the three, I preferred him. He didn’t give me looks of pity or try and go out of his way just because of what happened. I guess now was the exception… but he seemed just as out of place here as me.</p><p>We all got paper from the stack and started dipping. Except for me, I didn’t really have any ideas. The blank page was intimidating, now more than ever. I looked over to see Drew starting to swirl blue into a crooked spiral. Kelly was painting what seemed like a lake, or ocean, some body of water. James looked on his phone for reference to some actor as he crudely started the rough silhouette. Sarah was- she was looking right at me.<br/>“Having trouble getting out ideas?” She asked cheerily.<br/>My cheeks burn and I look down at my paper, “Yeah.”<br/>“It doesn’t have to be a thing or person,” She said. “It could just be colors. A feeling.”<br/>“Abstract art can be the coolest thing,” Kelly commented.<br/>Drew laughed, “I think mine could be considered ‘abstract’.” He dipped into the red, creating some new pattern at the corners that he pulled into towards the center.<br/>“It can be anything, nobody is judging. Here, how about this,” She pulled a paper plate out and told me to pick a color. Looking at all of them it seemed like that was hard to decide as well, but I took in a breath and settled on red.<br/>She poured a bit on the plate and asked for my hand. Leading it over the paint I could feel her cold skin on me, her nails had random designs on every finger. She pushed my hand in and I smeared the paint around to cover the entirety of it.</p><p>A handprint. I guess that was a good start. Putting down the imprint Sarah gave me a napkin to clean off and went back to her painting. I saw there was a variety of things on her paper. Stick figures with fingerprints as the heads, flowers, dots of color everywhere. It was strange seeing her draw such cutesy things, I couldn’t help but smile at it.<br/>I went for the brighter neon-like colors. Tracing yellow across the edges of the handprint, then green, and blue, until I practically had a whole rainbow surrounding it. <br/>Once Drew got more comfortable he went on to a different page and started on something else; as did Sarah. Kelly and James seemed to be experienced artists, their work coming in nicely. </p><p>They laughed and talked all throughout this. Inside jokes, teasing, all pretty light hearted subjects. Drew even joined in, talking about some character in a cartoon they all watched. Playfully arguing about who had the best redemption arch. He seemed to come into the group naturally after that. <br/>And still there I was. Silent as a rock. I became increasingly more aware of that every minute that passed by, but I also noticed Sarah. Eventually when they started talking about the shows and older movies, she had quieted. She was still smiling, but she was just silently working on her painting now. That brought a bit of ease to me, even if it was temporary.</p><p>“Oh, I almost forgot! I had this weird dream last night,” Kelly said looking at James and Sarah eagerly.<br/>“If it was about that girl who sells flowers in town, I don’t want to know,” James snickered.<br/>“It wasn’t… and she doesn’t <em>only</em> sell flowers!”<br/>The two laughed at her.<br/>“No. This was super wacky, and lucid.. I was going through the forest, like normal, and I came across this clearing,” She explained. Sarah was watching her as she spoke now. “It was this really pretty field, I guess the whole thing turned into it- it was yellow with a beautiful clear blue sky. I was walking for what felt like hours before this tree just appeared in front of me.. It was big- an old tree that looked like it stretched out into the sky when I looked up at it,” She grabbed another paper, discarding her previous one as she started on this one. “I put my hand on the trunk and.. It was like I was the tree... You know?”</p><p>“No I don’t,” James laughed. “You and your nature boner. I don’t know why you want to go to the city so bad, you’re gonna miss this clean air.”<br/>She scoffed, “Every town close to nature is small, and almost every small town is set in their way. You saw how they were acting to those tourists the other day didn’t you?”<br/>“Caught the bitter end of it.”<br/>“Ugh, I don’t want to talk about that,” Sarah sighed.</p><p>I heard about what happened on the radio. Jae was reporting on towns behavior last week in the heat of everything, even taking the horrible calls when he said he was disgusted by the way they were acting. The people said they were only protecting themselves and their neighbors, but he said it was an excuse for pre-existing behavior on their part. He apparently lost a lot of viewers after that.<br/>“How did it end?” Drew asked. “Your dream I mean.”<br/>Kelly stopped painting, thinking, “I’m not sure. I was at the tree like that for a while. Just listening. I think it got really loud near the end of it, like when you’re in a crowd of people and it starts hurting your ears. I think things got grey for a while, but that could have just been me waking up.”</p><p>She asked if he had any weird dreams before and everyone pitched in, even Sarah got back into it. My eyes wandered as I finished my first painting. Drew was already on his third, he seemed to be having fun with. Sarah was working on a more serious looking one, although it had more pastel colors and cartoon-like characters. James was just finishing up his portrait which was a variety of messy bright colors, and Kelly. She was starting on her painting of a tree but I looked at the one she had discarded before. <br/>It was of the lake, cliff and all. Even if I didn’t want to think about it. Even if I desperately tried my best not to drag down the mood- everything always came back to that damn cliff. She couldn’t have known, it didn’t seem intentional at all, the painting wasn’t even facing me and it wasn’t grey and cloudy like that day. Her painting was bright, warm and inviting, but I think even on the most beautiful days I couldn’t look at it the same ever again.</p><p>Just stay here, I told myself. Stay in the moment and don’t think about that day. Don’t think about the nightmare you’ll have tonight or what you’re going to have to eventually face. <br/>Please. Please don’t ruin this. <br/>Begging didn’t do anything. If anything it made it worse. I pleaded constantly with myself, trying to get these horrible thoughts out of my head, but nothing worked. They were there and it seemed like they were there to stay. No matter how much I scraped and clawed at my heart, this dread and disturbing imagination was buried too far to reach. Seeping out into every waking moment of my life now. Infecting every good moment I had with myself or anyone around me.. Especially with the people around me.</p><p>I excused myself before I could get too emotional in front of them. Picking up my napkins I go to the kitchen to throw away the trash and wash the remaining paint off my hands. <br/>As the water ran hot over my hands I picked at the colors wedged into my nails. Picked and scratching as I desperately try to clean myself. The water ran so loud in my ears, like static. My mind wandered and wondered to the dark places. Thoughts of blood on my hands made my eyes ache. Hearing the screaming that followed me into dreams. Imagining hurting everyone in the dining room, everyone in this house.</p><p>I didn’t realize the water was boiling over my skin until someone stepped into the kitchen with me. I quickly shut off the water and grabbed a rag to dry my stinging hands. <br/>Sarah came in, going to the fridge without giving me another look. There was still paint on her hands. I didn’t want to look. She grabbed a couple of water bottles from the fridge before passing by me again. <br/>“You alright?” She asked, giving me a glance.<br/>I nodded, but she only came to my side, offering me water. I took it, only to hide any seeping emotions. I expected her to go back to the table, leaving me behind, but she stayed. Opening her bottle and leaning on the counter as she drank.</p><p>I didn’t know where to go from here. My room was too quiet right now. If I was alone up there I’d probably do something I know I’ll regret. And if I took it too far? How would they react to seeing my dead body? Would the blood seep through the floor boards down into the kitchen? <br/>I wince at the thought, shutting my eyes and turning away from her.<br/>Nothing was stopping me from doing it now.<br/>I looked at the floor gripping my arm. Why was she still here? <br/>Cornering me-<br/>Stop. She was going to lecture me just like the rest of them. I don’t think I could take another one right now. It was probably best if I just went upstairs. </p><p>“I’m sorry.”<br/>I looked back to see Sarah was smiling, a tear coming down her cheek before she quickly wiped the evidence away.<br/>“For what?” I ask.<br/>She shrugged, “I don’t know what to say.”<br/>Was I really that transparent? She knew I was already feeling shitty. I bet you can see it written all over my face. I wasn’t very good at this.<br/>Despite the tear that slipped out she was speaking clearly. Her voice didn’t waver and if it did it was only to think. Her eyes searched the ground with so much concern I wondered if it was really just for me.<br/>“I’ve been where you are and I know it seems like nothing can make you feel better, right?”<br/>She hasn’t.<br/>“It seems like you can't trust anything. Your mind's twisting everything around you because of what happened... I used to hate myself so much because of it. I still do some days.”<br/>Stop talking.<br/>“I don’t think it ever goes away… these thoughts.”<br/>“That’s reassuring,” I press my hand against my cheek trying to bite through the stinging of my eyes. <br/>“It’s not,” She said. “They don’t go away. And there are good days where you hardly get them or they’re easy enough to ignore, but there will always be the bad days where it’s all you can think about.”<br/>And I just have to wait for those good days to come don’t I?<br/>“Sick, disgusting thoughts that spin and spin in your head. Spitting at you.”<br/>“You’re not helping,” I say. <br/>She laughed, “Yeah I know.”<br/>The smile she gave me. It was crooked. So off balance it made me trip.<br/>“I’m just as lost as you kid.. I don’t know what the hell I’m doing and I’m almost thirty.”</p><p>“So what, I’m always going to be like this then?” She really was bad at this.<br/>“That’s not what I’m saying,” She laughed. “I’m saying it’s normal. Many people have thoughts like this, as scary as they are. Some are less intense and others.. Well, I’m sure you know how the others are.”<br/>Somehow that made me feel worse.<br/>“As bad as they are, and I know they can get awful, they don’t make you a bad person. The fact that you feel so torn up proves that already!”</p><p>When I didn’t answer she held her arm out to me, wrapping it around me.<br/>“I know you’re a good kid,” She patted my head. “You probably won’t believe that for a while now, but it’s true.”<br/>Foley said the same thing in the ambulance. It’s twisted how you never really remember the good moments in times like this. You can fixate so much on the bad, even if you try it all just seems hopeless. What Foley said then; <em>‘Whatever he made you do, don’t apologize for it. That’s on him, he didn’t give you a choice’</em>, that certainly didn’t stick for long. All the memories were so easy to throw away. They slipped out of reach so easy when you needed them the most.</p><p>“You’re going to make it through this, I promise.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Filler chapters like this always stump me. By filler I mean a needed chill from the chaos of any story I write.<br/>This one was mostly a vent in a way. I was struggling a lot with intrusive thoughts, to the point where I genuinely scared me and I didn't trust anyone around me. It still happens!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Back to School</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“You know, you would be better prepared for this if you tried going outside before,” Foley said... For the fifth time this morning.<br/>The school had contacted the sheriff of all people and told her that my hours were starting to build up. I needed to go back to school, and as much as I hated it, Foley was right. It was Thursday, I had two days to get my shit together and at least take a walk around the street. Now I’m really getting thrown into the deep end.</p><p>Foley decided it’d be best for her to drive me to school, as if I won’t have enough eyes on me already. I think she just wanted to rub this in my face even further. <br/>But because of my slugging around as I got ready for the day we were relatively late. She would have dragged me out of the house in my pajamas if Drew wasn’t there to convince her to let me take this part of the day at my own pace. Even if there wasn’t a crowd now I dreaded returning. How was I going to make up the hours? I didn’t know. Or really care. What did I care about right now? Yeah that's right- The homicidal lunatics that’ll be coming after me any day now!</p><p>“Do you want me to walk you in?” Foley asked, already knowing the answer. “I have cars that'll be watching the area, you have nothing to worry about kid.”<br/>She patted my shoulder before I unbuckled my seat belt with a huff, “Thank you, Foley.” I paused before opening the door to leave, “Really. Thank you for all your help.” <br/>She only nodded giving me her best smile, and I went into the building. </p><p>Although they put up a good cover, I could hear the office aides and women working the computers whispering about me as I left for class. You would think they’d keep me out of the news this time around, have some decency.<br/>The morning half of my first day back was a nightmare. Every teacher greeted me like I was a bomb ready to explode. At this rate I thought I just might. I went to the bathroom multiple times just to get away from the eyes and voices. They were so much louder than before. All of this crap led up to being with Kris though. Seeing him after so long, and especially after a morning like this, was like a breath of fresh air. </p><p>He greeted me just like before, but I guess this time around he made less of a scene of it. Finally being with him gave me so much relief. He blocked out the whispers that followed me everywhere, shined bright enough to snuff out the shadowing stares. I’m sure Drew had told him to maybe lay off the subject for now or else he'd be all over me asking about it. <br/>I still didn’t get why Kris was friends with me. He was much more social and confident and almost everyone knew him, in a good light too. It’s still a shock he’s talking to me after I pushed him away so many times. <br/><em>He deserves better, doesn’t he?</em></p><p>“So how many hours do you have to make up?” Kris asked me.<br/>It was nearing the end of the day. I wasn’t sure what I’d be doing then. Ben offered me a ride home but Foley insisted I walk to his house. It was a few streets away, not that far.<br/>“I think it’s eight or nine.”<br/>“That’s pie! You can make it up before spring break no problem!”<br/>I slumped in my seat, “Yeah. I have a ton of work to catch up on anyways..”<br/>“Well,” He laughed. “If you want to just hang out today, the art club is working on decorations for the dance. I’m sure Miss Jay won’t mind you popping in to help, we usually stay here pretty late though.”<br/>“Isn’t the dance next weekend?” I ask.<br/>“Yeah, they’re trying to make this one ‘extra fun’ and get it looking real nice. Guess it’s to give us a break from what happened; they even lowered the ticket prices.”<br/>I mocked an ‘ooo’ and thought about it. I didn’t want to be out longer than is necessary, but it was Kris. I’ve iced him out for long enough.<br/>“I’ll stop by after tutoring. Mister Lopez doesn’t stay long after school anyways.”<br/>“Yesss!” He laughed, giving me the biggest smile I’ve seen from him today.</p><p>He went into the details. This year's theme was ‘fantasy’, surprisingly. It actually made me kind of want to go just to see how everyone would be dressing up.<br/>After making some sort of a dent in the work I missed in algebra, Mister Lopez went home and I was left wondering the halls. It was so quiet and empty I made an effort to keep my steps silent. It was still bright out, looking at the courtyard I tried to decide how long I’ll stay to help Kris. What I’ll say when I leave; probably use the excuse that I still have more work to catch up on even though I know I’ll just lay in bed for the rest of the day. <br/>The band students' music came through the doors muffled as I passed the room. Following me as I turned the corner for the art room. It gave me some ease of mind. </p><p>Kris did most of the introductions when I came in. Explained to the teacher my situation and asked her if I could help here for my hours; she agreed of course. I saw more of Kris’s friends who were nice enough to help teach me what to do. They trusted me with painting in the lines of some of the cardboard cutouts, ones you could put your head through for a picture. Seems kiddish, but I think that’s what the adults thought we need right now.</p><p>Being able to see Kris so happy made me feel a lot better. Relief that he still had his normal life and I didn’t ruin that for him with my stupid choices. In the art room it felt like another world. We were surrounded by sculptures and painted ceiling tiles, the music played softly in the background while everyone spoke making it seem so calm. Kris and his friends were laughing and I found myself joining in too. No matter where we were or who we were with he made an effort to include me. Didn’t forget when he was having fun with his much more social friends or leave me on my own when we went out. </p><p>
  <em>Is he just talking to me out of pity?<br/>	… I don’t know…</em>
</p><p>There weren't any windows in the art room so seeing the sky on our way out was a shock. The sun was already in that bright warm orange faze before the horizon drowned it all together. It gave a whole new feeling to the bare halls I dreaded so much.</p><p>“Is your mom picking us up?” I ask as we grow closer to the front doors.<br/>He shook his head as he read the text on his phone, “Nah. She’s working late today, a friend is picking us up. He just got back in town.”<br/>“Really?” I ask. “Pretty bad time to come back.”<br/>“Yeah, that’s actually why he’s here now. Usually comes during spring break to catch the carnival but he wanted to check in on us.”<br/>That’s nice, I think to myself. </p><p>We see his car parked a little ways in front. He’s sitting on the hood of an old beat-up Camry. Two of the doors were different colors and there were more than a few dents and patches scattered all over it. The man wore a baggy t-shirt, his hair was blonde and buzzed. A bag from a fast food place nearby sat next to him.<br/>He looked up from his phone and waved to us as we made it over, standing to greet us. When we were close enough Kris ran up to him and jumped so he slammed the side of his body into the man's chest. I was shocked to see it. They both laughed and continued to play fight, pushing and lightly punching each other. Eventually the man chuckled and put Kris in a headlock, twisting his knuckles into his head until he cried uncle.</p><p>“Nice to meet you (name),” The man smiled.<br/>I looked at him hesitantly before Kris broke out of his hold, “I texted him.” The man picked up the fast food bag and tossed it to Kris. “Nice!” He exclaimed, coming up to me so we could both get a look at what he had gotten.<br/>Already stuffing fries into his mouth, the stranger decided to introduce himself.<br/>“My name’s Brian,” He said kindly and stuck out his hand. “Nice to meet you.”<br/>I only managed a smile, thanking him for the food as I shook his hand. He had thin cold fingers, calloused and torn up quite a bit.</p><p>Both Kris and I sat in the back eating as we headed towards Ben’s place. Kris took over directions when I missed the first turn; I sat silent for the most part, eating. Kris really knows me, I haven’t had anything from that fast food joint in a while. </p><p>“So how do you two know each other?” I manage to ask. The road was bumpy, or maybe it was the car, but the both of us were laughing anyways as we kept hitting shoulders.<br/>“I’ve known Brian since I was a baby,” Kris explained. “Friends with my mom in college.”<br/>“I try to come bb...by every year,” He cleared his throat. “Only for the carnival though.”<br/>Kris punched him on the shoulder making him laugh.<br/>“You’re lucky your friend is here, I would have brake checked your ass.”<br/>Kris stuck out his tongue at him through the rearview mirror, Brian returning the gesture.</p><p>As we approached Ben’s property the laughter quickly died down. <br/>Roy’s car was parked practically on Ben’s lawn, Tessa pacing worriedly beside it. <br/>“Fuck,” I mutter in the silence.<br/>“Did you tell Roy you were staying here...?”<br/>I shook my head. I should have known this was going to happen sooner or later. Especially since I had missed so much school. He must have come looking for me. I just wondered who actually told him. </p><p>I took off my seat belt and got out of the car as soon as Brian stopped, Kris following close behind. He snaked his arm through mine, holding me tight. <br/>“Tessa, what’s going on?” I asked her.<br/>Her face was busted up, her lip bleeding and a swollen eye starting to darken. She turned to me with an almost furious look and shoved me hard by the shoulders. If Kris was there holding onto me I’m sure I would have fallen.<br/>“Why did you make me have to tell him!” She yelled. I stared at her confused. “You always stir up shit- you know Roy hates Ben- why couldn’t <em>you</em> tell him?”<br/>“Fuck you!” I glare at her. “Don’t blame me because he’s overreacting!”<br/>Kris held my hand tight, putting a hand on my shoulder to hold me back. <br/>“You know better!”<br/>I shook my head dismissing her as we both went towards the house.</p><p>“Ben isn’t even home right now,” Kris muttered quickly before going in ahead of me.<br/>Yelling came from deeper in the house. A shelf was toppled over and the coffee table was broken, glass everywhere. </p><p>
  <em>Why did he have to ruin today?</em>
</p><p>“Andrew?” Kris called out, hurrying around the debris.<br/>The voices stopped, Roy’s yelling mostly, and we both froze hearing the sound of a shotgun loading. The deafening pump as a bullet was put in the chamber.</p><p>Out from the office came Roy, backing up with a scowl etched into his face. There was blood dripping down the side of his face, but Drew was the worse out of the two. Two streams of blood came down his nostrils, his face beaten in so badly it hurt just to look at him.</p><p>
  <em>Was this really my fault?</em>
</p><p>I let out a cry seeing them. Drew was pointing the barrel of the shotgun to Roy’s head, trying his best to keep steady. It looked like he was going to faint.</p><p>
  <em>I should have just come straight here after school. </em>
</p><p>“You fucking pussy!” Roy spat at him. <br/>“Get out Roy,” Drew said. <br/>Hearing the glass crunch under our shoes as we tried backing away, Roy looked to us. He looked at me. Scoffing he started towards me.<br/>“You’re coming with me.”<br/>I didn’t back away when he grabbed me harshly by the arm. I didn’t try holding onto Kris as he desperately tried keeping me with him. I let Roy drag me to the door, Drew yelling after him, because I couldn’t let this go on any longer. I didn’t want Roy hurting Drew any more- and if he even took a swing at Kris again… I couldn’t.</p><p>I could have talked to him if I was here. It would have kept Drew from taking <em>my</em> beating.</p><p>
  <em>This is my fault.</em>
</p><p>Roy suddenly let go of my hand, falling down the porch stairs as he clutched the back of his head. I could feel the burn of his hand on my skin as I watched his body tumble to the ground.<br/>“You’re an idiot if you think I’m letting you take (name).”<br/>Drew hit him with the butt end of the gun, quick to point it at him before he could get up again.</p><p>
  <em>This is my fault.</em>
</p><p>Brian was with Tessa, holding her back so she wouldn’t run in front of the gun. She screamed and cried out for Roy. I could hear police sirens coming. <br/>Roy stood back up screaming so loud I could feel my eardrums shake. Spit flung from his mouth. He pointed a finger at me, “Piece of shit! Running to <em>Benny</em> to talk shit about us!”<br/>“You little bitch!” Tessa screamed from Brian's hold. <br/>“It’s time for you to grow up, kid,” Roy sneered. </p><p>Kris came to my side wrapping his arms around me. I wanted to yell, scream and fling crippling words at them like they did to me for the last year I’ve been here. But what good would that do? Nothing got through their thick skulls. Nothing I said or did ever made a difference.<br/>“Even Ben’s gonna get tired of you- worthless loser!”<br/>“Shut the hell up already,” Drew yelled over him. “As if the town doesn’t already know you're the junkie loser already!”<br/>Roy spat at his feet.<br/>“You’re a grown man trying to fight a kid, how pathetic is that?”</p><p>Two police cars rolled up, one being Foleys. <br/>Roy ignored him and the screeching tires as the cars came to a stop, “All you do is take take take! I wish that psycho hitchhiker would’ve killed you!”</p><p>The officers came out drawing their guns, “Drop your weapon!” One yelled.<br/>Foley was making a b-line to Roy, hand on her holster.<br/>Although he was reluctant, Drew put the shotgun down onto the porch. Kris pulled me away from the two of them. </p><p>“Roy Hurley put your hands up and step away from the house!”</p><p>He put his hands up, eyes never leaving me. <br/>I didn’t want to move, make any expression that would taunt him in the slightest. </p><p>“Step away from th-”<br/>He reeled, making a move for the shotgun on the floor. Foley was only a few feet away; she pulled a taser gun out of her holster and shot Roy in the back. He froze mid-air and I jumped hearing the sound of his body hit the porch stairs. His whole body shook violently with the deafening sound of electricity shooting out. His eyes were unnaturally wide, still on me. Spit flung down from his lips as he tried forming words, or maybe even one last scream until it all stopped. He collapsed completely, and Tessa let out a scream at the sight of him.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Why did I have to ruin today?</em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. You're Not Alone</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>CONTENT WARNING:<br/>This chapter contains detailed descriptions of domestic abuse, and self-harm (cutting).</p><p>Please keep in mind, cutting or any self-harm is a terrible addiction and should be taken seriously.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He was completely silent after that. So quiet I thought he might have been dead; more so hoped that he had died. Foley handcuffed him and the two officers hauled him into the back of their car to wait while they got our statements. He watched me through the window, empty eyes. The only sign he was alive was the distant blinks every other minute. <br/>I should have told him. I should have called him or texted him about it at least. Drew had cleaned up his face but I still saw the blood. The bruises that would be darkening soon because of me. Because I was too much of a coward to tell Roy where I was myself. </p><p>A coward, just like before. </p><p>“Do you want to go inside for this?” Foley asked.<br/>I shook my head, turning my back to the police car, “I’m fine. It’s a mess in there anyway.”<br/>One of the officers spoke with Tessa, the second one speaking with Kris and Drew. Brain hovered around both of them occasionally glancing around at everyone else.</p><p>“Who’s the stranger?” <br/>I look and see she’s staring directly at Kris’s family friend, “His name is Brian. Came to see Kris and his mom, old friends, checking in on them I guess..”<br/>She nodded, not loosening the stern look on her face, “I’m sorry this happened.”<br/>“What do you mean?”<br/>“I didn’t think he would lash out like this.”<br/>My brows furrowed, “You… <em>You’re</em> the one who told Roy I was staying at Ben's house?”<br/>My hands tightened into shaking fists. Suddenly I wanted to move, scream, so much energy was boiling in me; pooling into my arms.<br/>“Not directly. I’m sure he must have overheard my conversation with Tessa.”<br/>Didn’t she know? Connect the dots at least- come on you’re the sheriff for fucks sake!</p><p>I stared at the porch boarding, focusing on the texture instead of the oil slipping out from my head. My teeth gritted together, nails digging into my skin as I gripped onto my wrist. <br/>“We’ll get this sorted out,” She put her hand on my shoulder making me step back.<br/>I shook my head, “Why?” She seemed confused, only making me more frustrated. “Why did you call Tessa in the first place?” I was on the verge of yelling.<br/>“I thought they should know where their kid is, how they're doing-”<br/>“I am <strong>not</strong> their kid and they don’t give a shit about me!”<br/>I tried to silence the words but they spilled out of me anyway. Tessa glanced over at me. She looked so sad; as if she wasn’t just screaming at me a few minutes earlier. Like she didn’t call me a loser along with Roy, or frantically defend his shit outbursts that neither of us deserved to go through.</p><p>A truck pulled into the driveway, Ben’s truck. As soon as he saw Drew he ran to his side, looking over his face with such fear and worry I could have cried. <br/>This was my fault, but Foley really should have known better.<br/>We couldn’t hear, but I could tell Roy’s name came up because Ben's face immediately twisted in rage. He swung his body towards the police car ready to stomp over and probably stomp his face in. Tessa looked over worriedly but didn’t say anything. <br/>The sheriff was about to step in but Kris grabbed Ben's arm. He whispered something and the expression simmered down. It took a minute but he eventually turned to us. </p><p>I hid behind the post of the porch holding my arm tight. <br/>It took him a while to calm down fully before he came over, but even then his expression was still pretty intimidating; bringing back memories I didn’t want to think about right now.<br/>“He’s a dead man.”<br/>“Benny, don’t say things like that with officers around,” Foley glanced at the police car. “You can sue the fuck out of him. He’ll be in jail for a while.”<br/>“How does he know (name) was here?” He exclaimed.<br/>“I didn’t know we were keeping this relocation that much of a secret.”<br/>Ben turned to her with a look of disbelief, “<em>You</em>?”<br/>“I didn’t think he’d-”<br/>“Connect the fucking dots Beth!” <br/>My heart stuttered. I wanted to cover my ears but I opted to take a step back from the two.</p><p>He took in a deep breath, “I’m sorry…” <br/>“I could have guessed he was a shitty foster parent, but why do all this? Afraid he wouldn’t get his check if they were here with you?”<br/>“Probably but,” Ben paused, turning to me. </p><p>Roy wasn’t looking over at me anymore, just staring at the seat in front of him, that same dead expression on his face. Did he even care anymore? Had he given up? Finally see how much of a shitty person he is?… I doubt it.<br/>“We should talk inside,” He whispered to Foley. I heard his footsteps creaking as he came over to me. I was quick to look up at him, catching the sour expression on his face as he caught sight of Roy, but that loosened when it came to me. “You want to come in with us?”<br/>A part of me wanted to run. Run so far I’d lose everything and everyone and be forgotten. Another part of me wanted to hit something. Whether it was Roy or Foley I couldn’t tell anymore. Maybe I just wanted to hit myself. Slam my head into a wall until blood poured down my face. Dig deep into my own arms and rip the arteries out. Tear myself apart from the inside out. Dig into my chest until I found the root of everything that was wrong with me... or whatever was making me think like this.<br/>I nodded, walking ahead of them both.</p><p>I could hear Ben pause in the middle of the living room, the glass cracking under his boots. He looked to the knocked over shelf sighing as he saw what was on the floor. I noticed a broken glass figurine of an angel on a moon. Some picture frames seemed cracked as well, but more noticeable were the books that had fallen out. </p><p>I didn’t want to sit once they were both settled in the dining area, I couldn’t. They both noticed this but seemed to choose not to comment on it.<br/>“How much do you know about him? Roy,” Ben asked.<br/>“I was familiar with him before but Lena told me a few things after he came to pick up (name) from the station,” She said. “Anger issues. Causes quite a bit of trouble but manages to stay out of jail for the most part. Still doesn’t stop the complaints and worried calls from neighbors when his yelling crossed over the fence.”<br/>Ben chuckled, “I didn’t even know the man existed before (name).”</p><p>Before me... Was life easier before I came into town?</p><p>“A while ago, maybe two or three months after (name) came along, Kris came to me about the situation,” He looked to me, testing the waters. “He had seen cuts on their arm.”<br/>I didn’t know when exactly Kris had seen them. At the time the days seemed to blur together; I was just starting to get to know Kris. I think it might have been when we were sitting in the park; my sleeve could have rolled up. Or it could have been when I first came over to his house, subconsciously letting my arms take in the cool air inside.<br/>The sheriff refused the urge to look at me.<br/>“I pulled them aside the next day and spoke to them,” He continued.</p><p>I remember that day. How could I forget it?</p><p>-<br/>Ben and I only met a couple of times before then. I had heard a lot about him from Kris but I didn’t see him as anything more than the man who runs that diner in town. He had seemed nice enough from the one time I had a meal at the diner.<br/>Kris had taken me for lunch there that day. I didn’t think much of it.</p><p>I remember looking back at Kris so hurt when Ben asked me if I was hurting myself. I felt so betrayed even though I never talked with Kris directly about it. I wanted to run then too. <br/>He told me everything I’ve heard before, asking all the same questions too. All I could think about at the time was how much I was going to hate Kris for this. Ben might as well have been a perfect stranger. What the hell did he know about me? </p><p>It was when he asked to see the cuts I snapped out of that daze.</p><p>-</p><p>“Stupidly,” Ben sighed. “I went to Tessa and Roy about it.”<br/>I don’t think I ever really heard Ben’s side of the story on this. All I remember is the beating I got, and Ben’s voice cutting through it all.<br/>“I had drove them home that night.”<br/>I was a mess.<br/>“Spoke with Tess and Roy in the living room. They didn’t seem shocked by what I said, didn’t seem concerned about it either- at least not Roy anyways.”<br/>I was in the hallway trying to listen to what Ben was saying at the time. Of course they knew, they’re the ones who told me to make sure to cover up. They thought it was their fault I did it. Tessa thought she was being a bad ‘mom’. She apologized for Roy hitting me before and apologized for, quote, <em>“Whatever I did to make me feel this way”</em>. Roy thought it was more of an insult to them than anything. I think Tessa thought the same way, she was just more emotional and apologetic about it.</p><p>“I heard a commotion on my way out. Going back inside I saw it was Roy beating them with a cord,” Ben took a breath looking back at the moment. “I don’t even remember what happened really. Pulling off Roy.”<br/>He threw Roy into the wall. The dent’s still there today.<br/>“Tessa was screaming at me like I had just murdered him.”<br/>She was clawing at Ben's back, yelling about how he wasn’t doing anything. That it wasn’t his fault he was beating me with an extension cord so bad I was starting to bleed.<br/>“I took (name) out of there. Got them to the diner to get patched up.”<br/>Foley looked to both of us confused and shocked by what she heard, “Why are they still in that house then? Didn’t you tell anyone, get in contact with CPS?”</p><p>Ben wasn’t sure what to say to that and turned to me. Reasonable since I was the one who convinced him not to call anyone.<br/>“I didn’t want to go back,” I say. “I still don't- been passed around so much, and the group home is hell. I’d rather walk on eggshells here than go back there again.”<br/>She wanted to say something. Her mouth opened like she was going to contradict me in some way but she just went back to Ben.<br/>“Well, I’m sorry, but they’re definitely going back now… Roy is going to jail for aggravated assault. A full report is going out on this, everything those two said to the kid- they’ll see neither of them are fit to foster,” She explained.</p><p>I should have just told Roy myself. That night I picked up my things. <br/>Should’ve could’ve would’ve. It doesn’t matter now.</p><p>“Maybe it’s for the best,” She whispered. “They’ll be a lot safer the farther they are from Greymill Ben, you know that.”<br/>“No the hell they won’t!” He exclaimed. “Nobody knows what really happened. Do your own officers even know why they’re still patrolling?”<br/>She winced at that, tightening her fists.<br/>“We’re the only ones who know just how fucked this really is! We know what to look out for-- In a city where practically everyone’s a stranger, do you really think that’s what’s best?”</p><p>There was a knock at the door, an officer coming in to tell the sheriff they were going back to the station now. I didn’t listen much after that. <br/>Was leaving Greymill really the better option? That all depended on whether they were watching me right now. If they caught me leaving town they’ll just follow me. Drag me in some alley to kill me unnoticed.. But I’m pretty sure I’ve thought of that same scenario happening right here in Greymill too. </p><p>“We’ll be back,” Ben said. “Everything will work itself out, I promise kid.”<br/>I nodded, not really convinced myself.<br/>He gave me an almost smothering hug, “You’re not going back there, okay?”</p><p>As they all left Kris and Brian came inside. Silently we all agreed to clean up the mess Roy had made. I’m not sure why they joined in, but I was doing this out of guilt. In a lot of ways this was my mess too, but to be honest I wasn’t sure what I’d be doing if I wasn’t cleaning.<br/>There were so many times where I just wanted to break down in tears, scream at the trouble I caused. I held onto the wall or clutched the broom to stop myself from falling to the ground. My back was always facing the two of them. </p><p>When everything was swept and put back into its place it was way past dark outside.<br/>“Are you sure you’ll be okay on your own here?” Kris asked.<br/>I smiled, exhaling a weak laugh to sell it, “Yeah I’ll be fine.”<br/>It took a second of consideration but he finally gave in. He wrapped his arms around me in a tight hug, “Everything’s going to be fine.”<br/>The words might as well have gone through one ear and out the other, but still, I still kept on a smile and held onto him tighter, “Thank you, Kris.”</p><p>Brian was watching the two of us as he waited at the door. I don’t know if he actually cared, he might have felt sorry for me, sure, but... From the look he was giving us it seemed like he was sad. Avoiding me as soon as I caught him in the act.<br/>Kris let me go giving the best smile he could and said goodbye. <br/>I watched as the car drove off, Kris staring back at me for as long as he could before the two of them disappeared from sight. Maybe he was waiting for me to crack, because that was exactly what I did when I closed the door behind me. </p><p>I was alone. Exactly what I had feared the most. <br/>Maybe I actually wanted this. Was I really that messed up to want this? </p><p>I let my body fall against the door and slid down until I was on the tile. My face burned as I clenched my teeth. As if I could create bars to hold back these cries buried so deep. <br/>But oh, that’s right, no one was here.<br/>On instinct, I choke down the cries. I cover my mouth and forget to breathe because nobody should see me like this. Full of so much pity and black tar that it’s sickening to watch. My sobs came out so guttural they scared me, pulling me to the ground breathless. I screamed as the tears ran down my face and onto the floor. Punching the ground and pulling at my sleeves so I wouldn’t do it. So I wouldn’t go upstairs and dig into that pocket of my bag. </p><p>But I couldn’t hold it back anymore.<br/>It hurt so much to feel like this, crying so hard I couldn’t think. It felt like this would never end. Telling myself I was nothing, that this was all my fault. I knew cutting wouldn’t stop the thoughts. It wouldn’t change what happened or change how I felt about everything. <br/>It just made things quieter.<br/>Turned this boulder into a chewable tablet... for the moment at least.</p><p>I hit the walls trying to stop myself. Paced for what felt like hours but I didn’t think there was much else to do. Nothing else was going to get me through this… <br/>But that was a lie.<br/>That was one of the biggest lies I tell myself. </p><p>As I ran the blade through my skin, reeling in pain, I knew just how pathetic I was.</p><p><em>“I’m really glad you’re okay (name)...” Kris smiled sadly. “I don’t know what I would have done if… You know..”</em><br/>Out of everyone, Kris should be the one I go to when I feel this horrible. He’s told me practically every day that he cares about me, and that he’s there for me to talk about anything. I’ve seen how worried he gets seeing the scars and even fresh cuts on my skin. So why am I doing this to him? Am I really that selfish?</p><p>I still continued. Cut after cut, hating myself more and more.</p><p><em>“I know it’s easy to blame yourself… your mind is probably twisting this ten million ways to make you think you’re at fault, hm?” </em><br/>The sheriff, although she’s paid to protect those who can’t protect themselves, she still stuck around. Still helped me adjust.. Or at least tried to.<br/><em>“I’m here when you feel ready to talk. About anything.” </em><br/>Why am I doing this? Why was it so hard for me to just talk? </p><p><em>“Do you wanna talk about anything?” </em><br/>Drew, a complete fucking stranger cares. He’s worried, and what am I doing?<br/><em>“I don’t know what you went through, or even what you’re going through now, but I’m here to listen if you need to talk,” He put a hand on my knee. “We all are.” </em><br/>What the fuck am I doing?</p><p>
  <em>“I know you’re a good kid,” She patted my head. “You probably won’t believe that for a while now, but it’s true.”  </em>
</p><p>I dropped the blade after digging one last time into my skin. </p><p>
  <em>“You’re going to make it through this, I promise.”</em>
</p><p>I don’t think I will.<br/>I just keep digging myself deeper and deeper, a never-ending shit show. </p><p>The guilt was never this bad. Before I never thought about who I was hurting when I did this, who actually cared when they saw the cuts on my arms, but now it’s all I can think about.</p><p>So many people, and this is what I’m doing…</p><p> </p><p>I don’t deserve them.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Can I see it?”<br/>I look up at him with furrowed brows, tugging my sleeve even further down my arm.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Ben’s office was somewhere I never thought I’d be. I should have known something like this was going to happen when they took me back here. <br/>Kris was standing at the door like he knew I wanted to run. My legs were practically shaking. Ben didn’t sit in his desk across from the chair I was seated in like the desensitized counselors I’ve had before, he was sitting in the chair right next to mine. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I just want to see how they’re healing.”<br/>They weren’t. I just opened up a few more the day before.<br/>My jaw clenched as I put my arm out. It’s not as if this hasn’t happened before. Counselors took me to the nurse to check on them as well. I remember the first time I opened up to a counselor. I wanted to stop, I really did. I was so afraid I’d do something worse- I wanted help… But they didn’t do anything. Asked me a few questions like what I used to cut, or when was the last time I did it. The counselor just left me in the office after that. Called my foster parents at the time who didn’t answer, and that was it. <br/>I heard the whispers after that. That I was just doing it for attention, or as a way of lashing out because of the situation I was in. They pushed me aside and didn’t look any deeper than that. <br/>The one time I actually wanted help. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I pulled up my sleeve and showed him.<br/>He winced at the sight of it all. Line after line of red. Ugly scabs and shining bulging scars that never healed right. <br/>He turned and grabbed the first aid kit, not saying if they were in bad condition or not. His hand was shaking as he held the disinfectant wipe over my skin. Looking at him I saw there were tears coming down his expressionless face. Not seeing him with his usual smile was already hard enough, this was terrifying to me.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Why?” He finally said. “What’s going on in your mind that makes you feel so awful, that you have to hurt yourself?”<br/>My throat tightened. I wanted to say something but the words wouldn’t come out.<br/>Why? Why did I do this to myself?<br/>I raised my shoulders trying to look away, but Kris came into view. He was crying too, a hand over his mouth as he tried to keep quiet. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I don’t know,” I whispered. <br/>For some reason, I felt the urge to apologize to these strangers. Why? Why were these people doing this? Why were they crying over me? A nobody who just came into town.<br/>I covered my face with my free hand repeating the same thing over and over again.<br/>“I don’t know.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>So many times I did this, and I didn’t really know why- or I at least never thought about why. Nobody bothered to ask why before, so why should I think about it?<br/>Did it feel good? No… then why continue? <br/>I sure as hell wasn’t doing it because I wanted attention, that’s probably the last thing I want at this point.<br/>Was I doing it to punish myself? To distract myself from the shit festering in my head?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I don’t know at this point, but I’m sure if I did I’d continue doing this to myself anyway.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“You know, it’s okay to feel bad sometimes,” Kris sniffled. “Hell, it’s okay to feel bad all the time. You’re.. You’re allowed to feel depressed or angry or- anything, because the world is fucked.”<br/>Ben stared at him before shutting his eyes tight, “We aren’t taught how to deal with feelings. I sure as hell wasn’t when I was yalls age.. It seems like we have to keep everything in for others sake, but, that’s not healthy at all… I’ve seen firsthand what that does to someone.” He started wiping my arms, gentle, especially around the fresher cuts. <br/>Kris came to my side, sitting on the floor next to my chair. He stared at my hand before looking to the ground.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“You’re not alone in this kid.”</em>
</p><p>I know now that I’m not.<br/>But no matter how much I remember that, or any good thing people have told me in this town, it still feels like there’s not a person in the world that really cares about me, let alone understands...I don’t think I even understand myself at this point.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>When I wrote this chapter I was really thinking about everything I had gone through, and what I really wanted to hear from the people I actually told this about. Reading it now I still get emotional haha<br/>As I said, it's an addiction- one I'm always fighting every time I sink into that low place. </p><p>Thank you for reading, and if the thought does cross your mind to hurt yourself, or if you're struggling with self-harm now, please reach out to someone you trust. Find alternatives. It can be seriously damaging, and I know you're worth more than that. </p><p>You matter.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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